Chapter Twenty-Three:Engaged

FIRST DRAFT



A soft buzzing sound awoke Joseph to a hot and humid afternoon. The air was thick with heat and he felt like he was suffocating in the small confines of the cottage. A fly swarmed above him, and he waved it away. After a moment the humming returned, the sound allowed Joseph to doze, but when the bug landed on his face the tiny tickling sensation abruptly woke him again. He swatted the insect away and eased himself into a sitting position.

The blankets beneath him were soaked with sweat and his hair was damp. He glanced around the small room and felt disappointed, even though he’d known Crystal wouldn’t be there.

Joseph felt a stinging on his arm and slapped his hand over it, when he raised it, his own blood was mixed with the tiny body of a mosquito. He groaned and wiped his hand across his trousers.

The clothes Crystal had brought him were old and moth-eaten in a few places. The yellowing cotton shirt had too short of sleeves and he’d rolled them up to the elbows. His pants were faded, thin through the knees, and had to be tied with a cracked leather belt to keep them around his hips. They were now soaked with sweat and stuck to his skin, trapping the heat against his body.

With slow movements, he inched the shirt over his head and tossed it across the room. It did little good. The heat was still smothering him and the sweat under his bandages was making him itch. He glanced towards the door that, not only kept out the animals, but held in the hot air. After weeks in the small cabin he couldn’t take it anymore.

Easing himself to his feet, the world went in and out of focus, he leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, his body unused to the vertical position. Once the dizziness wore off, he cautiously made his way to the door, balancing against the wall as he went. He didn’t bother trying to lift the door from its place, instead he pulled it back and it crashed to the floor.

He squinted as he stepped outside; thin rays of sun filtered through the trees, blinding him after the intense darkness of the cottage. The air was still and muggy; not even the memory of a breeze slipped through the trees. Nevertheless, the new oxygen was refreshing and Joseph inhaled the musty scents of grass and rosemary bushes, catching the faint scent of the tobacco that drifted from the fields beyond the cottage. He walked off the porch and into a large patch of hot light. Closing his eyes, he absorbed the heat; it was the first time he’d felt the sun in weeks.

After a few moments, his body couldn’t take it anymore, and he retreated to the shade, dropping onto the rotting porch steps. He could hear the quiet trickling of the stream a hundred yards west of the cottage. His mouth went dry, but he didn’t think he could trek the distance in his state. He closed his eyes and listened to the sounds of the birds chirping in the trees and the fireflies that fluttered overhead. A few minutes passed before he caught the sound of horse hooves thudding against the earth, getting closer with every beat.

He looked up and spotted a familiar deep chocolate mare threading its way through the trees. Crystal was perched on top, her soft blue riding habit easily noticeable from far off. Joseph sighed in relief upon seeing her, though a nagging doubt continued in the back of his mind. Would she tell him to leave? Would she hate him?

The mare emerged into the small clearing around the house and came to a halt in the tall grass at the edge. Crystal’s eyes narrowed under her black bonnet when she caught sight of him. Slowly she dismounted and wrapped her horse’s reins around a low hanging branch before she made her way to the porch. She planted herself a foot in front of where he sat and placed her hands on her hips. He caught the spicy sweet scent of her skin and swallowed hard as he looked into her eyes, which shown a dark blue in the bright light.

“Good afternoon,” he murmured, trying to suppress the smile that her accusing expression brought to his lips. “Is something wrong?”

“How did you get out here?” she demanded, her voice high and tight.

“I walked,” he said simply.

“Well of course you walked!” Crystal said sharply, her face flushing pink. “What were you thinking? What if you fell? You could have hurt yourself!”

Joseph smiled despite the angry look on Crystal’s face and tried to keep his eyes from wandering the length of her body, he couldn’t help but glance down though. Her thin cotton dress clung to the damp skin around her stomach and arms, a drop of sweat trickled down her neck into the shadow of her cleavage. He wet his lips and pried his gaze away, his eyes flickering to her face. She was still glaring at him with cold blue eyes, her pink mouth formed a hard line and her eyebrows were raised in silent question; Joseph’s smile turned into a full grin.

“I’m sorry, Crys. I was suffocating in there. I had to get some fresh air and move around.”

She eyed him for a moment before seeming to decide that she would forgive him this time; the sharpness left her face. “I suppose I can understand that, it’s terribly hot today.” She reached up and untied the ribbon under her chin before pulling her bonnet off her head. Her hair was flat and damp with perspiration, framing her face in dark stands. She pulled the pin loose and he caught his breath as the chocolate mass spilled around her shoulders. Joseph itched to run his fingers through it, biting his lip, he looked away to keep from acting on the urge. It had taken all of his control to hold himself last night. He couldn’t figure out what was worse, having only a little of her or having none at all.

His desire had grown worse with each day that passed, and he’d become accustomed to reeling it in. Though some days that had proved to be pure agony and he could do nothing but push her away so as not to do something he’d later regret. Nearly everything she did triggered a need in him that went way passed physical; he literally ached just to look at her.

“Are you all right?” Her cool palm came to rest on his forehead.

“I’m fine,” he said, pressing his head against her hand and closing his eyes. “Better now that you’re here. You were gone when I woke up. I – I wondered what you thought about . . .”

Crystal brushed her long fingers back through his hair. “I was afraid you would think I had abandoned you, but I couldn’t stay.” She dropped her hand. “I’m sorry.”

Joseph sighed. “Don’t apologize. I just – I can’t help but wonder why you trust me so much. Why you even care at all. I know I don’t deserve it, and I keep waiting for the day you realize that.”

Crystal leaned forward and pressed her lips against his forehead, her hair concealing them like a silk curtain. The soft caress was like rose petals against his skin and the delicious smell of her intoxicated him, bringing back the memories of what her mouth tasted like. He clenched his jaw, trying to resist the urge to pull her into his arms.

“I think, after everything you’ve told me, it’s about time someone cared,” she whispered as she pulled away.

Joseph watched her cautiously ascend the few steps to the porch and disappear into the cottage. She emerged moments later with her hair twisted back into place upon her head and a tin bucket in her hand. After informing him she was going to fill it at the stream, she skipped into the woods.

He laughed seeing her go; he forgot how young she was at times. Younger than Michael even, but she didn’t act that way. She’d risked her reputation, her very life. All so she could help him, save him. And he’d let her put herself in danger, he was still letting her. When had he become so selfish?

She returned from the stream lugging the bucket of water carefully at her side. When she plopped it down beside him, Joseph didn’t wait for her to tell him to drink. Grabbing the ladle that was tied to the pale, he gulped down the liquid. Crystal disappeared into the house once more, when she reappeared she was carrying the thin blanket from his matt and a small, sack.

Joseph raised one dark eyebrow and regarded her as she dropped down beside him and put the blanket and bag aside. She pulled the bucket of water towards her and began fumbling in her skirt pocket. Joseph eyed her curiously as she revealed a small wax lump of soap and dropped it in the water.

“What are you doing?” He asked cautiously.

Crystal didn’t look up. “I’m going to change your bandages.”

Joseph raised his hand flat against his chest and felt the damp fabric that covered it. “Then what’s that for?” He gestured to the bucket.

“Washing,” she said shortly, scooting closer to him.

Joseph inched away, shaking his head. The thought of her getting any closer too tempting to risk. “If you wash me, I get to wash you,” he said, smiling slyly to lighten his words.

Crystal’s face flamed, but instead of laughing, as he’d wanted, she looked ashamed.

He laughed to show her he was kidding, the sound coming out hollow. She reached to unwrap his bandages and he stilled completely as her fingers contacted his skin and she glanced up at him with wide eyes.

“Crys–” he began, his voice tight and gruff.

“Hush,” she cut in firmly, though she would no longer meet his gaze. “Just let me wash the wound.”

He nodded stiffly and let her remove the bandages; the fresh air relieved the itching of his skin. Crystal threw the used bandages aside and reached in the bucket for the small chunk of soap. She rubbed it into a lather between her hands and then scooped a ladle full of water from the pale. Joseph sucked air between his teeth as the cold liquid poured over his chest. She didn’t seem concerned with wetting his clothing and after a moment of Crystal’s dousing, he was drenched in the refreshing water. He gasped as she splashed a last ladle full on his head and shook his head, sending water droplets flying.

Crystal laughed. “That feels good.” She wiped the drops that had splattered her face and reclaimed the soap. She rubbed the chunk across his chest in slow circles, biting her lip in concentration. She wouldn’t look at him as she worked the suds across his flesh, and this gave him vast opportunity to study her. He focused his thoughts on the rosiness of her cheeks, the slender curve of her neck, and the damp curls that rested there, to keep his mind from the gentleness of her hands, and the fire they were kindling in his body.

“You’re shivering,” she whispered after a moment, moving the soap across his shoulder as she spoke.

Joseph shrugged and looked away, his mouth too dry to speak. She affected him like no woman ever had. The slight brush of her fingers was driving him insane. He couldn’t breathe without inhaling her sweet scent, couldn’t think with her so close, and he wanted her closer.

“Is something wrong?” she asked, setting the soap aside.

He cleared his throat. “N – no. It’s– it’s the heat getting to me is all.”

“Well.” She smiled, mischief sparkling in her eyes, “maybe this will help.” In one fluid motion she swiped up the bucket, now half filled with water, and dumped it over his head.

Joseph gasped and coughed as the water soaked him through. He flipped his head back, drenching Crystal’s blouse and drawing a shriek from her lips. Grinning, he shoved his dripping hair back from his face and flicked the excess drops from his hands playfully in Crystal’s direction.

“Thanks,” he chuckled. “I needed that.”

“No. Thank you.” She plucked at her wet blouse and threw him a glare that was softened by the smile she couldn’t seem to hold back. “I now appear to be sweating like a pig. Not an attractive state for a lady.” She shrugged. “It’ll dry though. And, speaking of drying, it’s probably best that you are.”

Crystal snatched up the blanket she’d brought out of the cottage, dropped it over Joseph’s head, and scrubbed his hair with the thin wool before settling the blanket around his shoulders.

“Better?” she asked, rubbing the wool up and down his arms.

Joseph rested his head against the porch beam behind him. “Not really,” he sighed, feeling the heat rising once more in his body from her close presence.

She frowned and stretched the blanket to dry his chest, gently patting it over his bullet wound. He grimaced slightly and her eyes widened in alarm, she started to pull away but he caught her wrist.

“I’m sorry–”

Joseph shook his head. “No, it wasn’t . . .” he fell silent as the diamond ring on her finger caught the sunlight. He tilted her hand so that the ring glittered; a sick feeling pooled in his stomach.

Crystal stilled completely, and when he glanced up at her she was watching him with nervous eyes. He looked back down at the sparkling jewel, fingering it with his thumb.

“I forgot you were engaged,” he murmured.

Crystal tried to tug away but he wouldn’t release her hand. She didn’t speak.

He couldn’t look at her, his mind rushed back through the previous night– and all the days before that, thinking of all the chances she’d had to tell him. He remembered her unexplainable tears and the look of guilt at his teasing; betrayal twisted up his throat like a snake, choking him with its cold rage.

“How long until the wedding?” he asked with amazing calmness, his fingers clenching harder than necessary to keep her hand in his grasp.

“Um . . . a– a week from today,” Crystal whispered, her voice shaking.

Joseph’s eyes widened, but he quickly masked his alarm. “When did you plan on telling me to get out?”

“Joseph, please! It’s not like that.” She pulled harder trying to free her hand but he wouldn’t let go.

He finally looked up at her, his eyes a cruel shade of green. “Then what’s it like? Do you plan on keeping me out here as your play thing?”

“Of course not! Joseph, you have to understand–”

“Well I don’t understand!” he exploded, throwing her hand away from him. She wrapped her arms around herself and buried her head in her raised knees. “I don’t understand why you lied to me after I told you everything. I don’t understand why you kissed me, and I don’t understand why I thought you would never lie to me.”

“I didn’t lie.” He heard the muffled words she spoke and hated that it hurt to realize she was crying.

“Do they not call it lying in high society?” he asked, his voice was taking on the tone he used to torment Clan members and others who crossed him, icy cold, and deadly.

Crystal raised her head; the puffy red of her eyes and the sheen of tears on her face was like a knife twisting in his gut; knowing he caused her pain was torture. Why couldn’t he hurt her even when she hurt him?

“You knew I was engaged.” she said. “How was I to know you had forgotten? But I was going to tell you. And I’m sorry I kissed you, I don’t know what came over me, but I wish I hadn’t.”

Joseph flinched, her words slicing him through. “Just wanted get a little taste of sin before you married your strict Catholic husband, huh?”

Crystal looked stricken at his words, her eyes wide as if he’d slapped her.

“Figured you’d use the poor little outlaw that owed you his gratitude?” He stabbed at the wounds he could find. “Maybe you want to practice before your wedding night?”

“Stop it,” she whispered, dropping her head once more.

“Who cares if it hurts the criminal? He’s just a murderer, he doesn’t have a heart anyway.”

“Please stop.”

“Why don’t we go ahead, Crys? I’ll show you everything I know.”

“Stop it!” she yelled, Covering her ears, she stood.

Joseph jumped up and grabbed her arm to stop her from leaving; she looked at him with terrified eyes and shoved him hard in the chest. He grunted and let go, sinking back to the porch steps. He dropped his head in his hands in defeat. She was afraid of him. She thought he was going to drag her back into the house and rape her like he’d tried to do before. He really was a monster.

His rage evaporated as quickly as it had come and he was left feeling like a city struck by a hurricane, nothing but devastation in its wake.

He waited, expecting to hear the pounding of her horse’s hooves as she hurried home, but there was nothing. Slowly he raised his head; she was standing beside her horse, reins in hand, staring at him.

After a few moments she retied the Bay’s reins and cautiously made her way back to the house, coming to a stop a few feet from the porch. Now that she was closer she looked at everything but him. Her eyes scanning their surroundings with far away eyes. Both of their gazes shot to the sound of a snapping branch to their left, but after a moment of searching they dismissed it.

Joseph let out a long breath of air and then took one in. “I’m sorry,” he said listlessly. “You make me crazy, Crys, I can’t control myself around you.”

Crystal wiped her damp cheeks on her dress sleeve and sat down beside him, her body pressed right against him. With a sigh she laid her head on his shoulder. “Then maybe you can understand what happened last night,” she whispered, “because I lose control around you too.”

Joseph nodded, though he didn’t understand at all. She couldn’t feel the same way he did if she was actually willing to marry another man; for him Crystal was the only one.

He reached for her left hand where it rested on her knee, she was hesitant but let him again study her engagement ring. After a long moment he finally spoke. “Do you love him?”

She sat up straight, her gaze cutting to his face then quickly away. The color drained from her cheeks as she bit her lip.

He waited, but no answer came.

“No lies, remember?”

She nodded though she still didn’t speak.

“Crys?”

“I know, Joseph. I’m just trying to think. I mean . . .” she sighed again. “I’m trying to love him,” she finished lamely.

Joseph could feel his temper rising again and quickly shoved it back down. “If you don’t love him than why are you marrying him?”

“Because I have to,” she said bluntly.

“Why?”

“Because he’s my fiancé.”

“Crystal, you’re being insane! Why did you agree to marry him in the first place if you didn’t love him?”

She hung her head. “Everyone expected me to. And Charles seemed so good, I thought surely I’d fall in love eventually.” She met Joseph’s disbelieving gaze, her blue eyes begging for understanding.

“Why don’t you call it off?”

Crystal began examining her ring. “I can’t. Mother and Father would kill me. I’d be shunned by society; and Charles . . . Charles wouldn’t like it.”

“Crys, look at me.” He lifted her chin and looked her in the eyes. “Are you marrying this– Charles, because you’re afraid?”

She shook herself loose. “No. It’s just– I can’t explain it, but I can’t back out now.”

Joseph ground his teeth; he wanted to shake some sense into her. How could she throw away everything because ‘everyone expected her to?’ Why was she listening to these people that were ruining her life?

“Crystal, please,” he grabbed her hand and leaned in close. “Think of what you’re doing.”

She looked at him with sorrowful eyes and he raised his hand to the side of her face as he’d done the night before, tracing her lip with his thumb.

“Please don’t,” she said miserably, dropping her gaze. “I can’t bear it.”

“Why not?” he asked, a seed of hope growing in his heart. “Does it thrill you when I touch you? So much so that it hurts? Do you feel like you’ll die if you’re away from me for too long?” He forced her to look at him and he saw the tears swimming in her eyes once more. “Because that’s how I feel about you. I think about you every second of every day. When I met you I felt ripped in half, suddenly nothing was complete unless you were around. That’s why I couldn’t keep you away from me, because it hurt when you weren’t there. Tell me you don’t feel that. Tell me you don’t feel this.”

He crushed his mouth over hers and heard her muffled gasp, but she didn’t pull away. After a surprised moment he felt her hands entwine around his neck and her fingers tangle into his wet hair; he groaned and wrapped his arm around her waist, pressing her firmly against him as he pushed her down to the wooden porch deck. Her body shook underneath him, and she moaned as he pressed hot kisses down to her neck and over her collarbone, eliciting a small cry when he ran his hand up her waist to caress over her breast. He reclaimed her mouth hungrily, pressing his lips hard against hers. She sucked in a breath as they came up for air and when he tried to kiss her again she turned her head.

“Stop, Joseph,” she gasped, her voice thin. “Please.”

He pressed his lips against the skin below her earlobe. “Why?” he asked huskily.

Crystal splayed her hands against his chest and pushed, he pulled himself up on his elbows and stared at her. “Because you’re only making this harder,” she said.

He sighed and rolled off of her so that they lay side-by-side. “What’s so hard about it?” he asked, staring up at the rotted porch roof.

“You and I could never be together,” she said quietly. “Why fool ourselves? It’ll only hurt more.” She rose to a sitting position and looked up through the trees at the deepening sky. “I have to go.”

Joseph watched her get to her feet and walk out of his line of vision, but he didn’t move. He listened to her footsteps as she crossed the clearing, and he heard her horse walk away; he continued to lie there.

*******

"Chapter Twenty-Four: Spy"