its some thing

Keep it simple stupid

Everyone has a moment of truth. Even douche bags will eventually take the blue pill and see the world as it is. Finding out you’re a douche wouldn’t be the highlight of any ones life but at least you know right? You’re a douche Bob, sorry but you have a good life eh?

(Looks Up) Yeah thanks. Its worse when you believe every thing’s great. Your great, the guy your with is great and his mother moving in is great! Great ,Great, Great! Anyone tells you different Fuck em! Even your mom “Honey I’m concerned Mr. Wonderful doesn’t have a job.” (turns to face Parent)
Don’t worry mom, once his back gets better he’ll get a job. It’ll be great!”
Six months later “He still doesn’t have a job?”
Hurt his knee ma, gotta go! Every things great!”
“What’s his Mom like honey?”
“Great!” (Face a little less happy) “Super Lady”
“What about school?”
“He’s an artist, he needs his time now and one of us has to work”
“What about you’re acting?”
“Actors are phonies Mom, besides having two creative people in one house doesn’t work for us.
It’s amazing how much crap a person can swallow when it comes from the one you love isn’t it? You know what love is? It a chemical our bodies secrete when were meet that special some one, fucks with our heads for six months before you wake up with Ted Bundy on your arm and that wasn’t special enough you’re knocked up with Ted Bundy’s baby
And he doesn’t want it. He needs some space. Space and a blow job
(mans voice)
“Stop crying.”
“I’m sad.”
“Why?”
“It’s a baby.”
“Some feminist.”
“Sorry.”
“Do that tongue thing you do. (motion with hands.) Your blocking the TV.
“Ok.”
(Back to audience)
Love…awesome. (big smile) But why stop there, after all we’re together, so why not see how low you can go. This is what my parents had, minus the drinking and broken bones, really so it’s good. It’s great.
“You’re crying again.”
“I don’t think I can do this.”
“This is life babe. Can’t have anything fucking it up for me.”
“What do I tell my parents?”
“Nothing. It’s business.”
“It’s a baby.(to self) My baby”
Silence
(man yells)
“Stop crying! I haven’t had a coffee yet! (turns to leave)
I pick winners! But that’s not all folks, some times it’s easier to smoke a lot of weed than face reality. (smokes up) Yay self esteem! Fast forward four bliss filled years to my moment of truth, My aha ha moment found in the Pages of Oprah Magazine. Other people have god I gots the Oprah taking to me from the far away land of Studio Audiences. Are You In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship girls? Fuck yeah Oprah! Save me Oprah, Tom Cruise and his alien legions have forsaken me! Some times Oprah’s not enough, sometimes it takes a raging barn fire to wake up the sleepy chicks or sometimes it because you’re lying in your bathroom floor ripped on weed, trying to decide if it time to check out or for the bastard in the sleeping in the next room to check out with friendly Mr. Pillow. Then you remember that episode of CSI, where the chick does that and gets caught… Oh yeah and your really high. So you eat some cookies, throw up and go back to bed. Stuff it in girls till there’s nothing left to feel.
“I just have to try harder. Be a better girlfriend and everything will be Great!”
Just because you contemplate killing the man you love and his sweet mother doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong! Smoke more pot and it will become clear.