Keeping It In the Family

Keeping It In the Family………

I took you, for better or worse,
And now, with irony that’s truly perverse,
I find out you’ve been sleeping with Dad,
And although that’s really quite bad,
It’s not quite as shocking as the reverse,
Mom, using the guise of getting her purse,
Crawled into bed with you and made you pant,
And, when I walked in, I started to rant,
If my family members you want for sex,
Maybe you’d like old Uncle Alex?
The one without teeth who walks with a cane,
Uses rope as a belt, and mumbles inane
Phrases that mean nothing and everything at the same time.
But still, better than him, would be Aunt Valentine.
The dear sweet old lady with Bozo-orange hair?
The one we carefully keep far from the stairs?
She insists upon wearing bras outside her blouses,
And, at every meal, she faithfully douses
Her plate and its contents with orange juice and nuts
Is she one after whom you could lust?
Or maybe my brother would be the best choice,
Thick, curly black hair and a low, husky voice,
A charming disposition that’s so sickly sweet,
So what if he has twelve toes on his feet?
Or perhaps you’d prefer my sister, Irene,
The one who constantly, compulsively cleans
The rocks in the yard and the twigs in the woods,
Constantly lamenting, if she only could
She’d sail to the moon sitting high on a kite,
Look back down to earth and violently smite,
Anyone who dared to question your pick
Of bed partners, no matter how sick.
And now it’s my turn to voice my selections,
From your relatives, despite your objections.
Oh wait!  What’s that?  We just nominate?
And then the audience decides our fate?
Oh well, we can just speculate,
But I’ll still be wishing they choose your Aunt Kate.

309 words 38 lines