Dark Choice

Desperate choices

                                                                                                                                                              3630 words





I blinked several times trying to see through the heavy marijuana haze that permeated the nightclub. The club was small and rundown, but a popular place for people who wanted to score high quality drugs and listen to music. I had just finished a set and walked towards the bar where I hoped to get more cocaine. My depression was tightening its grip as the last dose faded.

"Hello," a woman's voice said from a table I was passing.

When I turned, I saw a tanned, redheaded woman with her hair pulled back. "Oh, hello," I said wondering what she wanted from me.

"Why don't you sit down," she said. "You don't look well." When her eyes caught mine, I saw genuine concern.          

I felt lethargic as my depression began to envelop me. Why not? Maybe she can help me get some coke.

She wore a dark green, silk sweater and black designer jeans that were out of place among the disheveled clothing of most visitors to the club.

"Cocaine isn't going to cure your depression," she said.

"How do you know I'm depressed? And how do you know I take cocaine?"

"You've been slowing down as the night has progressed and your cocaine induced high has worn off.  Now that we're closer, I can see your dilated pupils.  As for your depression, I haven't seen you smile during the three nights I've watched you."

I shrugged.  She wasn't the first woman who had come onto me over the years I had wandered through the country.  But she was more perceptive than anyone I had met.  "Are you a psychiatrist or psychologist?" I didn't need a shrink who had decided to make me a pet project.

"No.  Just an observer of people, especially ones who fascinate me."  She smiled at me invitingly.

"What makes me so fascinating that you would come here several nights to watch me?" What was her agenda?

"I'm always interested in handsome men." Her smile reminded me of the Cheshire cat.  "More importantly, you're Vincent Baroni, who had two hit albums over five years ago, and was a very promising talent." She leaned back watching for my reaction.

I blinked.  The conversation was uncomfortable because she knew so much about me, and I knew nothing about her. "How did you recognize me?"

"From the cover of your CD, which I much enjoy.  I'm Bella Volchek," she said reaching out her hand.

After I shook it, I said, "Now that we're introduced, what do you want from me?"

"Oh so cynical." She smiled, then canted her head to the left as she studied me. "Many bad things must have happened to you to make you so suspicious.  Let me assure you that I mean you no harm.  I'm also not some strange woman who goes around picking up men and trying to repair them.  You were on your way to being a star, and I was curious to find out what happened to you. I think I can help you get back on your feet so you're not performing in dives like this. I also may be able to help you with your chronic depression and drug problems. If you're wondering what's in it for me, I'm a businesswoman.  I would expect you to sign a contract, and I would be your exclusive manager and agent." 

A snort of skepticism was my response to Bella's offer.

"If you become half the performer you were five years ago, I'll be well rewarded for my efforts.  However, you're a polysubstance abuser with untreated major depression, so I have no illusions about how easy this will be. The question is whether you want to remain in the gutter or take my offer.  It's up to you.  Decide whether you go home with me or I go home alone."

I closed my eyes trying to think, but my brain was still too befuddled with cocaine and alcohol. As far as I could see, I had nothing to lose.  "Bella, you've got me.  I need to finish my last set.  Then we can go." 

When I completed my dismal performance, I walked unsteadily to Bella's table.

She rose and took my left arm, steadying me.  I was nearly a foot taller, but she was strong and helped me walk out of the club to her car parked nearby.  She guided me into the passenger seat, buckled me up, and closed the door.  She got in the car, turned on the ignition, and pulled out into traffic. I didn't know what I was getting into. But after wandering about the country aimlessly for the past five years, stoned or drunk most of the time, I couldn't imagine things being any worse with her.



I remember walking into a luxurious house and her leading me into a finely furnished bedroom with heavy curtains. When I fell on the bed, I must have passed out.  Only another drug addict could've understood the agony of the next two weeks. Hallucinations, nightmares, nausea, and dizziness were my constant companions. 



On one occasion, I awoke and found myself strapped to the bed. "What the fuck are you doing to me?" I shouted. But there was no sign of Bella.  A large, blonde haired man sat in a chair near the bed but didn't move.  I screamed until my voice was hoarse, then I fell back into an exhausted sleep.



On one occasion, I awoke and wasn't strapped to the bed. I went to the closet and started to dress.

Bella came into the room.  "Where are you going?"

"This is too hard. I'm leaving."

"You're staying here and will get well."

"Don't I have a say in the matter?"  I snapped at her.

"No." Bella took my arm, pulling me back to the bed with astonishing strength. Then she reached into a drawer in the bed stand, took out a hypodermic, and injected me with something that put me to sleep instantly.



Detoxification was a complicated process because I had been drinking in addition to my long-term cocaine abuse. During the preceding six months, I had used marijuana as well as heroin.  For the first four days I crashed, lying in bed exhausted.  I was irritable, agitated, and twitching involuntarily. During this time, Bella forced me to drink herbal teas. Her potions helped calm me down, but didn't completely remove my agitation.



After a week, I slept most of the time. Bella, or her attendant would periodically waken me and to drink Bella's herbal teas and swallow some broth. 



On one of my more lucid days, I turned to her. "What's in these teas?"

"They contain herbs designed to counteract the chemical changes occurring in your body. In particular, the teas have a herbal antidepressant so you won't be suicidal." 



One evening, I awoke without a craving for drugs or alcohol for the first time in years. My depression had lessened to the point where I could think more clearly. When I went to the closet, my old clothes had been replaced by a new wardrobe. There were several pairs of jeans and khakis, as well as a diverse array of shirts in the closet. After I dressed, I looked at myself in a mirror. The circles under my eyes were almost gone, and my skin was no longer sallow, but rather its usual dark, olive hued tone. I was in better shape than I had been in years.

"Going somewhere?" Bella asked. I hadn't heard her come into the room.

"I'm staying here where you have rescued me from oblivion."  For the first time since we met, I smiled at her.

"As they say in the self-help books, you're better, but not well. You need to stay clean and sober for the rest of your life if you don't want to fall back into the gutter."

"Is this some kind of tough love?"  I smiled, feeling some warmth for a woman who had invested so much in getting me well.

"I'm just protecting my investment," Bella replied.  She smiled for the first time and touched me, stroking my arm.

Without thinking, I hugged her.  When she grasped me tightly, I became erect and pulled away.

Bella laughed.  "That wasn't necessary."

"We hardly know each other."

"Au contraire, my Italian friend. During the past two weeks I've cleaned snot and vomit off you, changed your sweat-stained pajamas, bathed and shaved you.  I've come to know you very well."  She smiled coyly at me.

"Thank you." I  blushed.  "I appreciate your buying me new clothes.  I'll pay you back as soon as I can."

"Don't worry about paying me back.  If you stay clean and sober, you'll more than make up for what I spent on those clothes."

"I hate to bother you, but I'm hungry.  It's been awhile since I had a meal of solid food, not that I don't appreciate the special teas and broths you have given me."

Bella laughed.          "You don't have to apologize for being hungry.  I'm sure there's something for you to eat in the kitchen.  I don't do much cooking. Most of what I have was delivered from restaurants or cooked in the microwave."

I followed Bella the kitchen where she opened the refrigerator. Inside were several kinds of cold cuts, cheeses, and condiments.  There were also some microwave dinners in the freezer.

"Well, what's your preference?  A sandwich or nuked dinner?"

"A sandwich would be fine."

"There isn't much food in the house.  I'll have Wendy, my administrative assistant, talk to you, and stock up on the foods you like to eat.  It would probably be best for you to make your own sandwich since you know how you like them.  If you excuse me, I'll go change into something more comfortable."

After Bella left the room, I made two sandwiches and was finishing the second when she returned.  "Wow, you look sensational.".

"Glad you like it." She was wearing a dark green silk lounging suit that clung to her body, making it obvious that she wasn't wearing a bra.

I became aroused and saw that Bella was aware of it.

"Let's go into the living room and listen to some music," she said. 

She sat down in the middle of a large, plush green sofa and gestured for me to sit next to her.

When I sat down, I stretched my arms out. Bella leaned her head against me and her eyes caught mine. The intensity of the eye contact and the smell of the perfume, combined with my lack of sexual activity for the past six months were overwhelming. I leaned forward, kissing her without even thinking about it.

Bella wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me passionately. Her tongue entered my mouth and found mine.  As we continued kissing, she caressed me through my pants. 

I breathed heavily, and when she unzipped my pants and stroked me, I moaned and lay back against the couch.  After a few minutes, Bella took her hand away and undressed me.  In a moment, she undressed and was naked beside me. She gently positioned me so I was lying on the couch.  Then she raised herself up, and slowly lowered herself until I was fully inside her.

She began a rocking motion as she pressed herself against me. Having gone so long without sex, I quickly came inside her. After I did so, Bella lay on top caressing my face.

"I'm sorry I didn't last long."

"Hush," she said and laid her head against me.



Despite Bella's teas and potions, I had days when depression rendered me incapable of any work. Sometimes I paced through the house, while other times I sat in a big recliner in the living room staring off into space. As desirable as I found Bella, I was able to make love only once a week.

"I'm sorry I can't do what you want me to."

"You need to do things for yourself not for me."

"I want to pleasure you, but I'm unable to do so because of my depression." I shook my head covering my face with my hands.

Bella sat in my lap and stroked my forehead. "It's all right. I understand." 



I never saw Bella during the day. In fact, I never saw her during the daylight. I'm imagining things I thought.



A week later, I was especially depressed. "Bella, I can't go on like this."

"What do you mean?"

"I need drugs or I will kill myself."

"Don't say such things, dearest."

"You've no idea what it's like to live this way. I wish there was something that would make me feel better. Anything."

Bella held by face between her hands. "What if I were to tell you there is a way for you to feel better, much better. And it wouldn't be for a while, but forever."

"What are you talking about?" Was she serious?

"Do you believe I care for you and wouldn't hurt you?" Bell asked.

"What are you saying?"

"I can make you feel better, make the depression go away forever."

I shook my head, unable to grasp what she was trying to tell me. "There's no way you can do that."

"Yes there is. I guarantee it." Bella's grip on my face tightened so I had no choice but to look at her. "I'm a vampire."

My heart beat rapidly; what I had suspected was true.

"You're no fool. But what you don't know is that if I turn you into a vampire you'll never be depressed again. You won't need drugs because they won't have any effect on you.  I don't want you to decide now, but think about what I'm offering you.  Your life as you know it would end, but your existence would be better than anything you ever dreamed of. We can spend the ages as lovers, doing things and going places mortals never imagine."

I focused on the idea of being free from the depression that had plagued me for so long, desperately wanting to feel like I did before my curse lay over me like a heavy, leaden blanket. I barely heard her proposal about being lovers for the ages.



I spent several days thinking about the Bella's offer. She kept her distance not wanting to put too much pressure on me.  Now that she had revealed she was a vampire, her face was pale white. She had been using foundation to give her face the tanned skin tone. What else was she hiding from me? What did I really know about her? Before I let her turn me into a vampire, I needed to find out who she was.



That night, I confronted her when we sat on the couch.

"Bella, we need to talk."

"About what?" Her demeanor was relaxed, as if she had anticipated this moment.

"I don't know anything about you. I also have no idea about what it's like to become a vampire."

She smiled. "What do you want to know?"

"For starters, when and how did you become a vampire?"

Bella's smile tightened. "These are things I don't like to talk about. But I can understand why you want to know." She paused, steepled her fingers, and closed her eyes. 

"It was New Year's Eve, 1898. My husband and I were at a party given by a business associate of his. It was a few minutes before midnight, and I was intoxicated. A tall, gaunt man I didn't know came up to me and asked me to dance. When I refused, he pulled me into a side room, then down a flight of stairs into the basement. I screamed for my husband but, because of where we were, there was no chance he could hear me. He told me how pretty I was, then pushed me against the wall. When he opened his mouth, I saw his fangs and fainted. Two days later, I awoke and discovered I had become a vampire. He was callous and indifferent and would bring home young women for us to kill."

Bella shivered, shook her head, and stared off into space. She blinked, and her gaze caught mine. "That's as much as I'll tell you, which is more than anyone else has ever heard."

"Thanks. I didn't realize how traumatic such an experience could be. Watching scenes, such as you've described, in the movies never seemed real to me. What will it be like for me?"

"Dearest." Her right hand stroked my left cheek gently. "I care for you and wouldn't cause you any unnecessary pain. It will hurt for a moment, then you'll lose consciousness. When you awake, you'll be feverish and disoriented for a couple of days. When your head clears, you'll experience a hunger that you've never known before. But you won't have to kill anybody. Almost all vampires now use whole blood." The tension disappeared from her body and she smiled.

"That helps." I took a deep breath. My heart was racing and my mouth filled with cotton as she had told me her brief story. Despite her assurances about what I would gain, I was still concerned about what I would lose.



On many days, feelings of worthlessness hammered within my head, distorting my thinking, leading me to dark places that were unbearable. At times, I had an overwhelming desire to break out of the house and get cocaine. However, during the day, the blonde haired man guarded me, and at night, Bella lingered in the background.



When I finally made up my mind, I felt more at peace then I had in a long time. I went to the kitchen, opened the freezer, and took out two of the steaks Bella's assistant had bought for me. While the steaks were frying, I baked a potato in the microwave, and took out a pitcher of the tea Bella had made for me.

After eating, I sat in the living room watching the sun disappear behind the large blue house across the street. As the room darkened, I heard Bella's footsteps.

"Saving on electricity?"  Bella asked.

"Just getting used to the dark.".

"So you've made a decision."  She stood silently, letting me say what I had to without any prompting.

"I can't tolerate a life of depression, and the drugs and alcohol will kill me before I'm forty." I sighed, shaking my head. "I haven't got the guts to commit suicide.  If I'm going to live, so to speak, I might as well do it feeling of sound mind if not sound body."  I chuckled, but I felt no joy.  It was the ironic laugh of a man living on a mental death row given a pardon by a vampire.

Bella came closer and kissed me on the neck. "I hear your ambivalence, but in a few days when you awaken each night you'll feel strong, vigorous, and you'll be able to do anything you want to."

"Just do it," I said.

"Now?"

"Yes."

"We'll be together for a long, long time, and I promise that you'll live an exciting life."

"No."

"No, what?" Bella asked, stunned by my statement.

"We won't be together for a long, long time.  Just do it, and I'll be on my way as soon as I can."

Bella's eyes narrowed and her jaw tightened.  "No."  She said emphatically.

I stood and looked at her.  Now acclimated to the dark, I saw her widened eyes and tightened lips. "You won't do it?"

"I won't turn you unless you stay with me for at least fifty years."

I laughed loudly.  "Indentured servitude is against the laws of this country.  Even if it wasn't, I would never agree to such terms." My anger was rising, and for the first time in my life, I felt like hitting a woman.

"Take it or leave it," she said harshly. "I could kill you in an instant if I choose to."

"Then do it and you'll have made my decision for me."

Bella clenched her hands and made a growling sound. She stood there, looking at me while she decided what to next.

As I stared at her, I wondered if I really had a choice. I turned and went to the window. The expensive houses around us sharply contrasted with the hovels I had lived in for years. Accepting her offer meant giving up my humanity. I would become one of the undead and never see the light of day. If I refused her offer, I was condemned to mind numbing depression or going through a short life perpetually stoned. I needed to feel alive even if I had to die. I have to give her something.

"You can have me, but I won't give you fifty years of my existence."

She glared at me, exposing the tips of her fangs. For her, this was more about power then love.

"Are we playing let's make a deal?" she said derisively. "Okay. Make me an offer."

"I'll give you five years. No more."

"Five years? You can't be serious. I can turn you without your permission."

"Do so and I'll run away at the first opportunity."

"How dare you threaten me?" She growled and took a step towards me as her incisors extended.  I can never know how long she stood that way. But in that time, I saw the horrible creature she was.

Finally, her body relaxed and her incisors disappeared. "Fine. Five years. During that time you'll be mine and do whatever I ask, regardless of how unpleasant you find it."

"Fine. I have a feeling you're going to make my life as unpleasant as possible."

"Be sure of that," she said and sank her fangs into my neck.