I just want to be Happy..

I was sitting in an easy chair in our bedroom, trying in vain to read a fiction. I had a lot of thoughts scattered in
my mind. My state of mind then could have been described as being somewhere between depressed,
disturbed, distressed, frustrated,and furious.To be precise, I was really upset .
Nothing seemed right to me in that moment – my workplace had become a bit of a nuisance lately,
I had a huge row with my best friend and we hadn’t talked for a whole week. My married life which seemed
all so dazzling, was infact just okay. We were trying to make things better. Actually, I was trying really hard to
work things out and feel the way I always want to feel .
I tried to feel happy but that was what killed me –“ try to be happy?” I certainly didn’t want that in my life.
I did not want to try to be happy, I wanted to be happy, just like that.
After trying for some 30 minutes (which seemed like ages to me then) of focusing on the silly murder mystery,
I decided to give up. I decided that I needed some fresh air; I stood up and took slow, heavy steps towards
the balcony.
As I stood on the balcony, I realized that it was the most magnificent evening.The atmosphere was just awesome.
It was this time after a lovely shower. The lawn, trees, birds, even the roads, and cars looked fresh and clean .
There was this most amazing fragrance in the air. Cool breeze gently caressed my face. I took a few deep breaths,
and it felt like I inhaled freshness and joy with every incoming breath. I suddenly realized that I had a big smile on
my face. I said to myself- “ O my God, this is it. This is what I have always wanted. I am happy without a
solid reason. I am just happy, happy without trying to feel so…. This is it…Thank you God!”
It was still drizzling. I grabbed my umbrella and went for a walk. Only this time,my walk was so much
fun – cheerful and light.