The Devil Dines with Gnomes in Mind

The Devil Dines with Gnomes in Mind

The imps and devils all laid a great feast,
for hell’s greatest minions and their King, the Great Beast.
Huge bowls and basins were placed on the boards.
And next to the tin plates were the tridents and swords.

The menu was vast, as sins on a list.
Liar’s tongue in aspic, too tasty to be missed.
Great silver salvers of fried hand of thief.
But what most fought over were the garlands of teeth.

Eyeballs and liver may feed devil health,
but teeth could be moulded into hell’s greatest wealth.
To torture the souls that defied hell’s call,
they'd shape them into totems to ensnare them all.

So what did you think that garden gnomes were?
Just badly made pottery whose eyes seemed to stare?
They wait till you sleep in the dead of night.
Knock over your plant pots, hide the bins out of sight.

Fermenting hatred, they stir up dismay.
Creating new sinners for their master this way.
These crudely wrought shapes; a magnet for sin.
Wherever they are placed, discontentment creeps in.

So when you see gnomes just standing around,
stomp hard on their thick heads, grind them into the ground.
But don’t be surprised if in the dust beneath,
you spy the faintest glimmer of rows of white teeth.