Why I Hate You, Baby Brother

Why I Hate You, Baby Brother

         Good news! No more diarrhea and fever for you, baby brother.  The doctor said you’re going to be all right.  You scared us all.  You should have seen yourself inside the Emergency Room.  I never knew you could throw such a fit. Such pipes! I see a future for you as an operatic singer.  Your skin was so pale, even your lips lost all color.  I was so worried that they would throw me in jail for poisoning you. 

         Yes, I confess...I hated you,  but I don't think I could ever intentionally harm you.

         Why do I hate you?  Because you ruined what was supposed to be a blissful future for me in America with Mama and Papa, just the three of us together as a family, at last.  You were never included in my dreams, so just imagine my surprise when I saw you in Mama's arms at the airport.  It aroused so much jealousy in me I thought my heart would burst.  That's right, they didn't tell me anything about you.  How's that for lack of regard for my feelings?

         Would you stop cooing and wiggling!  Stay still.  I’m trying to fasten your diaper.  That's another thing: I never thought starting a new life in America would involve changing diapers.  That’s just so un-cool.  I said, stop being cute and playful; I’m being serious here.  I need to tell you some important stuff.  I know you’re just a baby, but, you see this tape recorder?  I am recording this conversation, so when you grow up and I still feel this way, I can play it back for you so you could understand why I hated you.

         But first, it wasn't really my fault, you know.  I’ve never taken care of an infant before. How was I supposed to know that Ma simply forgot to put your bottle in the cooler?  It was sitting there on the lamp table still full of milk. I didn’t know how long it had been there; Mama should have been more careful.  You see…we all make mistakes, so I should not be blamed entirely for what happened to you.

         Oh, you think that’s funny, huh? Well, I'm not laughing, and neither were you.  In fact, I haven't laughed much since I came to the States, and it's all because of you.  You see, unlike you, I grew up without a father.  He didn’t even know he got Mama pregnant after that night they first met while he was visiting from the States. Anyway, when Papa found out about me, he immediately flew all the way from America to the Philippines to marry Mama.  But then, he disappeared again. A year and a half later, Mama left me too so she could be with Papa in the States.  The mean-spirited children branded me The Abandoned Child, always taunting me, calling me all kinds of nasty names, like April Fool.  It took two years before Mama and Papa sent for me.

         So you see why I am so jealous of you, baby brother?  You are so lucky, so privileged.  You have Papa's exclusive attention, love and affection; Mama tries to hide it when I'm around, but I know.  I don't think Papa likes me much.  He probably thinks I'm just a maladjusted, spoiled and selfish child.

         I've been told that I was a difficult and moody baby. I can see that you're very placid and mild tempered, not to mention charming and fun.  Just look at you....all aglow in your fresh bath, smiling wide at me with your adoring eyes.  You think I'm your friend, don't you?  You think I'm going to love you and take care of you as my baby brother; to protect you from any harm, give you money when you need it, teach you how to read and write.

         Don't look at me with those wide, brown eyes. You think I'm falling for you in spite of everything I've said, don't you?

         Stop it!  Stop making those goo-goo eyes with me.

         Seriously, baby brother... I'm so happy you're going to be okay.  I don't know what I would have done if I lost you.

                 Click, prrrtchh--

                 I'm erasing everything.

                 Why? Well.... I don't think we're going to need this at all.

                 Would you erase that grin off your face…okay, okay, I admit.  I think I love you, baby brother.  Who wouldn't?  You're an angel.  You're perfect.  Hmmph!  Don't get your little downy head get all inflated now.