Insanely Sane

Insanely Sane


I take out all my coloring pens,
readying sheets of paper in tens;
and then my right hand begins to write
about feelings that I cannot fight.

While darkness is suppressed by light--
look at me, ecstatic and free.
Atop my cloud nine, soft and white--
floating, dancing like a fairy.

Still I worry, can't help but doubt
every time that I think it through.
What then, when the shadows come out,
wreaking havoc I can't undo?

I rip and tear the sheets into shreds,
as I feel them snap-- my "control-threads"...
Slowly losing my grip on fury,
the tantrums run about in flurry.

Oh, how I hate these fears, these pains!
The way they bind me hurts me so.
I want to shatter all these chains.
Let me go where I want to go!

Mad violence, insanity,
destroy everything, kill all hope!
Thoughts swirl in my head like crazy,
giving me no time to think, to cope.

In minutes, will and control return.
But with vengeance, my shielding walls burn.
My smiles, my anger, my loneliness
blend together making one big mess!

Oh my! After all that screaming,
I simply feel so tired, so drained.
Now suddenly, tears are streaming,
their blackness getting me all stained...

Then, the next moment there's laughter.
I'm giggling like mad, wanting all
the care, love, and looking after.
Insanely sane-- deeper I fall.


...36 lines...
I do not know anyone personally who is suffering from Bipolar Disorder.
I didn't even know about it, until I read a forum about it here in WDC.
I hope I was able to grasp the conflicting emotions... and inner turmoil someone who suffers from this has!