Not Daddy's girl anymore (IV)

This is the hard one to write. I have put it off for two years since opening up about my early childhood. Just thinking about this subject I need a hug.

My father sexually used me for his own sexual gratification. I can’t think of anything he didn’t do with me except enter me vaginally. In the latter years he would occasionally entertain friends by having me perform for them naked sometimes tipsy, though he never let his friends touch me.

When my father died there was a sexual vacuum in my life. Sex had been such a large part of my life and I was devastated when he died…what was I supposed to do? I remember consoling myself by fingering my clit to cum while crying each night when I went to bed.

A short while later my mom remarried, I call my step-dad “dad”.  I flirted with him trying to get his attention. I thought all dads were the same, why wouldn’t I? I’d only had one dad in my young life and he brought me up to sexually gratify him. So why wouldn’t this one?

At age 14, I remember sitting on his lap during movies in just panties and t-shirt and grinding a little. He turned red and I could feel him get hard under me but he intentionally paid attention to the movie – I was so confused. Why didn’t he want me in that way. And yet in every other way he demonstrated love. While I still thought about sex and still fingered myself daily, I ceased to have sex for 5 years.

I became more of a flirt. I almost exclusively wore short skirts, bikini briefs and V-strings. Tops varied from spaghetti string camis, tube tops, Anything that I could tease guys with. I loved the attention they gave me…but no sex.

I made a set of rules for myself and followed them religiously. The most memorable rule is that that I would give myself to the man who took my virginity. When I say give myself I mean total submission. Of course I always figured that would be to the man I married so I started to think that since my father had not taken me vaginally that I would save myself for that one future man. No doubt to the remorse of all my guy friends who I would tease and flirt with mercilessly.

It was a Friday night, about two weeks after my 18th birthday. We, my friends and some kids from school and their friends, would often hang at the mall. We’d often break into pairs or threesomes and go window shop try on outfits, and occasionally buy things, but we would always drift back and congregate at the pit in the mall. I was wearing my frayed hem, denim cutoffs, a white, short sleeve button down shirt and sandals.

One night it was getting late and they were closing down the mall. My ride had left early and I let the remaining peeps know that I needed a ride. Steve offered to take me home. Steve had graduated the previous year. He was a football god in his senior year before graduating. He was wearing a numbered jersey, blue ranglers and boots. I liked his blue eyes and mop like blonde hair. I felt kind of honored so I accepted.

It was so late when we left that we had to exit the mall on the far side and walk around to his car. We talked…you know like when you just open up, its late, the stars just seem to shine and you are alone in the world with the person to whom you are sharing your inner thoughts. He had a rather plain red sedan, I remember thinking that I expected a mustang or something.

He drove around meandering while we spoke like we didn’t want it to stop. I guess I just thought we were being friends. The subject of his new home came up. He had a small fixer-upper  on the far edge of a cattle farm and he wanted to show me. I agreed.

He lived on the east side toward the farms. His father was a farmer. The house was a pale green with a white porch across the whole front of the old house. nothing else around, with a dirt driveway.

He was excited about showing me the house. Once inside a quick look around I could tell he’d worked really hard on it. The wood was in various stages of sanding and walls recently painted.

No sooner had I glanced around from the small entrance, Steve turned and locked the door. He turned again and took me in his arms and before I knew it, kissed me on the lips. I was not expecting that. I was torn between I don’t hardly know this guy though he really was cute. So I let him kiss me.

I wondered how long he planned to kiss me, when his hand found its way to my breast and started groping me. I protested a lil and tried to move his hand away. The more I resisted though the more he insisted. I tried to say “no” but his mouth seemed glued to mine.

I was backed up against the front door and finally freed myself enough to shout “No! Please!”. he seemed confused then angry and I felt his fist slam against my midsection, knocking the wind out of me.

I was in shock and trying desperately to regain my breath, unable to defend myself. He took me to the ground in the hall. I felt him kneel on my chest which made it even harder to regain my breath and in one pull, strip my cutoffs and panties down to my knees. Another pull and they were down to my ankles. He pivoted and knelt between my legs. I remember gasping for air and putting my hands up meagerly but he ignored them effortlessly.

He popped my buttons off my white shirt and laid my shirt wide open. He tried to get my bra off but couldn’t so he got a knife from his side belt and cut it. I was so afraid he was going to kill me. Steve pulled the bra from my breasts but gave up on trying to removing my shirt after getting it down around my elbows. I remember feeling that my arms were trapped by my shirt under me holding my arms at my side.

I was still having troubles breathing. He quickly crossed his arms over his chest and pulled his jersey off his chest. I thought to myself at the time how he reminded me of the hulk…a random thought in a scary situation.

I felt tears sting my eyes as he laid on top of me… I kept shouting “no” in my head. I couldn’t see but I knew he was removing his pants while pinning me to the floor.  His weight nearly crushed me under him as he struggled to get his them off. I could feel his cock against my thigh after he was free of the pants.

Time slowed and took forever. I could feel his chest against my breasts, his weight, his mouth roughly suckling my breasts… struggling I found my breath and screamed as he bit my left nipple

He tried to enter me. I closed my pussy and fought to prevent him from entering me. For minutes he tried to force his way into me. He tried opening me up with his hand but always I was able to close up before he could enter with his cock. Everytime he brushed against my clit I shivered.

He slapped my face so hard…I was stunned. He slid in and forcefully popped my cherry. I remember feeling so ashamed. I knew I had lost something I could never regain. He started to pump himself in and out of my pussy. I gave up. I just lay there, tears running down my cheeks, sobbing. I could feel him sliding inside me. My cherry was raw and hurt with each thrust. It felt good too. I was confused, like my body was betraying me.

It seemed like forever but probably wasn’t more than a couple of minutes before he gasped and I felt his warm cum fill my pussy, inseminating me, maybe impregnating me. He collapsed on top of me, suffocating me.

After he recovered from his climax and his breathing slowed he withdrew his cock from my body and kneeled between my legs. I just stared at him, lost, surrendered, ashamed, a gamut of emotions coursing through me.

“Get up cunt” It wasn’t a request. Though ashamed, I found myself responding as a little girl to my father, just like I had many years ago. The only difference is that my father was usually gentle about it and nurturing. Only when I had misbehaved was punishment harsh. But then I was feeling ashamed…Like I had misbehaved and I responded as I had been brought up to years earlier.

I sat up and before I could stand he grabbed me by my hair and brought my face to his cock. “Clean it off cunt”. The words stung but I was in no position to argue and had totally surrendered. I knew what he wanted and sucked it off as I had done so many times for my father before. I was surprised by its size, having only ever seen my father’s cock before.

At first he was satisfied with me sucking it clean but then he started to get hard again. He started rocking his cock in and out of my mouth. He kept saying that he was going to fuck my mouth like he had my pussy. I was frightened. I gagged as he drove it down my throat, banging my head against his lap.

I felt it throbbing in my mouth, grow… remember how stretched my mouth was as he kept slam bunking my head into his lap gagging as he forced it too deep.

Steve tensed. I knew he was cumming. Never thought I’d be thankful that he had cum earlier in my pussy because I had to swallow to keep from chocking as he held my head tight against his lap. I could feel the warm cum sliding down my throat. Some of it mixed with my saliva dripped from my chin onto my breasts and trickling down my torso, getting in my long hair.

“Clean me off bitch” he told me, which is what I had started to do before he cummed in my mouth.

The next 20 hours or so I was his sex slave. He told me to pose for photographs and I did. I never smiled for them but I think he liked the sad, lost and helpless look. He stuck things in me, Pinched me with things, made me say things, made me crawl around on my knees, Made me drink until I was drunk, fucked my virgin ass dry which hurt sooo much - felt all torn up inside, he tied me to the bed and shoved tiger balm up my bottom and in my pussy just to watch me squirm , beg and scream, - just like dad did years before. He did some things I won’t mention publicly here. I so retreated into being my father’s daughter for him.

After he had his fun he called over two of his friends for about two hours. I was made to do it all over again with them. 

Meanwhile, my mother had called Kristen, my best friend and asked where I was, had I spent the night there. Kris covered for me but then set out to find out what happened to me by calling all her friends. Who had seen me last? Who was I with? Where had I been?

She learned that I had been taken home by Steve last night. Kris got three of my friends and showed up at Steve’s home. They wouldn’t take no for an answer and forced their way in. Bless you Kris. When they found me Steve’s friends had already left. I was tied to his bed, naked, covered n dry cum with vibrators in my pussy and bottom and one secured in my mouth with a band around my neck. I had a huge bruise just under my breasts. Steve had told me he would leave me like that while he got some things and did a few errands.  I don’t think Steve would have ever willingly let me go.

The two guys that Kris brought just stared at me. I know they were torn between helping me but wanting to look first. I didn’t hold that against them, its only natural I suppose. The girls, Kris…and I won’t mention the other girls name because I haven’t spoken with her about it. Covered me up with a sheet and released me.

The guys were about to take Steve in the other room and work him over. I don’t know, Steve was pretty big. – “No!”

I remember everyone just froze and stared at me? What? Had they heard right?

I was wandering around Steve’s house in a half daze looking for my clothing while wrapped in a white bed sheet clutched to my chest. I told them that I know I wasn’t thinking entirely clearly but not to beat Steve up. I ... I didn’t believe in violence or retribution, when avoidable. I think they were a little mad at me.

I don’t know, maybe its Stockholm syndrome or my childhood upbringing. I asked Steve why. He didn’t answer at first but admitted that I was beautiful and a nice person and that he really wanted to have sex with me. I asked Steve why he didn’t just ask, why didn’t he listen when I said no. He kept saying that he just had to have me - flattering but not an appropriate reason. He said he was sorry. He asked me why I did whatever he wanted after he had forced me?

I froze. Kris told me later that I went white as the sheet around me. In the privacy of that room I told them my life story. I had an emotional melt down. I cried a lot and got lots of hugs and reassurances.

Kris took me home. No, Steve didn’t get beat-up. For about ten days I was a pit of despair, totally depressed. Kris again covered for me saying that a guy I really liked had broken up with me. Kris saved me a second time from the depths of my depression at the end of the two weeks when she’d had enough of my “mopping”, but that’s the next part of my life. I will write more later…You cannot fathom how really hard this was to tell.


BTW - sorry Steve, I know you read these and that we are ok now but I just needed to say it out loud.


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I am not a violent person, nor do I condone violence or revenge when avoidable. But its not to say I haven’t thought about it. This is about how I would have my revenge on my rapist, were I vengeful and not forgiving…well at first…I can’t help but be forgiving…its my nature.

I would first gather all the items needed to implement my plan. Of course I won’t tell you now what that is because it would reveal more than I wish you to discover through the reading of this story.

*calling Steve*…*rings*…*he answers*
“Steve here.”
“Steve?”
“Pamela? Why are you calling me? I said I was sorry.”
“I…Its just that…can we meet…I need to talk to you…somewhere public?”
“Umm I guess …yeah sure. Look if you are wearing a wire…!”
“Its not like that Steve…I…I want to see you again”, bait the hook.
“You want to see me again Pamela?”, getting cocky but not believing his ears, “you want to go on a date.”
“…yes” said meekly, submissively.
“Didn’t get enough of ol Steve did you. You want more, don’t you.” I can hear him grin on the phone.
“This is hard enough Steve…”, dramatic pause,” …yes…maybe meet at Singles Bar & Grill?”
“Yeah sure, if you want…I’ll be there at 8:00.”
“That would be wonderful, Goodnight.” I try to sound excited but guarded.

****************

I dress in a lil black number, strapless, open back, short hem, high heels, red lips, long dark hair… what man could resist?

I arrive early and choose a more intimate corner with my back to the entrance. When he enters, he surprises me from behind and kisses me on the forehead. I close my eyes and pretend to need it badly.

I can see that he is proud and excited at his prospects to having me want him this way, to be able to do as he wishes with me, that I practically came back begging him to fuck me again after he had so despicably raped me. And that I found myself caught in admiration and desperation for him. He sits down opposite of me and orders some drinks for us.

He excuses himself when his phone rings. The drinks arrive. I slide a date rape drug into his drink and stir. I barely have a chance to retract my hands when he returns.

He picks up his drink and chugs it, I fight not to smile, “Let’s go”. I shrug and leave my untouched drink on the table. He doesn’t even leave a tip.

I offer to drive since I didn’t have any alcohol but he insists. That puts a little kink in my plan. I don’t exactly know how the drug will work or when…and if he’s driving? But there is no convincing him otherwise, why do men always insist on driving?

I buckle in, I always do. His place is a good 35 minutes from the bar. About 10 minutes into the drive to his home he mentions that he is not feeling all that well. I wonder why?
A minute later he pulls over, gets out of the car and walks around my side of the car…paces for a minute…sits with his head against the car and passes out.

At least he didn’t pass out while he was driving. I step out, step out of my heels, open the back door and drag…pull him into the back seat. I strap him in with two seat belts. I am desperately praying that an officer doesn’t pull over and offer to help?

I drive away quickly, forgetting that I left my heels beside the car until I feel the rear tire roll over them. Drats! I liked those shoes. Oh well, everything from here on should go well.

Another 15 minutes and I arrive at his secluded fixer-upper home. It’s a hassle but I manage to drag him up the 5 steps and into his bedroom.

Apparently he spent most of his time fixing up the bedroom.  It’s quite nice actually. I run the chains under the bed, adjust them then slide Steve onto the bed securing his wrists and ankles to the four corners of the bed. A sense of satisfaction that I’ve made it this far without incident glows on my face.


“Oohhhh…. ”,
“Good morning sleepy head,” he looks at me not comprehending how he got in bed, why I’m sitting at the foot of the bed…why he’s spread eagle on the bed and can’t move…why he can’t speak.

Time for my much anticipated soliloquy, “You, Steve, are a dirtball. You are a womanizer, a conceited slime ball and a rapist. You took my virginity from me you … ,” I can’t think of a term evil enough and start to cry from pent up frustration… but recover with a deep breath.

“You could have asked. You could have won me over. Instead you stole my virginity, my privacy and my self-respect. You fucking tore my clothes off, manhandled my body as if it were yours to do with as you wish and fucking fucked my pussy without permission…,” my voice trailed off. “I said No,” I said meekly trying not to cry again.

“Well its payback time. Time for you to receive a lil of what you’ve given. I drugged you last night. It was easy really. Brought you back here, chained you to your own bed.” My hand caressing his stomach through his t-shirt. I place my finger on the ball gag in his mouth. “I even shut you up,” I smile. By now he must think I’m way off balance *giggles*.

I slide my hand down to his waist and remove the knife from his belt. I watch as his eyes get big. I open the blade, run my finger down its sharp edge until it bleeds (all for the drama I assure you). I never thought I’d see the day when big Steve would whimper.

I run the knife under his t-shirt against his skin. He struggles to test the chains…oh they are strong enough, I double and triple chained him just in case. I turn the blade and slice up, ripping his shirt, sliding the knife toward his face. The shirt cuts in two. I hum as I do it (all adds to his fear that I’ve lost it). I cut the sleeves off and yank the remnants of the shirt from under him. The next part is gonna be fun!

I turn to the cuff of his wrangler jeans, poking a hole through the leg and slowly sawing, pushing pulling the knife along the resistant material. I watch as his panic increases the closer I get to his manhood.
After longer than I anticipate, I manage to remove his jeans…only briefs stand between us now.

I slide the blade against his inner thigh…against his balls and along the shaft of his hard cock. Hard? Yes the water he instinctually gulped while out I laced with viagra – oops!
A quick slice or two and the briefs are removed. He is bawling now. I thought he liked being naked around girls?

Just for show though, I run the blade up and down that strong hard shaft a few times where he could see it. Steve is absolutely quivering with fear. Oh ok, time to let him off the hook.

I put the knife on the table. He is instantly relieved. “You’ve been a very, very…very bad boy,” I speak softly. I grab him by his nuts and squeeze just enough to cause a lil discomfort. “You shouldn’t do things like that to nice girls, it makes us cry.” I squeeze a lil tighter then release them.

You and I are going to have sex. A lot of sex. You’d like that wouldn’t you?.” He nods yes not entirely trusting me.
I take out a few large rubber bands. “Just one lil hitch. While I will be borrowing your hard cock and cumming hard while impaled on it…you won’t be enjoying it quite so much.” *Sigh*

I wrap the thick rubber bands between his cock and balls and another around his manhood. The bands must be causing him to be a lil queasy and are just tight enough to prevent him from cumming, but his Viagra laced food/drink keeps his cock at attention. What a wonderful world that allows a girl to rape a guy in revenge.

I slowly remove my clothes to the beat of “Wild Thing” Steve watches, even if I wasn’t using Viagra on him, his cock would salute me. Entirely naked except for my heels and dangly earrings, I stand on the bed. My bare hairless pussy wide open to him as I stand straddling his waist. Slowly I squat until I feel his cock tip kiss my pussy lips. I’m really going to enjoy this. It feels so empowering to be in charge, not helpless.
I reach under me and spread my pussy lips and sit on your cock…feel it enter my pussy and slide deep inside me. I purr as your cock rubs against my already wet clit. Arching my back I begin to ride Steve’s iron rod up and down, grinding on the down thrust. My petite breasts bouncing as I ride faster. Watching you as you struggle needing to cum, wanting to enjoy it but that nusea, the bands…tsk tsk. I cant hold back any longer.

I moan loudly, panting as I release, my cum flooding my pussy over your cock. Omg…Omg…lost as wave after wave of orgasm crashes over me.

I slow as it becomes too sensitive to continue and let it slowly subside before I open my eyes. You have a look of frustration. Desperate to cum, helpless to climax.

I cup your face in my hand and lean close to look at you smiling with a look of pity…”Poor boy”, I coo.

I dismount your cock and look at your still hard cock covered in my cum, running down your shaft, balls and thighs. What a sweet sight. I’d have you clean me off but I don’t trust you Steve.

Just then Kris and TJ show up. I invited them over earlier *smiles* They want a lil fun too and since it suits my purpose, I share like a good girl. TJ however wants to be eaten. I warn her that Steve is not to be trusted. She disappears into another room and after some rummaging returns with a pair of pruning clips. I think he will behave like a gentleman and make this young lady happy…what do you think?”

I remove the gag and Steve starts to swear like a sailor. I grab his nuts and crunch til he squeals in pain…. I make him promise to be quiet unless spoken to and to please anyone who wants it.  He agrees and falls silent.

TJ strips naked, (I’ve seen them both naked before…that’s another real story though) positions herself over his face, Steve begins to lick as TJ grinds into his face, moaning, panting. Its amazing and exciting to see another person cum hard. Before long TJ creamed his face with her cum. She even sucked his cock for a bit, I don’t remember having cleaned it off from my cumming on it, which for some reason made me very hot and wet.

Kris thinks Steve should experience some of the hardships that girls go through to be presentable to guys. She whips out a few hair removal kits. “OMG”, TJ and I exclaim. We plaster every square inch of him and then peel them al off… I didn’t realize guys are such screamers. We save the balls and cock for last. I swear he wanted death more than that moment.

We were a bit merciful after that for a bit. We did his nails and gave him a manicure, plucked his brows and taught him the fine art of makeup. I’m hoping that divulging these traditionally girl secrets to him doesn’t violate some unwritten girl codes somewhere. All this while taking turns on his joy stick…sometimes applying makeup while on his joystick. His hair wasn’t really long enough to do anything with. We thought about dressing him up as a girl but none of our clothes fit him.

Kris had other toys though. She had one toy in particular that required some work. It meant turning him over. We transferred cuff/chain after chain to opposite corners of the bed then under threat of snip snip he did the rest. TJ wanted to be under him with his cock inside her when Kris played with her next toy so with some effort we got her under. Odd how Steve was beginning to just do whatever we said, even some of that hate in his eyes was blurring a lil.

TJ squealed with delight as he entered her, though he wasn’t humping her yet. Kris revealed her toy…we all laughed out loud at the sight of it…a genuine strap on…too bad Steve couldn’t see it…but he’d feel it soon. It was offered to me first since Steve had taken my raw virgin ass…raped my raw virgin ass, but I declined, quite frankly it scared even me a lil.

Kris took a clear plastic rod from the plunger in the bathroom and shoved it up Steve’s rear. Steve howled, though somewhat muffled by the replaced gag. So Kris strapped it on. It strapped around her waist, around each leg and the back part inserted into her pussy… she lined up, removed the clear plastic rod and forced the massive thick strap on cock up his rear.

“This is how it feels to be butt raped Steve, enjoy it.” Steve was a mess. I could tell he was angry, humiliated, scared, disgusted, probably even questioned his orientation cause Kris was doing a great job fucking his bottom…I think the part that stuck inside Kris’s pussy was doing a number on her too cause I could tell she was climaxing and waning a lil in the humping. Meanwhile every time that Kris thrust, TJ got thrusted into and she was cumming too.

“I want a turn,” omg this is how guys feel – empowered, in control…no wonder they like it. No wonder they do what they do. I could almost forgive Steve for what he did to me… almost.

We used Steve until nearly noon the next day, falling asleep anywhere. TJ cuddled with the still chained up Steve, Kris found a sheet and pillow and took the couch, I propped my feet on the bed and slept in the chair.

I got up first, I thought I might have one more good hard cum before taking a bath…but his cock had deflated. I just flipped it a few times with my finger, no go, Steve was too droopy to play. So I dragged my feet and took a long hot bath, fingering my raw pussy to cum one last time. Mmmmm.

After we had all bathed…except Steve, I kinda felt some remorse. What can I say, I wear my heart on my sleeve. We asked Steve to cooperate and we’d unchain his hands so he could sit up. We sat around quietly until I spoke up.

“You raped me Steve!” I just let it hang there for a second in the silence. “You raped me and it really hurt. We didn’t even do some of the things you did to me.”
After a moment I rose up out of the chair crawled up on the bed, kneeling naked between his chained ankles. I reached up and took his face in my two hands and gently raised his face to look at me. He looked at me sheepishly.

“You are such a good athlete, You’re strong, good looking, you could have any girl…you could even have had me…without taking me by force. I could see a “really?” look come across his face.

We sat there silently. “Look Steve…I think you got a fair taste of what it feels like…let’s just call it even and start over?”

Without a word I unfastened the last cuffs as a sign of my honest offer. It was a tense moment for us girls as he stood naked, half hard, rubbed his wrists. I could tell he was thinking.

Suddenly, Steve extended his hand and said “Hi. I’m Steve.” I smiled and flung myself into his arms and after a short time looked up at him and said “Hi, I’m Shay (my nickname then, ask and I’ll tell you its origin), glad to meet you Steve.  Steve proceeded to hug the Kris and TJ. We even had a quick round of sex before leaving.

Not how it really happened. I was way too upset and hurt back then. But looking back I can reflect on perhaps a more instructive and peaceful ending.