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10-02-09
Hi Vince, More changes made to the previous edited manuscript I sent you. This is still for your information only. Do not use this yet to change your chapter 2. The major edits I made are marked in blue. The sections highlighted in red are comments to you. Note that I am trying to inject a certain bond between Austin and the eagle. Vince, your narrative has acute wordinitis. LOL. I made that word up. But you know what I’m talking about, don’t you? Many of the phrases/sentences can be shortened, or eliminated without harming the message you’re trying to convey. I suggest that when you write, try to do it with the simplest and least amount of words. I feel bad when I delete some lines because this is not my story. If you can shorten your chapters, you can probably get more and better reviews. People in general try to gloss over long chapters. Have you thought about making the Austin/Anastasia a separate chapter? I think it’s a good idea. If you do it, this chapter “The Last Dive” would be just about that, and we can create some kind of a cliffhanger to end it. Mulan ============================================================================= Nereid's World Chapter 2 The Last Dive Two years later, and six thousand nautical miles away . . . . THE SEA ILLUMINATED as the night receded from the horizon. Multiple objects had tracked a heading of 177.5 degrees. As one descended from 10,000 feet, its speed had approached 100 mph, the dark mass glittering as it streaked through the sunrise. Simultaneously, a dozen silvery objects slithered a mile and a half below the murky water; their mutual destination: Little Creek Harbor. Wednesday, 05:30. Naval Amphibious Base, Little Creek Virginia. The early morning light had filled Lieutenant Austin Z. Athera’s room at the Officer’s Base Housing Complex. Startled, he jerked awake in the middle of a recurring dream as his alarm clock came to life. As his grogginess cleared, he realized that his sheets were soaked with perspiration. He tried to recall the details of the dream that had haunted him since the accident in Afghanistan. It began with the diminishing wop, wop, wop sound of the Chinook’s rotors as he was about to plummet to his death. The Lieutenant flicked a glance toward the wall calendar and noted the date: July 4th 2007. Man, I made it,” he rejoiced. Just four more days. . . then the big day. I'll be receiving my DD-214, discharge papers. Damn! It seems like yesterday. Quickly, he jumped from bed and rushed to the shower. He remembered the exhilaration he felt when he was sworn in. "Gentlemen. You're now proud members of the world’s best Navy," the _____ declared. I can't believe it. Just looking back on the many events, it had been six long active years. Just a few more days and it'll become just another proud segment of my life. ((THIS NEEDS TO BE REFINED.)) * * * Following his rehabilitation, the Lieutenant disciplined himself to maintain a strict exercise program. This had been in addition to his SEAL team workouts. Very few men would even consider doing both; however, this is what made Austin unique. His early morning workouts usually would last thirty minutes give or take a few; this depended on his team schedule. His heated body was then tempered with a refreshing hot then cold shower. At six foot two, his body weight remained at 218 lbs. His workout ritual attributed to his maintaining a body fat no more than ten percent. His reward was a vibrant energetic body, nurtured through an impressive vascular system. * * * Today was a very special day for Lieutenant Athera as it would mark his last dive assignment with the SEAL. He stood before the mirror and proudly dressed. His neatly ironed and pleated fatigues were pulled up then zippered; next, he donned the spit-shined full zippered jump boots. Since the accident, he intentionally would give the appearance of effortless movement and confidence. During his long rehabilitation, he would not reveal his true pain to others. He disciplined himself to walk naturally and was able to continue his career with the Navy SEAL. The titanium and plastic components in both legs had mended securely. He had been able to set aside any previous fear of their failure. He theorized that in his line of work broken bones came with the territory. Wasting no time, he ate a light breakfast consisting of two hard-boiled eggs, a glass of orange juice, and a large mug of coffee…for an alert mind, as he was known to say. After the needed dive gear was loaded in the two-ton jeep, he climbed in and fired up the diesel V8.The twin stacks bellowed as they created two clouds of black smoke that rose into the early morning air. He smiled and shook his head from left to right. So much for our environment, he thought, as the Hummer jerked forward; its destination being his dive assignment at pier eleven. After winding out low he switched gears, the all-terrain tires hummed when maneuvered over the warm concrete streets, still wet from the night's heavy rain. An occasional puddle created a spray that cooled his face, and steamed off the truck's dual pipes. It's good to be alive, he thought. ((The spray could also soil his smart dress uniform that he admired so much in the mirror earlier. He can't possibly be happy about that.)) He followed the four lane main road as it twisted around the far edge of the base. The sound of the whining gears complimented the bellows from the twin stacks. Burnt diesel aroma was evident as the wind shuttled through the truck cab. Soon the road narrowed into a single lane constructed from compressed sand and loose gravel. ((The jeep rumbled on the stones for a way, any components that were worn or loose had their chance to be heard. )) I don’t quite get this. It slows the pace down; a simpler wording might do better. He turned off the main road and headed toward the bay. Within a quarter mile he approached the dock's security post and slowed down abruptly when he came to a stop at the checkpoint. As the dust settled, he removed his sunglasses and displayed his badge to the security guard. “Good morning sailor,” he greeted the guard with enthusiasm. "Good morning to you too, Lieutenant,” the guard said with a smile and a salute, which the officer returned. “For a moment, I thought you weren't going to stop.” He handed the officer a clipboard. “Will you please sign here, sir. It looks like you're headed for a dive assignment. It’s going to be a great weather for it." "Yes, indeed!” He signed the form and handed the clipboard back to the guard. “You have a nice day now." “You too, sir. Have a safe dive.” The Lieutenant gunned the engine to continue on to his destination. A tide of excitement washed over him in anticipation of an excellent dive. Within several minutes, the jeep started to shake as it was down-shifted and climbed onto the wooden deck section of pier 11. The aroma of sea and burnt diesel fuel filled his nostrils. He heard the songs of seagulls in the distance; the sounds fading in and out as the wind shifted. Although the pier’s condition was considered as one of the best, it was an end pier, susceptible to wind exposure. The large, seagull-stained sign posted on the dock landing read: THIS IS ONE OF THE 61 PIERS, SURROUNDING LITTLE CREEK CHANNEL, STILL UNDER CONSTRUCTION. PROCEED WITH CAUTION. The weathered wooden planks made a dull, knocking sound as they depressed under the heavy truck tires. Austin stopped, shifted, and then backed up into the dock parking area. Seagulls lined the railing behind the jeep. They were everywhere. Some fished, others were in flight. Their bird droppings landed everywhere like arbitrarily placed graffiti. Vehicles and people seemed to be their preferred targets. He always found the birds amusing, as long as they kept their distance with their unwanted droppings. Suddenly there was the sound of squawks and many flapping wings. Austin watched as the seagulls and feathers scattered in all directions. He knew from his studies that birds, all animals for that matter, will flee from danger given the opportunity, unless cornered into fighting. Looking toward the sky away from the sun, he noticed a large bird circling up high. The bird traveled at a good speed as viewed from the ground. For a brief moment, a sense of déjà vu filled him as he remembered the green-eyed eagle that had saved his life more than once. He sighed and continued to prepare for his day's assignment. The slight breeze that usually entertained the dock landing escalated into a warm wind and kicked up the sand around him. He shut his eyes for protection and turned his face away from the blowing debris. Blinking, he looked up at the sky and noticed that the large bird was nowhere to be seen. When he brought his gaze back down to earth he found the bird perched on the fence behind his jeep. His breath caught, as he felt impaled by the bird’s hugeness and sharp, golden-green eyes. It was the same eagle that saved his life. He was sure of it. He looked around to see if anyone was watching, then surreptitiously approached the bird. “Hello again. It’s good to see you here.” He inched closer, raising his hand toward the bird’s talon in an attitude of friendliness. The bird reacted with a slight tilt of the head; its feathers seemed to glow in the bright sunlight. “I’m beginning to think you’re following me,” he continued with a face-splitting grin. “First, in Afghanistan where you saved my life; then in California at the Naval hospital; and now, here in Florida.” The bird made a gurgling sound, prompting the Lieutenant to bring his hand back down to his side. “Relax, I’m not going to hurt you. I’m your friend, remember?” He tried to touch the bird again, but halted when the bird started to flutter its feathers; its body surrounded by a glow that intensified rapidly when its impressive wings started to flap. Then in an instant it leapt into the air, creating a trail of powerful wind as it took to the sky. The glowing energy stayed with it as it flew towards the water's edge and landing on the dock's main support beam. The eagle turned to look at him, then flew down toward the bay and disappeared from sight. Austin wasted no time and ran to where the eagle had landed. As he approached, he heard a splash and several thumps; within seconds he stood on the edge; just in time to see a silvery tail slip through the water, then dove away from sight. He looked down and around; there was no bird to be seen. He returned his view toward the bay and witnessed something in the distance that made an occasional splash on the water's surface. He briskly walked to the rear of the vehicle and brushed off sand that had swirled around him moments ago. He hesitated before dropping the tailgate as he remembered to pick up something important. Quickly, he turned and headed for the dockside communications trailer. He hopped two steps at a time up the six creaky planks to the front door landing of the trailer. As he opened the door, a chime sounded a musical tone, announcing a customer’s entry. He inhaled the cool air that instantly assailed him-- a welcome contrast to the warm and humid Virginia weather. He stepped into the empty room and waited patiently. After a few minutes he called out, "Hello Schultz. . .anyone here?" "Just a second,” a voice from the other room yelled back. “I'll be right there." The brawny, sun-tanned radio technician entered the small counter area and was immediately thrilled to see the Lieutenant! “I can’t believe it. Damn...it's good to see you, sir. It's been quite awhile.” The two exchanged a firm handshake. “Yes, it has. It’s good to see you, too, Schultz.” “I was just checking my day's com-unit workload, sir. I take it you want your DiveLink headset, right?” “Right. Got it all checked and re-certified?” “Yes, sir! I have it right here--” He pulled the underwater two-way radio mask from a drawer and placed it on the counter. “All ready for you, sir. Examined it myself.” "You're sure on the ball, Schultz. I know you're the best communications tech on the base. You're the only one I trust." “I'm not sure I am the best on the base, sir,” Schultz said sheepishly. “But thank you. I appreciate that.” Then he remembered hearing about the Lieutenant’s mishap in Afghanistan that almost killed him. “I can't get over how great you look, sir; wait till I tell the misses. It’s been about two years if my memory is correct. We are forever grateful for what you did for our daughter. If it had not been for the blood transfusion you gave--" he gulped with emotion as if swallowing a golf ball. “You saved our daughter’s life, sir.” The Lieutenant put a hand on the man’s shoulder and squeezed it gently. “You’re a good man, Schultz. I was happy to do it for you and your family. I trust your daughter is doing great and healthy?” “She is, sir. She’d be very excited to hear about you and that you asked about her. By the way, I've heard about your advanced shortwave radio hobby, Lieutenant. They say you’re quite the expert on the subject." "Well, Schultz. . .” the officer said, relieved that the subject had changed, “radios have been my hobby since I was a kid. I just take an interest in different radio frequencies, their limitations and specific uses. It's fun. I did build a few radio kits, even the old crystal types. Really though, I know nothing in comparison to your special skills. You can trouble-shoot and rebuild them. I admire you for that." "It’s my job, sir. But yes, I love it. When I come to work, I'm in my own little world. Say, I heard during shop-talk that you’ve purchased some fancy designer frequency scanner? The Lieutenant's face beamed at the mere mention of his new toy{/I as he called it. "I sure did Schultz. This new one will actually measure the radio frequency waves and capture or lock in the frequency. Then it will show the actual digital numbers on the big LCD including the type of radio band ranges like, VHF, SW and HF radio. This unit does it all. I can't wait to set it up once I get myself situated in my own house. In fact, last weekend, I had my real estate agent assist in the closing on my home. I purchased an old Victorian style house just south of here. It overlooks the ocean.” "It sounds great, sir. Seems you’re ready for civilian life.” “I am, Schultz. I’m excited about it.” “Well, good luck, sir.” Schultz handed the transmitter receiver mask to the Lieutenant. “Here is your unit. It should be good underwater for a range of 1000 feet, and can be received by a headset on shore.” The Lieutenant tried the mask on, and then adjusted the headset straps. "This looks in great shape. Thank you, Schultz.” “Oh, by the way, sir, some of your team's headsets are due for re-certification this month." “No problem. I'll make sure my men return their radio headsets for certification after today's dive." "Oh, could you remember to say hello to Chief Bronson for me? " "You got it. Well, I’d better go. My team should be arriving by now." “Have a safe dive, sir.” “Thanks, Schultz.” The men shook hands again before the Lieutenant turned and exited the trailer. Wasting no time, he returned to the jeep, quickly dropped the tailgate and skillfully removed his dive gear. Everything was placed on a rubber roll mat and gripped by the two large nylon handles. He proceeded to walk to the end of pier 11. At 07:55, his crew of four SEALs arrived at the end of the pier. The Navy rack truck rumbled to a stop then backed close to the dock benches and locker shack. The men jumped off the truck bed, joking and laughing like high school football players. As they disembarked and unloaded their personal dive gear, they demonstrated their high degree of training and professionalism with effortless moves and in record time. THIS HIGHLIGHTED AREA IS CONFUSING THE WAY IT’S WORDED. ARE THE MEN SUPPOSED TO BE REMEMBER A DIFFERENT DIVE? PLEASE CLARIFY. The dive assignment was a familiar location to them. They all remembered the site from their BUD/s training days. ((what is BUD/s?)). Safety-inspection of the old training shipwreck was accomplished based on time, and is critical for current and future Navy divers. The day's weather was perfect. The weather had abundant sunlight and calm waters accompanied by a slight southwest breeze; it made their short hair blow ((The slight breeze can do that?)). It even caused the flying seagulls to make corrections by banking their bodies to stay over a fixed water feeding location. "Good morning gentlemen," Austin greeted his men as he set his gear on the deck near the benches "This is it men, my last dive." "Say, Lieutenant. . . is it true you're going to quit the Navy?” said Murphy as the two men stood outside the locker shack. ((I thought he was facing his men?)). “I hope it's only a rumor. Man. . .the Navy just got you trained. Come-on, say it isn't true." "You heard it right, Chief. I finally decided to retire from the Navy to be a schoolteacher. I love to teach and spend time with children." Austin, was looking down at the deck, and slowly kicked a pebble back and forth between his boots; he searched for the right words for the occasion. “Yeah...I will be participating in the education of America's fine children. There is a great need for proper guidance. In fact, I accepted a position teaching the earth sciences. Something I've always enjoyed." "That’s terrific, Lieutenant, but it’s sad news for us,” replied Chief Bronson, while toying with his tank support hardware. “I just started getting to know you from the few missions we'd been on together. And what I had experienced so far I respect. Aside from your tough nature you're really an honorable man and the team members look up to you." "Well Chief, I appreciate your concern, ((HE’S NOT CONCERNED; HE’S JUST EXPRESSING HIS FEELINGS AND ADMIRATION)) I'm sure the Navy will give you a good replacement, perhaps not as tough but you never know." The Lieutenant found it uncomfortable talking about leaving the SEAL, and these fine men were closer to each other than most brothers were. "Lieutenant, a shapely brunette SEAL officer, would be a step down from you sir, but we would live with that. We're all just jealous you're retiring." Chief Bronson said in a lower voice that was broken with emotion ((I THINK THIS IS MELODRAMATIC AND NOT NECESSARY)) I QUIT EDITING HERE. TO BE CONTINUED LATER. "Jealous, Chief now I know you're full of crap. You know you're all happy to see me go, look at all those grins," Austin said, with emotion swelling, and breaking in his voice. He continued to strap up his gear. "Yeah, I guess you're right there, Lieutenant." Chief Bronson walked up to him and gave Austin a hearty handshake. The Chief then received a surprise. "Wow, you still got it; man you're strong. I guess those broken legs and cracked skull you suffered in Afghan, still left you with plenty of strength." His body language demonstrated, he was both, humbled and proud, to know such a fine officer. "Chief, you become the gross product of the way you live your life and the food you choose to put into your body. Remember what I said. All right, suit up!" "Oh by the way, Schultz said hello, I just saw him in the communication trailer. Okay men, remember to stay alert and always keep your dive-buddy in your view. Let's synchronize our watches at 08:10." The Lieutenant covered his watch-reset button and waited for their agreement on 08:10 setting then counted. "On count of five, one, two, three, four, and set 08:10." They synchronized their watches to his. On his final assignment, his team performed a thorough safety inspection of the old six-hundred-feet-long by sixty-feet-wide shipwreck in the harbor. The inspection was uneventful. During their dive, a small pod of bottlenose dolphins bobbed up and down for air while they swam playfully near the divers. They were putting on a show. Their silvery blue skin shimmered in the sunlight reflecting the colors of the rainbow. Some dolphins were twisting repeatedly, captured air pockets glittered as they rose through to the surface. There were some were swimming bellies touching. As they swam in the clear water, sunlight illuminated their fins and enhanced the appearance of the swirling bubbles. In the midst of this activity, the dolphin pod leader swam close to the Lieutenant perhaps sensing he was the diver in command. Then the dolphin pod leader made a pass, swimming over the top of the Lieutenant, turned and then returned. He noticed it was a female by the mammary-slits. This dolphin had very unusual eyes they were a bright golden-green, almost majestic in appearance. This dolphin came right up to the Lieutenant and made direct eye contact ((You like to use this phrase. Vary it a bit once in a while). He experienced simultaneous sensations: Something strange is happening, I have felt this before. A state of dizziness and exhilaration consumed him as if he had fallen through space toward the earth, there was a compression as if diving into the great depths of the ocean. Darkness blue-green in nature closed around him with socking pressure, then it ended abruptly in a state of coldness. He shook his head to clear the feeling. Without hesitation, he instinctively reached out to pet the dolphin's beak-like snout and smooth skin. The dolphin stayed close to him for a while as if she sensed something about him, then she swam a short distance away, then turned to look back. It appeared as though she wanted to communicate in some way. The pod of dolphins joined her and they slowly swam out of sight and vanished in the sunlit waters. The dive team kept in voice-contact using their DiveLink ultrasonic communication system. Austin informed his team of some dolphin trivia. "Just in case, you do not know this, Gentleman. These dolphins produce clicks and whistles to communicate; in the frequency range of one-thousand to one-hundred-thousand hertz. I am sure Murphy knew this. Am I right Murphy?" Austin awaited a clever response while grinning under his mask. "Lieutenant, I knew it before I knew the difference between a boy and a girl" retorted Murphy a bit embarrassed being singled out by the Lieutenant. "Wow, in your late twenties I'll bet," replied Chief Bronson. "Oh shut your face...at least I learned, you still don't know,"retorted Murphy. "Ahhh...go play in traffic you dimwhit," Bronson shot back. "Al right knock it off guys," ordered the lieutenant. His efficient team being in this training maze many times, made quick work of the assignment, including their small talk and kidding. "Okay, Lieutenant, we checked the stern to bow sections; also both port and starboard sides. All the support beams are secure, and in sound condition. The hull bottom has plenty of tall seaweed. We did not find anything dangerous in and around the area, you-copy sir?" reported Chief Bronson. "That's a copy, Chief, Okay all four divers start heading up, I will follow...copy Chief?" "Yes, sir, that's a copy," Chief Bronson confirmed the order to surface. The team gathered on the deck of pier 11. They shared some small talk, laughing and gesturing, slapping hands, and pointing to one another, then laughing some more. After removing their dive gear and turning the wet suits inside out to dry, these experienced search and rescue team members, like school kids, climbed into their vehicle. Austin stood there the whole time watching the show— these were some great men, he thought. "Lieutenant, make sure we see you before your discharge, all right Sir," the Chief reminded Austin, adding a smart salute. "You can count on it, Chief," Austin smartly returned his salute, the pride swelled and tightened his throat, he would not dare to say another word to them in this state—a slight wetness was forming in his blue eyes. The wind on the pier suddenly started to blow, kicking up sand and small gravel across the deck. Austin stayed there watching, until his team's truck rumbled from sight. On Thursday, Austin's SEAL team surprised him with a going away party. Chief Bronson arranged the get together. Austin received a hand engraved diver's watch from his team. The inscription on the back plate read, "To God we pray, In Austin we trust." They shared good food and drink.Good cigars were passed around. The men drank beer, Austin always preferred white wine. Chief Bronson made a speech, and each team member made a short speech of his own. For those in attendance it was a memory to cherish. Austin closed the speeches with one of his own..."and in closing, gentlemen, it had been a memorable and worthwhile six-year tour of duty. It had been a world of incredible experience, one, I will never forget." On Friday, Austin, turned in all his special amphibious SEAL equipment to base supply and completed all his packing leaving enough fresh clothing for the weekend. Then Monday, his last day, he was scheduled for his discharge proceedings at the base personnel office. Monday morning came quickly; Austin arrived at the personnel center and signed in at the front desk. "Good morning, I have a 10:00 appointment for my discharge proceedings." "Oh yes, you must be Lieutenant, Austin Z. Ahtera. Let's see, at 10:00 you are to go to Room 3 on your right, you have a ten minute wait sir, Anastasia will assist you then, "she said adding a friendly smile. Austin approached Room 3 at exactly 10:00 and looked in. The receptionist from the front desk was just leaving the room. She brushed closely by the lieutenant, still smiling. "Good morning Lieutenant, come on in and have a seat." She walked around the desk to shake his hand. "Long time no see, Lieutenant,"she kept her warm smile while still holding his hand. "Excuse me...we have met before? I was here last month getting some paper work but I can't seem to remember meeting you then. If so, please forgive my memory." "No...it wasn't last month. Maybe two years ago, it was in the spring as I recalled.Oh, there was a county fair going on." Boy...this is unbelievable, I just can't remember. I did have a severe head injury during a mission, but up until now I hadn't noticed any memory loss. I was told that my memory was intact. Please forgive me Anastasia. How could I forget a lady who has your beauty, did we–were we–involved? This is terrible." "No, not really, it was nothing, just a passing fling. You were a SEAL officer, and I was a kid out of high school...you know, impressionable kind of. Oh well...really it was nothing. So...please don't give it a second thought, alright?" She quickly relaxed her handshake, stood up straight and returned to the other side of her desk. "Anastasia...this is something I got to know about; this is serious. Please...I gotta know, where and when did we meet? "Lieutenant, please forget it. We'll both survive it. Really it was nothing." "We'll both survive it. Now I know your not telling all. Come on...please. Can I take you to dinner tonight and talk?" "No, no, that's not necessary. Really...it was nothing. Now let's get you processed, alright?" So Austin, your head injury, that probably explains the memory loss, but then...I was nothing to really remember two years ago. My hair was different, I had zits and little to no makeup–well, so much for that. Now let's see you're about to be discharged. "I am so embarrassed. I never expected this on my last day in the navy. It's a good thing I still remember my mother." "She must be quite a lady, I would have loved to have had the chance to meet her. It's water under the bridge, so they say," she slowly closed her brown eyes and smiled. "Well, let's get down to business." Anastasia assisted Austin with his discharge paperwork and recorded his permanent address. "Lieutenant I noticed your home is in a small coastal town of North Carolina. You're about ten miles from my Mom's home; it's sure is a small world." Anastasia looked at him with a raised eyebrow as she continued to type. "Really. That is interesting. So your Mom and I are neighbors, she must be a looker also. Say, here's a thought, when you visit your mom, please give me a call. Perhaps we can go for coffee, a soda or something. It will be on me," Austin laughed. "Why not. I don't think you will bite me...or will you?" She maintained a pleasant expression and handed Austin a pile of documents for his inspection and signature. He read each paper and then signed where required. Anastasia reviewed each signed paper and then made a copy giving the original to the Lieutenant. "Say Austin, hope you don't mind me calling you that; near your home there's an old abandoned lighthouse. I've heard several strange stories, spooky ones about the place, we used to hide under the blankets and tell story like that," Anastasia looked amused. "I like, the under the blanket part, Anastasia," When the paper signing was complete they both stood up and shook hands. "Lieutenant, maybe I will see you around North Carolina someday. Good luck." She quickly turned, returning to her desk and started filing his papers. "Your perfume, it's...It's awesome–Yes, perhaps we'll meet again. Good bye, Anastasia. See you around." He stood there briefly and then slowly turned and then left the office. Austin's van was packed and ready for the trip to his civilian home. Within minutes, he was heading south to start his new life in teaching and trying to preserve our natural environment. Ah, for the good life: A peaceful life without missions. Maybe I'll find myself a good woman and settle down...Dammit...can't believe I said that. As he drove along a memorable song swelled up in him... Anchors Aweigh my boys Anchors Aweigh It is farewell to foreign shores..."or was it farewell to college joys," Oh...what ever... ...We...sail at break of day day day day Through our last night on shore 'Drink to the foam" Until we meet once more Here's wishing you a happy voyage home. ...! Heave... ho there sailor Everybody drink up while you may Heave a ho there sailor For your gonna sail a break of day Drink away, Drink away, For you sail at break of day, hey! Dammit I'm good he mused.
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