Bi-polar breakdown

A day began, elegant and bright.
This will shatter in the blink of an eye,
For with my emotions I will fight
They make me drown, and at the same time, fly-

Because it’s the
Snap! Of the finger
Out of tune
With the eloquent
Rhythm
That’s all it takes
To shoot to the sky
So effervescent
The evanescence
Of humanity’s
Sanity
Despite all
Our vanities
We fracture the realities
Headlong into the crossfire
Consequences so dire
Yet unheeded by desire
The flame of impulse
Reaching ever higher as I

Stop. Freeze. And there is nothing.
As before, I am nothing. As always, I deserve nothing.
In the depths of a lonely hole, I am lost.
Bleak and oblivious, lost to the abyss,
Heartbroken disorder has taken toll.
I am dragged slowly into my self-imposed hell,
My demons tearing at my flesh,
Rendering my thoughts asunder.
I claw at the bleeding walls of my prison,
A hole inside the depths of my heart,
Into which no light can enter.
Life ripped from my body, I sigh,
Tears unwilling to fall from these sinful eyes
The blade draws across my skin and releases my pain
So that I may subside into myself, and welcome the numbing

Shriek! At the baseline,
Pounding at the same time
Of our fists in the air
Without care
This looks like fun!
Dare!
Jump into the crowd
Make those silent thoughts
LOUD!
The crash of the cymbals
And the storm begins
A soul of thunder,
Gone in a flash,
I delight in the purification
Of precipitation
Basking in the bitter-sweet
Serenade
Of my favorite bands
My world an explosion of

Silence. There is no world, for if I am the maker
Of my own world, I must conclude that there is nothing,
For I could never be creative or determined enough to create life.
I am a blank canvas with no painter,
I am an orphan of the heart, for which no solace exists.
I feel no cold as I stand outside, the freezing winds
Howl in agony around my unfeeling body.
No emotion is alive here. No life will thrive,
Not in this hostile world. I feel crushed,
The burdens of my past breaking me down.
I wait for respite, for the caress of the blade,
For with it

Hit play!
Let that metal out,
Thrumming base
And air guitars,
Smash glass,
Gouge the walls
Broken knuckles
And frenzied nights
Heart thrashes in the chest
Close to bursting
What could be a worse thing?
No thing! Could compare,
To the exquisite
Exhibit
Of human energy
Inside of me!
Release the inhibition
Inquisition
Of the institution
Matters not, for I am

Spiraling madness
A contusion of the soul
All emotions exist; now in discord, for I am:
Full force
Unbearable
Intolerable
Unquestionable
Unquestionably
Insane
Deranged
Screwed up
Worthless
Gutless
Maniac
Lunatic
Tyrant
Freak
Time bomb
Schizo
Roller coaster
Two-faced
Liar
Just waiting for the flat line
Waiting for mental equilibrium
That would offer solace
To a damned soul like…

What lunacy drives these thoughts?
What cruel and twisted god has wrought such pain?
No just God can exist when such misery occupies our realm
Throbbing pain, spreading from broken bones,
Thick, black bruises,
And soft, bleeding gouges in this diseased and unworthy flesh.
No force is able to end my life,
Yet the end is all I seek
To stop this insanity,
To quell the demons in my head,
To lighten the burden of living
And to stop this heart from bursting.
I just want the pain to stop,
I want the world to stop,
I want the music to never stop,
I want the fights to never stop,
It seems like this blood will always run, dripping down my thighs…

JUST MAKE IT STOP! I pray this night,
tortured beyond being able to cry.
I wish someone could hear my plight,
And grant me peace before I die.