Six: At the Bottom

The morning after is never an easy one. Especially for Stella, as she made her way down the stairs into the kitchen not knowing who she was about to face. The house has been still for hours while Stella lay wide awake in bed, curious to who she would run into. To her surprise it was only Lucy. Stella had seen her for only minutes the night before and marveled at how tiny she’d become in the past year. It was almost frightening how thin her legs were, standing there in a pair of black tights, covered by nothing more than a Fresh Prince of Bel Air t-shirt. The bones in her knees and ankles were sickeningly visible. The medium sized t-shirt she was wearing hung off her, draping over her body like a huge sheet. She was the smallest girl Stella had ever seen cooking eggs before.

“You look healthy, Stella,” Lucy told her with a smile. The eye make-up Lucy had slept in was smudged all over her face, but her lipstick was still perfect. Stella took a seat at the two person table in the corner and looked her little friend over. It was a sad sight, but she couldn’t anything. She’d been gone too long to be privileged enough to make a judgment call. Parker had reminded her of that the night before. The entire morning, even before things went quiet downstairs, Stella tossed and turned, trying to figure out how to make things better. What she had done was wrong, but that’s why she was back, why she was trying to make things better. Maybe Parker was right.

“I gained fifteen pounds, I think,” Stella laughed.

“You don’t know?” Lucy asked, looking concerned. She put the eggs onto a plate and handed them to Stella. They were egg whites only, with peppers and onions. Nothing else. Not even cheese. Stella wanted to ask if the fridge was empty. She really wanted some cheese. Lucy handed her a fork and grinned down at her.

“No, I don’t really keep track,” Stella said while cutting the eggs with the edge of her fork. She expected Lucy to make eggs for her self, but she never did. Instead she took a bottle of water from the full fridge and sat down, facing Stella.

“You’re not going to eat?” Stella asked with raised eye brows. The eggs fell off the fork before she could get them to her mouth.

“Already did,” Lucy told her with a small nod.

“Oh okay. So, where is everyone?” Stella asked. The clock on the wall read two in the afternoon. It wasn’t like anyone to be out of the house on New Years eve, but by the silence it made her believe it was just the two of them there.

“Charlie never came home. Parker’s up stairs with some girl. They came down for a wee bit, but just for water, tylenol and back to bed they went.” Lucy drank almost the entire bottle of water in several long gulps before setting it down on the table like it was no big deal. Stella tried not to stare, but it was hard not to.

“Does Parker do that a lot?” Stella asked. She filled her mouth with more eggs and wondered where the closest McDonald’s was. She would definitely need to eat more after breakfast. There was no way two egg whites were going to be filling enough to hold her over for even a few hours.

“He brings a lot of ladies here. They’re never very pleasant either. Most of them won’t even stay to have breakfast with us,” Lucy pointed out. It had been so long that Stella almost forgot how prestigious Lucy’s accent made her seem. There was an air of regality about her, not only when she spoke, but at all times. Stella couldn’t help but wonder if her mother’s fame and money had anything to do with it. It was something she’d never say out loud though. The mention of Lucy’s mother often brought out the worst in her friend. Stella would avoid such a conversation at all costs.

“You stay here a lot then? Don’t you have your own apartment?” Stella asked.

The eggs were too easily consumed. Her plate was empty and her stomach grumbled for more. But Stella didn’t know the rules of food in the house. She didn’t know the rules at all and there was no one to tell her.

“It’s far too lonely over there,” Lucy admitted, “I’m usually here on the weekends unless I have to study or do homework. Sometimes I bring my studies over here if the boys are working on their work too. I like it here.”

“Oh, maybe you should have moved in here instead of me,” Stella said, suddenly feeling guilty that she might have taken Lucy’s place. Lucy was so lonely that it was obvious in the way she blushed at Stella’s comment. She shook her head and said, “My mother wouldn’t like that much. Also, this place can be exhausting. Too much testosterone.”

“I hardly believe Charlie produces much testosterone,” Stella laughed. Lucy did as well. They sat there in silence for a long moment.

“I know why you came back last night,” Lucy said.

“Yeah. Let’s not start with that yet, okay?” Stella told her, “maybe never would be better.”

“Why don’t you ever want to talk about it?” Lucy asked her. She grabbed Stella’s plate and stood, “Even through emails you would never tell me. You can talk about it, you know. I won’t judge you.” Lucy began to wash the dish to avoid eye contact with Stella.

That was exactly why Stella didn’t want to talk about it. No one could meet her eye when she brought up the subject. No one could avoid changing the subject when she mentioned his name. No one every knew what to say, so she made it easier for them. She said nothing at all.

“It’s okay, Lucy. I don’t need to talk about it. I’m going to visit him today,” she told her, also getting to her feet.

“Today?” Lucy asked. Her blue eyes turned to stare at Stella. They were wide and scared. Stella stared straight back at them until they faltered and turned away.

“I’ve been avoiding it for almost a year. I think it’s time to deal and putting it off is only going to make it worse. Plus I’d really like to see his mother. I want to apologize, you know?” Stella felt a lump rise in her throat. Just saying those words out loud were more difficult than she thought they would have been. But it had been almost a year since she’d verbally expressed anything about the situation.

“Are you sure that’s a wise decision?” Lucy asked.

“Why are you asking such questions?” Stella shook her head and went on, “Of course it is. His family deserves that much from me.” Stella stretched a little and decided to go up stairs and get ready. If she had to trek all the way across town she would want to do it while there was still day light left.

“I’m sorry,” Lucy said, “I don’t know why I said those things.”

“It’s okay, Luc. I know how it is. This is all going to take some getting used to. And I want to say that I’m glad that with the distance we were able to become closer. That’s really cool. I didn’t know that was possible. It didn’t work out with me and Charlie, clearly.” Stella tried to smile, to hide how completely lost she felt. When she realized that was a lost cause, she turned toward the stairs and headed up them.

“I have to get ready. I’ll see you soon, Lucy,” Stella called down as she walked up.

“Stella, I’m glad you’re home,” Lucy told her. When Stella smiled this time she met it. She nodded at Lucy and continued on her way to her room. Stella was glad someone was there, because she knew she most definitely wasn’t.

*****

Parker rolled over and swung his legs out of bed. Tasha lay beside him, breathing loudly, finally sound asleep. She had tried to spend the night deep in conversation, most of which he dreamt through. His body had been completely exhausted and even after a few hours of sleep that hadn’t changed. His back hurt. His neck pinched. His sinuses ached. But he pushed him self off the bed and left the room in only his boxers. Stella was coming up the stairs when he stepped into the hallway. He was sure he caught a glimpse of her staring at the bulge in his boxers, but she covered it well with the rolling of her eyes.

“Good morning, sunshine,” he said in his most mocking tone, hoping she would feel the slightest bit self conscious about her unkept morning appearance. Her bangs were so longer straight across her forehead but stuck in all directions. Her eyes looked heavy and still slightly blood shot, but he couldn’t remember if he’d seen her drinking at all. What he did remember was the entire shot of whiskey he was going to be cleaning off the floor at some point that day.

“Hey,” she grumbled as she walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind her. Parker was surprised when he didn’t hear the door lock shut. With a smirk he headed down the stairs, knowing all too well she was staring at his cock through is boxers, imagining if they weren’t there. But his amusing thoughts were interrupted by the site of Lucy cleaning up the kitchen.

The keg had been removed. The cups were all gone and the counter top had been washed down. Two garbage bags were full and tied off next to the back door. All the dishes were put away and the floors were cleaned, almost as if they’d been moped. The kitchen was cleaner than it had been before the party.

“Loose, did you do this?” Parker asked headed towards the door to the living room. She moved in front of him, as if her little body couldn’t actually stop him. She put both hands on his chest and said, “Don’t be mad at me, okay? Promise.” He held her hands in his own and said, “Girl, tell me you didn’t clean up the entire house.”

“You were all sleeping. I didn’t want to wake you and I had nothing to do,” Lucy told him, pleading her case. She tried to push him away from the door, but even with all her force she was no match even without his resistance. Parker wrapped a bare arm around her shoulders and led the both into the living and dining room. It was completely clean. Another garbage bag was sitting near the front door. A bucket full of filthy water had been pushed against the wall. When Lucy noticed his eyes were on the bucket she explained, “I couldn’t lift it. I was wearing for you to wake up to move it.”

“You’re a good person, Lucy,” Parker said, turning to kiss her on the forehead. She let her weight fall against his strong, milk chocolate body and rested her head against his chest.

“Let’s go find a little diner that’s still open today. Breakfast is on me,” he told her. She pulled away from him and explained, “I already ate. With Stella. I’m sorry.”

“No worries. Another time then. You’ll drink for free tomorrow night, how about that?” Parker winked. Lucy nodded and grinned up at him. They stood there for a moment. Lucy was completely content and Parker was wondering what he was going to do about Tasha, who was still in his bed.

At least that’s what he though until someone cleared their throat in the stair case just beside the fire place. With his free hand, Parker gave a casual wave to Tasha while holding Lucy against his body, despite her attempt to move away.

“What are you doing, Parker?” Tasha asked.

“Admiring Lucy’s perfect cleaning job. Everything I could want in a woman,” he said with a chuckle. Tasha glared at Lucy. Lucy let her eyes fall to the floor.

Parker kissed Lucy’s head again and went on, “I owe you, baby-girl.”

Lucy went red in embarrassment. Tasha went red in anger. She headed back up the stairs and slammed Parker’s bedroom door. Parker laughed to himself and said, “Probably made a mistake by letting her stay last night.”

“Maybe you should have thought about that before,” Lucy reminded him. He put his cheek her to head and said, “I know you’re right, Loose. You sure you don’t want breakfast? I have to head out and see my parents at some point. You don’t want something to eat?”

“I ate already, Parker,” Lucy said with a frustrated voice, “But if you want me to stay until Tasha leaves I can do that. I want to work on a sketch while I was here anyhow, if that’s okay with you.”

“You know you’re always welcome here,” Parker said, finally letting her go. He stretched. All his stomach muscles were visible when he moved. Lucy admired his back and shoulder muscles too. She’d never seen a more perfect body on such a flawed man. She smirked to herself and said, “I’ll get to it then. I had fun last night, Parker.”

“Me too. But did Charlie come home last night?” Parker asked.

Lucy’s face fell as she shook her head, no. Parker rolled his eyes to the ceiling, as if in deep thought, but then stomped up the stairs. Lucy felt guilty that everyone else was so worried about Charlie and where he might be, while she just figured he would come back on his own terms.

Trying to avoid those things, Lucy sat in the living room with her sketch book on her lap and her feet on the coffee table that still felt cold from being left outside over night. The couch, which she had dragged on her own in from the shed out back, smelled of marijuana and car oil. They reminded her smoking up in the shed with Mia and Parker during summer while Charlie was out west visiting Stella. It was a pleasant smell, but she made a mental note to Febreeze the couch before she left, after she finished up the sketch she was supposed to be putting into Maurie's art show at the end of the month. But it was hard to focus.

First Stella came down the stairs looking melancholy and hiding it pretty well. For someone dressed in all black she looked extremely beautiful. She was clad in black Silver jeans and an Operation Ivy shirt. The black leather jacket she wore was worn, but extremely fashionable. It occurred to Lucy that Stella had no idea and really didn't care about how she looked. Stella asked her to hang around until she got back, so they could chat and catch up. Lucy made no promises by said she would see her later.

Next was Parker, taking the steps two at a time. He pulled on his shoes in a hurry and winked at Lucy while pulling on a black beenie over his still damp hair. She turned back to face the fireplace and he reached over the back of the sofa to kiss her forehead.

"Be good, Lucy. There's a fridge full of food if you want it," he told her and left without a goodbye.

Only moments after the door clicked shut, Tasha stormed down the stairs in her dress from the night before. Lucy didn't look up when she heard her, but Tasha decided to make herself known.

"You're Lucy, right?" Tasha said, moving right into Lucy's eye line, blocking the warm view of the fire place.

"That's right," Lucy responded as sweetly as possible, but followed up with, "But I don't know you."

Tasha's face went from smug to hurt. Lucy maintained a straight expression and continued on with her sketch. With her pinky finger, Lucy smudged the lead just under the chin of her subject. This lack of interest frustrated Tasha, who shifted her weight back and fourth and cleared her throat.

"I'm sure Parker's told you about me. I'm Tasha. We've been seeing each other for almost a month now." The girl's voice was shaking. If she began to cry Lucy wouldn't be able to keep up the straight face.

"Doesn't ring a bell. But I will tell him you said goodbye. Should I tell him to call you?" Lucy was bored of the conversation. She had sketches to do and this one was starting to frustrate her. The shading just wasn't right.

Tasha said nothing more. She pulled her dress up by the breast and went to the hallway closet to get her coat. There was a sound of a coat being zipped and then the door open and shut. The house went silent. Lucy get up from the couch and moved over to the stereo. There was a mix of classical music in a clear case beside the speakers. She put it into the CD tray and pressed play. The powerful sound of Bach filled the entire house. The music was as loud as it had been the night before, but Lucy didn't turn it down. Instead she sat down right in the middle of the couch and flipped to a new page. She felt liberated by the music, inspired and fresh. The feeling might have continued if Charlie hadn't thrown himself on to the couch and let his head fall into her lap.

His eyes were still blood shot. There was an stench of wet denim, alcohol and cigarettes. His once perfect curls were tangled and sticking up in various directions. There were bruises on his hands and arms that Lucy wouldn’t have noticed if the sleeves of his dress shirt hadn’t been rolled up because it was damp. She didn’t even want to know why he was soaking wet. She didn’t even want to know why he was laying on her or if he was still drunk. Lucy slipped herself away from him and pulled her legs up against her chest, sitting on the very far corner of the couch.

“Is she going to hate me forever?” Charlie asked. His words were slurred. It was nearly three in the afternoon and he was still wasted. There was no doubt about it. His body was trembling as he lay there on the leather couch, probably ruining it with his damp clothes.

“Who, Charlie?” Lucy asked. She knew the answer. She rolled her eyes.

“Stella’s going to hate me forever. I don’t know why I did it. I lost my phone. I couldn’t call her.”

“Then why didn’t you just show up when you said you were going to?” Lucy asked glancing down at her sketch book. Charlie’s arm had smudged and moistened her drawing. She slammed the cover shut and threw the book onto the coffee table.

“I drank too much. I just couldn’t stop and I missed her a lot. And she’s going to know.” Charlie’s sentences were mumbled by his sobs. There were no tears, but Lucy figured it was from hours of crying over the course of the night. He buried his face into the couch and spoke words that were inaudible.

“What are you saying?” Lucy said with a yawn.

Charlie sat up with a start. He turned and sat cross-legged, facing Lucy. One hand grabbed her wrist and brought it to his lap.
“I do bad things and she’s going to take one look at me and know,” Charlie said with wide eyes.

“You’re wasted,” Lucy said, “And being very day-time soap about this. Why don’t you go sleep and when Stella gets back you two can talk?”
Charlie went from scared to sad in a second. His eyes became half closed. His grip on her wrist loosened. His shoulders slumped forward and he said, “Where is she?”

“Where do you think she is? You should have been there with her,” Lucy said. She pulled her arm from Charlie’s grip and stood up. Charlie stared at the spot Lucy had been sitting while she gathered her things into her bag. As if she had something better to do, Lucy pulled her coat on and said, “I’m heading home, Charlie. Tell Stella I will talk to her later. You too, I guess. Tomorrow night, the Social?”

She left without an answer from Charlie. He stared at her spot on the couch, realizing how bad he’d fucked up yet again. The idea of Stella coming home to find him like that was frightening. Just in case she returned, he grabbed some clothes from his room and left as sudden as he arrived. No one would know he’d been there except Lucy. She wasn’t likely to tell and Charlie would just deny it later anyhow.

He had no idea where to go. He had no idea what the right thing to do was.