Chapter 17

My First Diary

Ludia Webster 's the name. My Daddy and Mommy are Lucifier and Cydia Webster. I've many brothers and sisters. Some of them are over a hundred years old. I've a sister and a brother who live with me. Tullion's my brother, and Judia's my sister. Tullion's 18, and Judia's 16. I've two half-sisters too. Mommy says they don't count because their momma lives out in the woods. Mommy says her name's Marion, but I've heard her call this woman vamp hoe when she's alone with Daddy. My two half-sisters live out there in the woods too. Their names are Rofia and Carion. Mommy calls them heifers, but I've never heard them moo before. She doesn't call them this in front of Daddy. Nor has she ever said that she would love to boil Marion, Rofia, and Carion in oil and feed them to Grandma Marigold (Daddy's Momma) in Roseville. She doesn't like her either and often mummers under her breath that she hates having a mother-in-law.

Daddy and Mommy are the bosses of the town I live in. I live in Deacon, Mississippi. Daddy throws lawbreakers in jail because he's the sherriff. Mommy makes up the laws because she's the mayor.

I've lots of friends. Maddie Hart's my bestest friend. She's a witch. Her momma and my mommy are bestest friends. They go shopping all the time in the Earth Realm for beautiful clothes. Mommy says the Harts know their place. Jackie Grayson's another good pal of mine. She's a ghoul. Kathy March's a part of the gang too. She's a vampire. Susie St. Ives hangs out with us too, but we don't like having a smelly zombie around. Daddy and Mommy says I have to be nice to her because her uncle's Dr. Philip St. Ives. I'd rather throw Susie in a garbage can!

Dentention's almost over. My teacher, Miss Octavia Faerigodmother, put me here because I showed my horns and tail and spit fire out at Jessie Gray. She's a new kid and a werewolf. Miss Laveil Gray adopted her. Mommy says Miss Gray's a werewolf trash human lover!

I'll write again later!

Ludia

Age 7

2nd entry

Dear diary,

I'm back in detention again. At least I'm with Maddie, Kathy, and Jackie today. They threw eggs at Carrithen Lewis, a phantom. I put the cherry on top by smashing eggs right on top of her head. Mommy says most of the phantoms are becoming human lovers too, except for Fred Lewis, a deputy of Daddy's.

I can't wait until Halloween. The Deacon Festival will be held, and I'll have all kinds of fun! I'll get to see all of my family including my nieces, nephews, and cousins. Mommy says I'll also be meeting someone special this year. She won't say who, but she's so excited.

I love Halloween because the fog around the town will be lifted for 24 hours, and stupid humans from all over get to come through. I love scaring them! Too bad, we've got to let them go on Halloween and put a spell on them, so they forget everything they've witnessed.

I've got to do something about Susie. She's dragging the group down. She wouldn't throw eggs at Carrithen and told on the gang too. Susie's too much of a goody two shoes! I can't stand that rotten, ugly smelly zombie. Mommy says that her aunt Marianna has been acting weird lately. She thinks Marianna's becoming a human lover. Marianna and Mommy had been best friends, but not so much lately. Miss Marianna took in a human female and a baby. That's so gross! Humans smell worse than zombies. I've heard Mommy and Daddy talk at night saying that zombie men are attracted to female humans, whatever that means, and that's what brought the human female into the house, but Miss Marianna stopped anything from happening to the female and her baby.

I've done my time in detention for today. Mommy's at the door to take me and my friends home. Daddy and Mommy say they're so proud of me for keeping trashy human loving kids in their place. My teacher says I'm being too much like the Devil's spawn. I'm just being myself, the great Lucifer's little girl!

I'll write again later.

Ludia

3rd entry

Dear diary,

Halloween was so much fun and full of excitement! I loved throwing pumpkins at dumb humans. I smashed one big old pumpkin over a woman's head. Mommy healed her, but said I did a good job because I cracked the lady's skull in three places.

Kathy, Maddie, Jackie, and I feathered and tared a little boy who had red hair and freckles. Daddy said he looked like someone named Howdy Doodie. Daddy made sure the boy didn't lose his skin and hair from our fun. Daddy said I made him proud!

Believe it or not, some of Deacon's citizens give the humans candy and other treats. They're nice to humans, especially those nasty human children. A lot of phantoms and werewolves throw parties for them. I don't get it. Mommy says we must be patient with those who are ignorant on how to act and to keep showing by example. My Daddy and Mommy are great examples of people who know how to keep nasty humans in their place.

I met my Aunt Mabon yesterday. She's my mommy's sister. Mommy was kicked out of her familes' castle in the Faerie Realm when she was 16 for falling in love with Daddy. Aunt Mabon had been Queen of the Unseelie Court in the Faerie Realm. She also brought a man with her. The surprising thing was he was a human. Not anymore though. He and Aunt Mabon became werewolves after Daddy married them last night. Now I have an uncle. His name's Dylan Walsh. Daddy gave them the Deacon Inn as their wedding present. They brought a vampire faerie with them too. Her name's Marta. She's Kathy's new nanny.

Susie's no longer in our group. I told her to kiss my white shiny hinnie! However, this landed me in detention today. I don't understand what I did wrong! I guess the note that said "Kick my white shiny hinnie!" that I taped on her butt wasn't appreciated by everyone. I thought it was cute!

Maybe Miss Faeriegodmother will stop sending me to detention one day, probably not because Mommy and Daddy captured her, Miss Anaie (she used to be a princess), the nursery/preschool teacher, and Miss Anaie's baby and brought them here to be slaves. Mommy told me to tell her if Miss Faeriegodmother ever tries to spank me that she would make her feel sorry!

I've done my time for today!

Ludia