Lesson 5 - Part 2

Lesson 5 – Part 2

Setting: An outside café at lunchtime, located on the corner of a busy intersection. 

Situation:  the café owner chases a customer with a large knife and a customer is complaining about his food.

Characters: a very frustrated detective interviewing

         A clueless teenage boy—he is clean, in a gritty kind of way—without body art—but he is staring at the ‘large beefy guy with multiple tattoos enviously as they sit waiting for their time with the cop

         An unhappy café patron—more focused on his food than the antics of the café owner and another customer

         A waitress—a forty-something woman, trying very hard to look like a thirty-something woman—someone who has been waitressing too long



*        *        *        *        *

The Waitress

         “Name?”

         “Connie…Connie Cummings.”

         “Okay, just tell me what happened…what you saw.”

         “Well, all I saw was Paulie running out of the kitchen with this knife.  He was chasing this guy…he’s a regular.  He’s in here all the time.”

         “Do you have a name?”

         “I told ya, Connie Cummings.  Oh, you mean the guy’s name…ah…jeez, it’s on the tip of my tongue….ah… Jimmy…Jerry…Jessie….?  No, that ain’t right.”

         “So his name begins with ‘J’?”

         “Whose name?  Oh…yeah.  Ah…No, not a ‘J’…an ‘R’…Oh no…I remember it’s Bob.  Bob Roberts….I think.”

         “So, the owner…”

         “Paulie…”

         “Okay.  Paulie came out of the kitchen and was chasing this customer, Bob, with a knife.  Did either of them say anything?”

         “Well, Paulie said quite a lot—but…ah…I don’t think I can repeat most of it.  Ah…Paulie tends to over-react to things—and he swears.  I hadn’t heard of half the things he can toss out…I mean…”

         “Yes, well let’s try and stay on point…  In between the cursing, did Paulie say anything about why he was chasing Bob?”

         “Ah, well…ah…yeah.  Yeah, he did”

         “And…?”

         “And what?”

         “What did Paulie say?”

         “Oh.  Oh, well he said something about him talkin’ trash about him.”

         “Could you be a bit more specific?”

         “Well, apparently Bob had given Paulie a bad review.”

         “Review?”

         “Yeah.  Oh, didn’t I say Bob is a food critic?  Yeah, he writes for the Tribune.  Well, last week Bob came in and ordered what he always orders…split pea soup and a BLT.  Ah, that’s a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich.”

         “I know…but what did that have to do with what happened earlier?”

         “I told ya…Bob wrote a bad review…accused Paulie of using turkey bacon, and said that the pea soup tasted like piss….Oh, sorry, pee.”

“And Paulie took umbrage with this?”

         “Huh?”

         “Paulie got mad?”

         “Well, yeah—I mean he was chasing Bob with a big knife.  I thought you knew that.”

         “Okay, just give the officer your address and phone number in case we need to talk to you again.  Thank you…”

         “Connie, Connie Cummings.  Ms. Connie Cummings.  What about you?”

         “Excuse me?”

         “You?  Are you married?”

         “Ah…I’m gay.”

         “Oh.  Shame, you’re really cute.”

         “That’s what my partner says.  Thanks for helping us.”

*    *    *    *    *

The Teenage Boy

         “What’s your name son?”

         “RJ…”

         “No, I need your name?”

         “I told ya.  RJ…”

         “What does ‘RJ’ stand for?”

         “Reed Jay.”

         “And do you have a last name?”

         “Well, yeah…I mean…  don’t everybody?”

         “W h a t…is…it?”

         “Marrone.”

         “Could you spell that for me?”

         “M  A  R  R  O  N  E.”

         “Really, my mother’s maiden name was Marrone, spelled just the same.  Wonder if we’re related.  Now, just tell me what you saw.”

         “Well, I was walking along and I saw this one guy chasing another guy with a big knife.  I mean… I never seen anything like it.  It could have been in a TV show….  Hey, it wasn’t was it?  I mean… I texted about everybody I know about it.  Wouldn’t like to find out it was a set up…”

         “No, there was no film crew.  It was real.”

         “Well that’s good.  I mean… I have a certain rep…  I mean… wouldn’t like to think I’d been punked.”

         “Yes, you were going to tell me what you saw.”

         “Well, I heard them first.  I mean… that guy could really string some words together.  I’m going to have to remember a couple.  Use  them on my folks.  I mean…it’s always good to shake up the parental units once in a while.”

         “Okay, what did you see it?”

         “I told you, one guy—the one swearing—chasing the other guy.  Aren’t you picking up what I’m throwing down?”

         “Okay, just give the officer your full name, address and phone number in case we want to get in touch with you again.”

         “No problem…”

*    *    *    *    *

The Unhappy Diner

         “Just take a seat, sir.  Let’s start with your name.”



         “Brockton Frogmorton-Howell.  Yes, I’m one of ‘those’ Frogmorton-Howells.”

         “Ah, yeah…  So just tell me what you saw.”

         “Well, I didn’t actually see anything.  I was trying to tell my server that I was not happy with my Veal Oscar.  I had not mentioned that my steak tartar had too many capers.  Why, they just over-powered the delicate nuance of the…”

         Please, sir.  We’re all tired and want to go home.  So, if you could just tell me what you witnessed, we’ll get done a lot sooner.”

         “Really, officer…I was trying to you when you interrupted me.  Now, as I was saying…I had decided to not complain about the appetizer.  But, when my entrée arrived…well it was just unacceptable. 

         “So I’d just asked my server, what cretin had sullied such a succulent dish as Veal Oscar by substituting spinach for asparagus.  I have never heard of anything so outrageous…”

         “Really, we’ll get through this much sooner if you’d just try to focus.  What… did… you… witness?”

         “I was trying to tell you.  I had just told that woman that only Popeye would think to put spinach in the Veal Oscar when the supposed chef came rushing out brandishing a large French chef’s knife.  He was chasing a disreputable looking little toad of a man.  I must say, that while he was probably wrong in threatening the man, he did have a …”

         “Yes, what did he have?”

         “You interrupted again, young man.  I think you will go much further along in your ah…career if you learn to pay attention.”

         “I apologize, sir.  Please, go on.”

         “The man the chef was chasing had a very unpleasant look.  I would hate to find myself in a dark alley with such a man.  Although, why I would find myself in such a situation…”

         “I’m really not trying to be impolite, sir, but if you would just tell me what you saw.”

         “I’m trying.  What I saw was a pile of limp spinach beneath the lump crabmeat and Hollandaise sauce instead of beautiful spears of asparagus.  But just out of the corner of my eye I did see the toady little man being chased by the chef.

         “Does that help you, young man?”

         “Yes, thank you.  If you would just make sure that that officer over there has all your pertinent information.”