Chapter Twenty-Two: Joseph's Past

FIRST DRAFT



The journey to the cottage was much longer on foot, and much more frightening after dark. The shadows that looked like people and the roots that looked like animals from her first trek out here in the dark were back, but twice as scary on a moonless night. Thank heavens she’d thought to bring a lantern this time!

Before she got to the house, she saw the faint light trickling through the cracks in the doorway, the thought that he hadn’t been able to sleep either gave her a strange satisfaction. She hurried forwards and pushed the door sideways just enough for her to slip inside.

Joseph was sitting up on his bed of hay, flipping through one of the old books she’d brought him to read by the light of the single candle that sat on the floor. He had obviously heard her approach for he didn’t seem at all surprised to see her, only upset.

“What are you doing out so late?” he demanded before she’d taken a single step.

Crystal strolled to the bed and dropped to her knees. “It’s delightful to see you as well,” she said sweetly, ignoring his question. She blew out her lantern and set it aside before plucking the book from his lap and turning it to read the cover. “You seem to be enjoying this,” she observed, noting that the place he’d marked was half way through the story.

Joseph took the book from her and fanned out the pages. “I haven’t started it actually. I was flipping through it to find out what happens.” He sighed and tossed it on top of the few others beside his bed. “I’m sorry for upsetting you earlier,” he added quietly.

Crystal looked away. “What makes you think I was upset?”

Joseph chuckled without mirth. “Now look who’s keeping secrets.”

She turned to deny this but dropped her head as she realized he was right, she was keeping secrets; she still hadn’t told him about her wedding. “I’m sorry. I’m just so . . . so . . . Oh, I don’t know! Everything is so confusing right now, I don’t know where to begin.”

She felt Joseph’s fingers brush her upper arm and she shuddered. “I’m sorry,” he said again. “It’s all my fault, I never should have let you in my life.–”

“Would you stop saying that!” Crystal cried. “Don’t you understand by now that I want to be in your life? Don’t you want me in your life?”

“Of course I do.” Joseph reached for her hand but she jerked away. “But I also want you happy and alive.”

Crystal sighed in defeat. It was the same argument they’d had earlier that day, the same argument they’d been having since they met, and she was tired of it. Her gaze fell on the pile of books beside them and she decided it was best to change the subject.

“Do you not like to read?”

He raised his brow in that familiar way of his, obviously wary of her abrupt switch. “I don’t know. I’m not very good at it so I’ve never really tried. My mother taught me and Michael the alphabet and sounds when we were young but once we came to New Orleans it didn’t seem too important.”

She was surprised by the small glimpse he was giving of his past. He was usually very guarded about everything he said.

“You should practice,” she said. “I could help you if you would like me to.”

Joseph shrugged. “I doubt I’ll be here long enough for that.”

Crystal’s brow creased. “What do you mean?”

“Do you expect me to stay here forever, Crys?”

“Of course not, but –”

“Then there’s no point acting like I will be.”

Crystal glared at him, her anger once again kindled. “Why do you always do this?”

“Do what?”

“Shut me out! I just want to get to know you. I want to understand. Why won’t you let me?”

Joseph shoved his hands back through his hair and clenched his fists for a moment before dropping his arms. The dark locks fell back into his eyes; he was in desperate need of a trim. He dropped his head and his voice was empty when he finally spoke. “Because I don’t think you can understand, and I don’t want you to hate me.”

Crystal’s anger evaporated as quickly as it had come; she grabbed Joseph’s hands in her own and leaned forwards so that she could look up at his face. “Do you really think I could ever hate you? After all this time?”

Joseph pressed his forehead to hers and closed his eyes. “I don’t want to take the chance.”

“Joseph, please. I need to know.”

“It’s a very ugly story,” he said, sighing. Crystal knew she had finally broken through his walls and a giddy anticipation hit her.

“You owe it to me,” she whispered.

Joseph leaned back against the wall and regarded the ceiling. “I suppose I do,” he said, his eyes darkening. She knew his thoughts were drifting back to his past. After a long moment he turned back to her and she adjusted her sitting position as he began: “I’ve told you before that my father died in an Indian raid on our ranch in Texas?”

Crystal nodded encouragingly.

“And that me and Michael came here with our mother hoping her parents would take us in?”

Crystal nodded again. “Yes, and your grandfather wouldn’t allow it, correct?”

“Yeah, he said Ma deserved what she got for running off with a cowboy and he didn’t care that she had children. My grandmother gave us a little money and we stayed in an old boarding hotel in the French Quarter while Ma searched for work. She was able to take in laundry once in a while and I tried to find work as a stable boy but there wasn’t enough money.

“A month passed and we couldn’t pay the rent, let alone afford food, it was the middle of winter and bitterly cold. Michael was only seven and, starved and freezing as he was, it wasn’t long before he caught pneumonia. Ma was desperate. She would stand on the streets in the biting wind and beg for money, she begged the churches, she even went back to my grandparents, but what little money she was given was never enough for coal, food, shelter, and medicine. Michael was close to death.

“That’s when Riley found us, or should I say her, begging for money in the Place d’Armes. He took us in, provided a doctor for Michael and gave us everything we needed. I thought then that he was good and that’s what made him do it. It wasn’t until I was much older that I realized just how much Ma paid for us to stay there.

“Over the years me and Michael began to think of the Clan as family, and we looked forwards to the day that we would be allowed into the secret meetings that were always being held. Michael started to see Riley as a father figure, though Riley never paid much attention to him. Riley always knew what you wanted the most and made sure you never got it. Like Michael with his longing for attention, and Ma dying for escape. He said people were easier to control if you knew how to shatter them.”

Joseph stared at the ceiling again for a long moment and Crystal set her gaze on the flickering lantern beside her. “Did Riley know what you wanted most?”

She saw him nod out of the corner of her eye.“What was it?”

When he didn’t answer, Crystal looked up; he was staring at her, his eyes soft. “You,” he said quietly.

Crystal bit her lip as heat flooded her face. “Oh.”

Joseph continued: “Ma grew distant, she seemed empty; though she tried to hide it from us, I heard her crying at night all the time. She would whisper my father’s name over and over and beg God to let her die. She hated Riley for what he made her do, she hated the Clan; sometimes, I think she even hated herself.

“Then one night, when I was fifteen, I was laying in bed with Michael asleep beside me, and I heard her scream. I ran to her room but the door was locked; I could hear Riley and her behind it. They where both shouting, glass and furniture was smashing against the walls. Riley kept screaming: ‘How dare you betray me!’ I found out later that she’d tried to turn Riley into the police but Sam had caught her and brought her back.” Joseph smiled sardonically. “She found out what happens when you betray Riley, there’s nothing he hates more than a snitch.”

Joseph’s voice was so cold and hard Crystal shuddered, thinking of William’s bloody face weeks before. Charles had been so upset that the police hadn’t caught Riley, but Crystal had thought he wanted justice, not that he was afraid.

“I tried and tried to break down the door,” Joseph went on, “Dislocating my shoulder in the process. Eventually Sam came and forced me to stop trying to get in. All-the-while she just kept screaming curses at him, I wanted her to stop so badly; I was sure he’d kill her if she didn’t. Then there was a crash and I couldn’t hear her anymore. Only Riley’s roaring voice as he raged, and his boot as it repeatedly smashed into Ma’s body.

“I was sobbing by the time Riley opened the door. Sam dropped me at his feet and Riley just looked at me for a long moment, then walked away. I was so enraged that I jumped up and attacked him. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill him with my bare hands; but I was no match for Riley. He hit me once, maybe twice, before I went down, and told Sam to take care of me. Sam dragged me in the bedroom where my mother laid, barely conscious on the floor . . . and . . . took care of me.

“When it was over, I had three broken ribs, a broken arm, and a slash along my face that nearly slit my throat.” He gestured to the long scar that ran from his hairline down to his neck. “I crawled to Ma’s side and collapsed next to her. She was crying and choking up blood and I knew she wasn’t going to live. She told me she was sorry for bringing us to Riley, and made me promise to leave him. ‘No matter what you have to get away from him, Joseph,’ she said to me. I promised I would. The last thing she told me was to watch over Michael. She died at dawn. Michael never knew about any of it. I told him Ma had been sick and she died from it. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that it had been Riley; the man he idolized.”

Crystal saw the moisture shining in Joseph’s eyes and had to quickly wipe away her own tears. “But you never left,” she whispered, sniffling. Her words were hoarse and shaky but she couldn’t control it. “Why?”

Joseph turned to look at her and concern replaced the sorrow. He raised his hand to wipe the trails of tears from her cheeks. “I tried,” he said. “But after only a few days, Riley found us and told me that if we ever tried to leave again he’d kill Michael, and Ma made me promise I’d protect him. But in protecting him I broke my other promise.

“After the night my mother died, I somehow became the favorite, though I’ll never really understand why. Maybe it was because of how much I hated Riley, he’s always admired hatred; he told me it makes you stronger. And over the years I pushed it down and let it grow, waiting to let it loose. Which I did, every time Riley wanted to teach someone a lesson, it was me who taught them. I took Sam’s place and he resented it, but I needed it. And every man I hurt had Riley’s face, cried out for mercy in Riley’s voice. I practiced for the day that I would be able to get Riley alone.” Joseph hung his head. “Then I dreamed of you and my mother and everything changed. I realized that I’d become like Riley. I’d become the very man I despised. Living for hate and revenge, losing all sight of what love was. I pushed Michael away, hating him for not hating Riley, even though he didn’t know – still doesn’t know – what Riley did to Ma. I’d failed her completely, and all along I thought that I would get revenge for her, that it was what she wanted. But it was just me. I failed her.”

Crystal couldn’t bear the look of torment on Joseph’s exhausted face, couldn’t bear the tears that he rubbed harshly from his eyes. He was filled with shame and she didn’t know how to take it away, though she desperately wanted to. She moved closer to him, accidently toppling the lantern in the process. They were cloaked in the night. It was as if even the crickets and frogs felt the pain that was radiating out of the cottage, for they barely chirped. The loudest sound was Joseph’s gulping breathes.

Crystal crawled into Joseph’s lap and wrapped her arms around him. “I’m sorry, Joseph,” She brushed her lips across his forehead as her eyes filled with tears. “I’m so sorry.”

She stroked his bare back with gentle caresses, her fingers trembling as they ran over his warm skin. His heart beat rapidly against her own and she moved her hand to rest over his bandaged chest. Joseph pulled back slightly and caught her gaze, the candlelight flickered soft shadows across his face; his eyes were pools of dark green.

“I couldn’t bear to lose you like I lost my mother, Crys. I’d rather die.”

Crystal choked on a sudden sob and leaned forward till their foreheads bumped gently together. “Don’t say that,” she whispered. “I’m not worth dying over.”

“Yes you are.” He brushed a fresh tear from her cheek and she tried to turn her head away but he held her still. “Now stop crying. I’m not worth crying over.”

Crystal smiled slightly and her lips began to tremble along with the rest of her body. They were only inches apart now and part of her wanted to close the gap, the small voice of guilt that usually rung in her head was silent; it was just her and Joseph and a powerful yearning coursing through her veins. The smile fell from her face. “Yes you are,” she murmured before leaning forwards.

Joseph’s lips met hers in the most delicate of kisses. Nothing at all like the kiss they had shared before; this was like the brush of angels’ wings. Crystal shuddered, the warmth of Joseph’s lips caressing over her mouth, tingled through her body. He broke the kiss and brushed his lips down the side of her face, up and down her jaw line, his breath hot against her skin as he moved to kiss the tears from her cheeks. Then his mouth was once more dancing over hers with feathery kisses that left them both breathless.

All too soon he pulled away again, his eyes nearly black with controlled passion. His hand came up against her face and he ran his thumb slowly along her lower lip. Crystal fought the tears that threatened her eyes once more, but lost the battle. Joseph brushed these away with his thumb also, yet they continued to stream down her face. She tried to look away but he held firm.

“Crys?” The passion in his eyes faded as concern replaced it. He gripped her face gently with both hands. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she whispered, pushing further into his arms; her tears were wiped away against his shoulder.

Joseph pulled her down into the hay with him and alined his body to hers. Crystal was very aware of every inch of his long hard frame through her clothes and the thin blanket. He buried his head in her neck and she clung to him, shoving the accusing voices of her conscious from her mind. She could feel his warm breath on her skin and his heart beating next to her own; that was all she wanted to feel. She wrapped her arms around his back, stroking her fingers through his soft hair.

They didn’t speak; no more tears threatened. Crystal laid in the dark cottage listening to Joseph’s breathing. When it finally evened and she was certain he was asleep, she gently untangled herself from his embrace and covered him with the blanket. She was reluctant to leave him alone, wondering if he would wake and think she’d deserted him. Yet there was worse consequence if her bed was found empty at dawn, which was steadily creeping closer.

She rose to her feet and took the broken door in her hands. She glanced back at his dark form, then stepped outside and put the door back in its place, never noticing the shadow that watched her from the cover of the trees.

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"Chapter Twenty-Three:Engaged"