Chapter One--4th revision

"Is this green or red?" Lilly held up an ornament to her mother. She tried to keep track of the color pattern on the half-decorated tree, but she found it difficult to concentrate.

"It's green, honey. Why don't you let me do this part? You strung the lights and garlands by yourself. It's really not any trouble." Vicky Freeman rasped in a voice of a thirty-year smoker.

"I know I'm probably being a nuisance. You know I've always loved to decorate the tree." Lilly fumbled with a tree branch, the soft poke of the needles reminded her of so many happier Christmases-back when she could hook an ornament onto a tree without problems, or pick out her own clothes for that matter.

Right now it seemed the only thing she could do successfully was smell the rich piney scent of the evergreen and could almost feel the sticky sap on her fingers.

"Of course you're not a nuisance, but you are hogging all the fun. I like to do this too, you know." The older woman's voice held a note of merriment.

The glass balls tinkled together in the ornament box. Lilly could picture her mother picking them out and carefully arranging them on the tree. It was a shame she could no longer see her...but there was no point in giving in to her emotions. She lost her sight almost one year ago today, and she'd long since given up tears.

A whoosh of warm air blew out at her from the pellet stove in the corner. They'd recently installed a thermostat so the stove kicked on only when necessary. Lilly missed the old wood stove they used to have; missed the crackling sound of the wood as the fire devoured it. She'd tried to talk her mom out of buying the newfangled pellet stove, but it was no use. Vicky Freeman was adamant this would be more economical. So far, Lilly was not convinced.

"Ah, I think that's just right." Her mother must be finished with the tree now. Lilly imagined her taking a step back and examining the masterpiece.

Lilly inhaled the muskiness of the fresh pine tree and the pumpkin pie scented candle burning somewhere nearby. Even though the anniversary of her blindness was fast approaching, the tragic accident could not take the joy of her favorite season.

All she needed was some eggnog and everything would be perfect. Well, as perfect as they were going to get anyway. The more she thought about it, the more she couldn't get the delicious sweetness of eggnog out of her mind. Maybe she should walk to the store for some?

She'd only been out on her own twice except to check the mailbox, but she was sure she could do it. Besides, she'd have her dog, Crackers to help her. The golden retriever was a trained guide dog. As great as he was though, there were still numerous things she needed to learn on her own, and was still learning. A trip to the store would be good for her. As long as I can keep calm. I don't want a repeat of last time. Lilly suppressed a shiver, as the memory of walking out into the road came slamming back to her. She'd missed her turn onto Main, and found herself in the middle of the street. Thank God there had been no traffic or she could have ended up road kill. Anyway, that had been back in the fall, before the first snow. She'd learned much since then. 

"Do you need anything from the store, Mom? I think I'll go get us some eggnog." Lilly rose from the couch and headed toward the front door. She stopped when her toe nudged the soft fur of Crackers, who rested by the entrance as usual. She stroked his back and felt him rise up on his feet as if reporting for duty.

"Are you sure you can manage okay? I can drive there if you want." Her mother sounded concerned. "Besides, I'm sure we probably have the ingredients to make homemade eggnog. That always tastes better than the store bought kind anyway."

Lilly smiled at her mom's attempt to keep her safe at home. "I need to get out on my own sometimes. I'll be okay. Besides I'll have help." Lilly patted Crackers then scratched behind his ears. "You'll help me get to the store, won't you old boy?"

Crackers rose as Lilly felt along the dog's torso and grasped the harness' handle that rested along his back when not in use.

"Please be careful, Lilly. I'd hate to have any more happen to you. The last time about killed me." The floorboards squeaked as the woman approached Lilly and embraced her. Lilly was grateful she still had her hearing, or else the bear hug would have overpowered her. Her mother was well known for her "quarterback hugs." At least that's what the people in Sage Creek liked to call them.

"Don't worry about me, Mom. It really will be okay." Crackers tugged on the harness and led Lilly toward the front door.

Vicky grabbed Lilly's hand and placed a wadded bill in her palm. "Here. Get me some more tinsel, okay?"

Lilly smiled. "Okay, Mom. I'm on it." She felt the familiar tug on the leash and allowed the retriever to show her out the door and down the front steps. Her own apartment was connected to her mother's in a duplex fashion. It was convenient living next to her mother, especially during this last year when it was almost impossible for Lilly to live on her own.

The frozen December earth felt slippery under her feet. It was a good thing she remembered her boots, as the treads hugged the ice and kept her grounded.

The occasional rumble of the traffic grew louder, a sure signal of her quick approach to Main Street. She'd soon make a right turn and the store would be a few buildings down. No streets to cross, or traffic signals to mess with.

Crackers made little sound, only the occasional tapping of his toenails on the ice. She knew how seriously he took his work and how important it was not to distract him with conversation. This was a hard thing for her to learn, as she was a long time student of the "it's okay to have lengthy conversations with pets" school of thought. It just didn't seem as crazy as the people who talk to themselves.

No, talking with Crackers was strictly forbidden. At least while they were en route. He needed all his concentration to keep the two of them safe.

Lilly shivered. The wind picked up and added an icy chill. She pulled her coat tighter around her body and ran her fingers along the storefronts. This was a trick she'd learned a few months ago.

The facade of Hamilton's Grocery was cinder block. The rest of the small shops on this block were made with brick or metal. It was a mismatched little town, to be sure, but one that she'd always dearly loved.

Her fingers brushed the cold cinderblock of the grocery store and paused to feel the telltale grooves between the blocks. She gave a tug on the harness to tell Crackers they had arrived.

Once inside, Lilly enjoyed the delicious warmth of the store mixed with Christmas music playing. The gentle melody of "The First Noel" drifted through the space. The scent of sweet spices and coffee were the much-needed refuge from the freezing, icy mess outside.

"Hello there, Lilly. How are you today?" A female voice asked from behind her. She'd never even heard the woman approach. She chided herself for distraction of thought and vowed to pay closer attention next time. Sure, it was just Sue, the friendly clerk, but if it happened outside, it could just as easily have been an approaching vehicle.

"I'm good, Sue. Just out for some eggnog. You?" Lilly had never seen Sue, as she just moved to Sage Creek a month or two ago, but her gentle voice always seemed to come from above, almost like an angel. Not like Lilly's own short stature, that accentuated her round frame. She'd never been rail thin, but she'd put on some weight during those few weeks in the hospital when she wasn't able to exercise much.

"I'm just finishing up my shift. Pretty slow today." Her shoes clonked a few steps to the right. "Here's the eggnog." Sue handed Lilly a carton of the holiday treat.

"Is there anything else you need?"

Lilly knew she needed to stop relying on everyone to get things for her, but she had a feeling that Sue was this way with everyone.

"Just some tinsel to finish decorating my mom's tree." Lilly stood still while Sue bustled down an aisle and back up the neighboring one.

"Here it is. I'm selling lots of this today." Sue bagged the purchases and handed Lilly the receipt to sign. Having an account at the grocery store made things easier on her. This way she didn't have to carry a bunch of cash around, especially since she had no way of telling how much money she was handing the cashier. She'd been cheated out of money before from crooked storekeepers, and knew she had to figure out something. This way she simply signed the receipt and the store mailed her a bill at the end of the month, which she paid with her credit card.

Lilly thanked Sue and headed back out into the frigid afternoon. "Okay Crackers, are you ready to lead me home?"

A group of Christmas carolers loped by on a wagon. The horses clopped down the street, and the wagon creaked and groaned. A slight tinkling sound meant someone must have tied bells to the horses. The wagon stopped short in front of the shops and began an amateur rendition of "Jingle Bell Rock." Lilly stopped to listen. What a beautiful time of year this was! It was certainly the most pleasing to the senses. Even though this was the anniversary of a painful time, it was still a celebration of her Savior's birth. What could be more glorious than that?

A quick succession of clumsy feet echoed on the sidewalk. Getting close. Lilly stood still and waited for the person to pass. The carolers were almost finished with their song and she needed to head home. She didn't want her mom to worry.

Lilly stumbled back on her feet as the passerby slammed into her. Unable to regain her balance, she fought with feet that slid awkwardly on the ice. Crackers pulled slightly on the harness, in what seemed to be an attempt at getting her away from the individual on the sidewalk.

"Oh!" The masculine voice rang richly in her ears. "I'm so sorry." A thick, padded arm snaked around her waist, giving her a chance to regain her balance. Lilly took hold of his winter coat, which smelled of pine trees and cologne.

"It's okay. You should slow down though, it's pretty slippery." Lilly half scolded then awkwardly stepped out of his embrace, nearly tripping over her poor dog in the process.

"I'll remember that. My name's Justin, by the way."

"Nice to meet you. I'm Lilly."

The atmosphere, once bustling with life and Christmas cheer, grew stagnate with the silence between the two strangers.

"Not one to shake hands, huh? That's okay. I knew a guy that was a germophobe. He didn't like to touch other people either." The words were quick, cutting and something else...was that embarrassment?

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you had your hand out. I can't see it." She could feel the slow, terrible burn of humiliation inflame her cheeks. Meeting new people was always awkward, especially now. It was so much easier when she could read a person's face and body language. Now she had to rely strictly on the subtleties of the voice tones.

"Ohhhh," Justin groaned. "Is this your guide dog?"

Lilly couldn't help but smile. She'd purposely had a strip of blue fabric attached to the dog's harness with "Guide Dog" stenciled on so businesses would allow Crackers into their establishments. There's your sign, Justin. Lilly giggled and wondered if she should feel along the dog's harness to make sure the scrap of fabric was still there. It could have fallen off and she wouldn't know it.

"What's so funny?"

"I guess I've just always thought my blindness was terribly obvious to people. But I guess it's because everyone in Sage Creek knows I'm blind. You must not be from around here." Lilly could feel herself relaxing. It wasn't often you could slip into easy conversation with a total stranger.

"I just got into town today, actually. Maybe you could help me?" Uncertainty etched his words.

"I'll try. Unless you're asking me to watch the sunset or paint a picture," Her attempt at humor was lame at best, and she knew it. Justin chuckled with what appeared to be sincerity. Maybe he understood her better than others did. Or maybe she was digging too deep into a man she'd only just met.

"I was wondering if you knew of any places to rent around here. I'm not sure how long I'll be staying, but apparently the hotel in town is closed. I had planned on staying there."

"The Hotel went out of business last spring."

Lilly's excitement rose as she thought of the faded for rent sign that had been stuck in the soil outside her duplex for over a year. She'd put it there herself before the accident.

"I know of a house, but it needs a little work." Lilly decided to offer him the modest guesthouse. If this was a "God thing" as she liked to call divine appointments, then God would protect her.

"Well, I'm not much of a carpenter, but I could give it my best shot. How much work does it need?" Justin was all business now. He was apparently a man who knew what he wanted.

"Not much, really. My mother says there are a few shingles on the roof that need replaced and it could use a good cleaning. Other than that you'd just have to put up with having my mother and me as neighbors."

"Really? I don't think I'd mind that at all. A little bit of cleaning doesn't sound bad either. As for the roof, I'm a little leery of heights, but I'm sure I could crawl up there and fix that as well. Do you know who I need to talk to about the house? Is there a phone number or anything?

"You're looking at her. My mother and I own it. It's right behind our duplex on Peach Street. Are you interested?" Lilly had about given up on renting out the old guesthouse.

"I'm absolutely interested." Relief oozed from his words. Lilly could understand how frustrating it would be to expect to stay in a Hotel and find out it had closed down. Sleeping in a vehicle would not be an option this time of year.

As Lilly and Justin hammered out the details of the rental, Crackers jerked hard on the harness.

Not prepared for such a sudden movement, Lilly felt the handle slip from her hands. The shock of icy water invaded her senses as the roar of an engine shrieked in her ears. Bits of ice landed in her hair, the water dripped down her face, her winter coat, numbing her fingers and found its way into her insolated boots.

Confused, Lilly called for Crackers as she tried to listen for the sounds of his feet on the sidewalk.

"Come on, boy!" Lilly's hands spread out before her, feeling for her guide.

"Are you all right?" Justin asked as his soft hands placed Crackers' harness back into Lilly's palm. "I can't believe that truck was going that fast in this weather. He's going to end up killing someone. You must be frozen." Justin wrapped his arm around hers and gently led her down the sidewalk a few steps. She didn't ask where they were going, she felt too embarrassed and helpless to bother with questions. Besides, if he were going to hurt her, she doubted he would do it in broad daylight on a very public sidewalk.

Lilly recognized the smell of the place they entered, and knew they were back inside the small store she'd exited minutes before.

"What happened to you?" Sue called from the counter.

"Some jerk sped down the street and splashed slush all over her," Justin answered for her. "Do you have a towel around here somewhere?"

Five minutes later, Lilly stood in the women's restroom toweling off. She was proud of Crackers for the way he'd behaved on the sidewalk. She knew that he had jerked on the harness in an attempt to pull her from harm's way. If only she'd paid better attention to her surroundings. Isn't that what she'd been taught during all those months of training?

"I feel like such an idiot," Lilly muttered to Crackers beside her.

Lilly placed the soiled towel beside the sink and headed out the door. She wondered how long it had been since she'd left home. She knew she needed to get back.

"Feeling better?" Justin asked from just outside the door.

Had he waited there the whole time?

Lilly smiled. "We really should be going home. My mother is probably really worried I'm not back yet."

"My car's not that far, I could drive you," Justin offered.

The offer tempted her, but she declined. She still had so many things to prove to herself, and this independence thing was one of them. She rose and extended her hand to her new friend. "It was very nice meeting you, Justin. Why don't you come by later and look at the house?"

Justin agreed and Lilly began the cold walk home. Crackers, more than happy to get moving again, led the way without hesitation.

Five minutes later, Lilly breezed through the front door of th/*e apartment and dropped her keys into the little ceramic bowl on the table. The clank of metal and glassware reverberated through the house. Dropping Crackers' harness, she slipped out of her coat as she listened to her pet lap thirstily from his water bowl.

"What took you so long?" Her mother's stern voice cut through the comfortable surroundings.

Here we go again.

Lilly turned slowly to face her mother, too familiar with the woman's intrusions to be startled by the unexpected visits.

"I got splashed with water, and then I dropped Crackers' harness. It took a few minutes to find him again, but we're all right now."

"As long as you're okay. I worry, you know." Her mother's feet creaked across the carpet as she headed for the door. "I guess I'll go back home now. I just wanted to know when you got home."

Lilly heard the door open, and remembered Justin.

"Mom, wait! I found a renter for the guesthouse. It's exactly what we've been praying for."

"Oh?"

Lilly could hear her mother shuffling her feet on the hardwood near the door.

"His name's Justin. I met him at the store. He helped me find Crackers."

"So you always ask strangers on the street if they need a place to live? I swear, Girl, you need to take a lesson in street smarts." Her mother stepped further inside the apartment.

"Of course not, Mom. He didn't know the Hotel was closed, and asked if I knew of a place he could rent. And I did, so I told him so. He'll be coming over later to see the guesthouse, so be nice. It's not his fault you're so paranoid."



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Lilly laid her knitting aside and rested her head on the back of the antique armchair. Her body rejoiced in the relaxation of the evening and the silence of the house. No sound came from her mother's apartment.

The TV was turned on low, just enough for background noise. She often wondered why she still owned a television set. It was, after all, a piece of equipment that relied heavily on a person's sight to be able to understand the programs. The nightly talk shows became her favorites, because she could understand them without her sight. Occasionally the audience would break out into laughter for some seemingly unknown reason, but Lilly could usually guess at what had happened. Over time Lilly became quite adept at being able to form a "picture" in her mind based on the dialogue and narration. Tonight, David Letterman interviewed some new pop star.

Lilly stretched her muscles, took a sip from the water glass on the table beside her and felt around for her knitting. Her fingers probed the softness of the wool, sliding her hands along the row of perfectly formed stitches on the bamboo needle. She had to be very careful not to let even a single stitch fall from the needle. It was too late in the evening to have to get her mother over and fix the problem. Otherwise, a "run" would appear in the fabric, much like a pair of worn-out nylons.

Her trained fingers found their correct placement on the needles and time began to float nonchalantly around her. Nothing seemed to matter in her world of natural fibers and bamboo. She inhaled the subtle scents of the worsted weight lamb's wool and marveled at the tap tapping of the needles as they clicked together, creating their own music.

The scarf would be finished soon. She'd already sold this particular piece, so she hoped and prayed it would be finished on time. Thank God for Amy, the boutique owner at the north side of town who displayed her hand knitted items. If it weren't for that added income, she didn't know what she'd do. The disability payments were sufficient, but didn't leave much in the way of extras.

As the fabric began to grow into the usual long rectangle scarf shape, Lilly thought about the day. As promised, Justin had arrived to see the apartment and decided he would move in immediately. He only had a few things in the way of luggage that he had packed in his car.

Lilly thought about the short conversations she'd had with this man. Something about him seemed different. Kind, to be sure, but that wasn't really it. He never treated her like she was broken when he found out she was blind like all her friends had. This was especially true in the early days when she was still in the intensive care unit, in and out of consciousness. No one knew how to handle her except her mother. Lilly didn't know what she would have done without her mother by her side through the most difficult time of her life. That was one special woman, to be sure.

Crackers stood up tall beside her, a slow, gentle whine escaped his mouth.

"Do you need to go potty?" Lilly asked without really needing an answer. The grandfather clock in the short hallway had chimed the midnight hour about five minutes ago. It was time for his nightly trip outside. "You're such an old man, you know that?" She teased the pooch. "So routine and stuck in your ways."

She grabbed onto the harness and allowed him to escort her toward the back door. The night air chilled her to the bone. She'd heard on the radio that this was one of the coldest winters in fifty years. She believed it.

Crackers led her to his potty tree and waited there a few moments while he did his business. She'd trained him only to perform his nature calls on this particular ash tree in the back yard. That way she never had to worry about stepping in the mess. She'd warned her new neighbor about this also.

"Hurry up Boy, I’m getting cold." Lilly shivered. The stillness in the air was soothing, but it

could have been the slow song that drifted through the tundra that calmed her. The melody came from the guesthouse. Lilly felt the gentle tug of Crackers as he led her toward the duplex. She silently obeyed as she imagined Justin inside listening to the local Christian station on the radio.

Lilly wondered if he could see her through the window. She shivered. Now that the thought had come to her mind, she couldn't shake it and suddenly felt the burn of his warm eyes embracing her. She doubted he really spied on her, but she found comfort in the idea of him watching over her, like a guardian angel.