The Princess And The Squee

    Once upon a time, there was a prince, who had a bit of trouble with the ladies. You see, he had a very rare disorder, which left him with the inability to speak all but a single word, “Squee”. One day, the King and Queen decided to take matters into their own hands. They gathered all of the princesses from all across the land, and interviewed them. Upon completing their interview, they realized that none of these young kids today paid any attention to their elders, and probably shouldn‘t be left to their own devices… Deciding not to rely so much on the intellect of the princesses, the King and Queen decided upon another plan. A plan in which they would find a princess who was not only aware of her surroundings, but also to the young prince’s needs.

    They called a Princess over from a neighboring kingdom, and asked her to spend the night. She slept on top of a dozen mattresses, not noticing anything out of the ordinary. The next morning, the King and Queen asked her how she had slept. “Fine,” she responded, and she was banished from the kingdom forever.

    This repeated for weeks, the King and Queen becoming more and more frustrated with each Princess’ failure. The royal parents were about to give up their search for the perfect Princess, when they found one more Princess willing to try for the task.

    As always, the Princess slept upon a dozen mattresses, and as always, the King and Queen asked her how she had slept.

    “It was strange,” the Princess began with a nervous tone, “but it was almost as if there was a tiny man under me screaming in some awful language, ‘SQUEE! SQUEE!’ That is all I heard all night, and could not get any rest!”

    The King and Queen rejoiced, as they had found the perfect princess for their (now limping) son. They had the two wed, but it was a short coupling, as the tiny Squeaming man would always resent the princess for sleeping on top of him.

    The moral of the story is: Always keep the best in mind for your children, and doing them physical harm is usually a “no”.