The Carrier: New App Chapter II

CHAPTER II

         …what surprised her was her sudden guilt over her complete and total lack of self-control. Punishing the produce? Teasing the weirdo Delivery Guy? Where in the world had this bravado come from?
         …what surprised her more was how fast she had gone back on her word, her solemn pledge never to mess with the little plastic pendant again- she gave in the instant that temptation reared its ugly reptilian dragon head. She should be ashamed!
         …but what surprised her most was the complete lack of a response from the device upon her utterance of the known command word. In other words…
Nothing happened.

         At first, Sandy figured she’d somehow missed the triggering point on her yPhone screen, so she put her finger right in the center of its touch-screen belly and repeated, “Outside!” It repeated the same results as her last failed experiment. Nothing.
         Then she figured maybe she hadn’t said it loud enough. She put the cell up to her ear and hollered, “Outside!” To no avail.
         A look of panic began to fall across her face, “Outside! OUTSIDE, DAMNIT!” she wailed, her heart jumping up into her throat.
         ‘Holy crap, I’m stuck like this!!’ she thought, the panic in her eyes intensifying, ‘AGAIN!’ She tried tapping her yPhone against the metal shelves of the walk-in. Nothing.

         Ten years ago, the plastic pendant had come with a manual. Ten years ago, she had accidentally transported said little book into her belly before she could learn what word let stuff out of her. When she’d sent Julia in after it, she had been plagued with a language crisis- the page with the proper instructions hadn’t been printed in English. It took another human passenger and a near-disastrous encounter with a policewoman to finally get the right word to make it work.
         “OUTSIDE! OUTSIDE! C’mon, you gotta work!” she screamed at her phone.

         She tried stabbing at the screen with her finger. All that did was make the little monster spin in random directions. Until, that is, she touched the little triangle-shaped tail dangling like an underused, misaligned appendage. Instantly, a list of words popped up. Only problem was, they weren’t in English. The irony wasn’t lost on her when she realized, finally, that ‘Dracheballonbauch’ was German, the same language that had baffled her so many years before. However, and lucky for her, a few of the words did seem familiar: Menü, Optionen, Exit. She stabbed her finger at the ‘Optionen’ option. Why not? It couldn’t do any more harm, could it?

         It was just what she was hoping for- a list of languages. In list form, no less- not a broken ‘flag-menu’ like before. She found ‘Englisher’, and quickly pressed it. The screen went dark for a few seconds, causing her to hold her breath. It was rebooting!
         Now the screen said, “WELCOME TO THE” followed, in reddish-orange lettering, “DRAGON BALLOON BELLY”. The button at the bottom suggested, “Start?”
         She pressed the green button right away, then lifted up her cell and kissed it. The little dragon seemed to roll right into her kiss. She rubbed her overstuffed belly with one hand, pressed on the little critter displayed on the screen with the other, and was about to repeat the word, when she got lost in her own thoughts.

         Years ago when she had first gotten the little dragon monster and she had accidentally transported the instruction manual into her belly, her friend Julia had arrived and volunteered to go in after it. Only thing was, as it turned out, the page with the command word was missing in English- and Julia didn’t speak German. Or any other language, for that matter- she often proudly dubbed herself ‘unilingual’ (as opposed to monolingual, indicating a partial lack of understanding of even the English language).
         In fact, it was this little dilemma that had started the whole little whirlwind adventure. The two of them had gone looking for Julia’s boyfriend, Kevin Joseph Miller, who could speak fluently in German. And geek. And now, ten years later, three other languages as well.
         And yes, it was Kevin ‘Joseph’ Miller. First middle and last. When Kevin had first come to town (back in second grade), he had told everyone he was called ‘Joe’ because he thought it sounded cooler than ‘Kevin’.          Problem was, there were already five people named ‘Joe’ in their classroom- three boys and two girls. Looking at the official roll, their teacher had blurted out his actual first name, and his chance at being a ‘cool kid’ evaporated just like that. Julia and Sandy sometimes called him Joe anyway, to tease him.
         So they had gone searching for Kevin, and when they found him, they forced him to translate (via girlfriend torture) the command word. ‘Outside’ was simple enough to remember- she remembered it even ten years later.

         Sandy smiled as Julia once again crossed her mind. She would absolutely have to call her later tonight. “After,” she said aloud, suddenly remembering her current condition, “I take care of business. Outside!”
         There was a lurching sensation as the ball-shaped force field in her gut simultaneously expanded and contracted in the blink of an eye. Just as the fabric of her clothes began to realize they couldn’t possibly stretch this far, they contracted just as much- as if it had never happened in the first place. The space where the balloon-belly had pushed hard against her diaphragm was suddenly left void, causing Sandy to involuntarily inhale sharply in a sound best described as a loud belch. It was actually moderately painful, though the endorphin rush that followed would make her remember it as quite pleasurable.
         The lurching sensation was immediately coupled with the reality that a pile boxes nearly six feet wide and three feet tall was suddenly compressed into a room full of shelves, Sandy, and cold. In other words, Sandy was suddenly pushed against the door by the load as it expanded in the wink of an eye to fill the room before her.          Likewise, the shelves were tossed about; one of them curled inward as if it were made of wet spaghetti to make room for the boxes. It was very loud, and very painful.
         And very telling. Sandy had imagined what would happen if she had used the old pendant in a room smaller than those people inside her, though in her mind there was an explosion as well. The very thought made her shiver- this was exactly the kind of dangerous thing she had been worried about, and why she had destroyed the original in the first place.
         Well, not the original original- Julia had had that in her belly. What Sandy had destroyed was the $1200 second dragon she had been forced to buy. However, Julia had shown her that the original’s circuits had fried after being drenched in milk (which is a long story) and was as good as destroyed anyway.

         She stumbled out of the walk-in, stopped for a moment to catch her breath, pulled up her pants, and rubbed her shins- she’d been shoved against the door by boxes of cheese and would probably bruise something fierce. When she looked up, however (and much to her surprise), she found her tardy employee Hunter staring at her from across the room. When he saw that she had seen him, he took in a quick breath as if to plead with her.
But before he could say anything, she remarked, “You’re fired.”
         He exhaled just as quickly as he’d inhaled, his shoulders deflating like a pathetic balloon.
         ‘Like my belly-balloon,’ she thought, which caused her to draw in a quick breath herself. ‘Don’t fly off the handle, Sandy- somebody’s still gotta fix the walk-in.’
         She let out her breath with a sigh. “Scratch that- not fired. Get in there and straighten up in there- I can’t do this all by myself! And go get the rubber mallet- you’re going to need it.”
         The young adult was exhilarated, “Thank you, Sandy! Oh, thank you so much!”
         Sandy was already storming to the front of the restaurant as she remarked, “Whatever.”

         Floyd the Shift Manager arrived a few minutes later, and Sandy wasted no time clocking out- her mind was about as far from work as it had ever been in the last decade. She wanted to know all there was to know about the Dragon Balloon Belly- it was time for Google-fu.
         Like: where it had come from in the first place? Like: how it was that she now had it as an App on her cell phone? Like: what it was capable of doing these days? Like: how do I kill it?
“I need to call Julia,” she said aloud as she fired up her ‘87 Suzuki Samurai and pulled out. Stopping only briefly to open her contact list on her yPhone, she pulled out of the parking lot and hit the road even as the phone was dialing.
         She nearly decided to hang up after the seventh ring, partially because the machine was about to pick up, partially because she was having trouble steering. Just as she pulled into freeway traffic, Julia picked up.
         There was the sound of a crying baby in the background, and a somewhat frazzled Julia responded, “Sandy, I’ll call you back in a few minutes, okay?” Before Sandy could even reply, the conversation ended. Three seconds of connection. At least a full minute wasted on her phone plan.
“          Sure, Julz. I’ll be home in a few minutes,anyway.” She finished, annoyed. And a few minutes later, as predicted, she took the off-ramp, down a block then over two, and rounded onto the street she lived on; her phone rang.

         She picked up expecting to greet her friend when, “Heya Sandy! Long time no speaky, right?” came the chipper sound of Julia right over the top of her expected greeting. “Sorry I had to hang up back there…”
         Having missed her cue to say hello, Sandy stammered, “He- hello- hey, no problem, Julz. Taking care of the munchkin I take it?” As Sandy pulled into her apartment complex parking lot, she hit the ‘Loudspeaker’ function on her phone so she wouldn’t have to hold it up to her ear.
         “Nah, taking care of baby’s daddy,” came her deliciously wicked reply, “Baby is down for a nap. Joe is up for some play.”
         This proclamation nearly caused Sandy to hit her neighbor’s car as she wheeled into her spot, “Jeez Julia, I’m driving here! Gross!”
         The other side of the phone laughed. “Just joshing you- I know how much you love to hear about my love life. Speaking of which, how’s yours?”
         The speed at which Julia could throw her off-topic was mind-blowing, “Uh, non-existent. Yours?” ‘Wait a minute, this isn’t where I was going!’ she thought.
         “Thought you’d never ask,” Julia laughed, “we’ve been busy.”
         “I’ll say! You two have been like rabbits. Half dozen kids, right?” Sandy sighed against the chit-chat as she got out of her car. She had something important to say, damnit!
         “Cassy, Joey, Eli, Ana, Vikki, and Liv- yup.” Then followed a long pause, which Sandy didn’t hear as she was looking for her house key. “We need to get you a man,” Julia finally said.
         As Sandy fumbled through her key-ring to get her house key, she nearly stepped on her cat Scrunch. She shook her head and said, “I’m not having kids just so your rugrats will have someone to play with.”
         Julia snorted, “I’m just sayin’… you need a fella.”
         “And I’m just sayin’… don’t bother. I’m not a baby-making sexaholic like you.” As she said this, she tossed her keys on her table, glanced at the flashing ‘two’ on her answering machine, then flopped down on the couch. Scrunch, her Scottish Fold/Manx-mix cat hopped up after her, then curled onto her lap. She rested her arm lazily on the arm of the couch, her yPhone still on loudspeaker.

         It took nearly twenty more minutes of chit-chat, catching up on old times, before Sandy couldn’t hold it back any longer. “Julia, I gotta ask you something,” Sandy exclaimed, picking up her yPhone and speaking down into it. The tone of her voice let Julia know Sandy meant business.
         “What’s up?” came a hesitant, alarmed reply.
         “Well, nothing really. I just… Julia, do you remember the dragon pendant?” Sandy asked pointedly, as she pushed the little dragon head App on her phone. It popped right up, skipping the intro screen- probably a feature for just such an occasion.
         Her reply was almost too quick, “Yeah, of course. What was it, eleven years ago?”
         Sandy frowned at her phone, “Ten, same age as Cassie. You remember why I broke it, right?”
         Julia laughed, “’Cuz of Cassima. ‘Cuz of that cop. Ooh, and that woman with the gun. ‘Cuz it was too dangerous.”
         Sandy grunted, “It was never meant for us, Julia. It was a tool used by drug smugglers and… and terrorists! And it messed with the laws of physics!”
         Sandy could only imagine what Julia’s reaction looked like, as there came a long, drawn-out sigh. Then a deep inhale, a long pause, and another one. Finally, Julia said, “Sandy, what’s going on? What’s wrong? What’s this about?”

         The irksome feeling of frustration rose up in Sandy. Her anger wasn’t meant to be directed at Julia, but came across a bit harsh anyway, “Julia, I got this weird application for my phone today.” As she spoke, she pressed on the little virtual dragon effigy, causing it to spin to its backside before she stopped it. It was weird; she could almost feel the ridges on its back.
         “Oh, you got a yPhone too?” Julia responded in an unwitting attempt to derail the conversation once more, “Kevin got me one right after they came out- I love the Price-Checker app.”
         “What? No… yeah, a yPhone.” Sandy grumbled, her voice rising a bit. “Listen, this is a really messed up app.”
         “So it’s glitchy? I got a recipe book on mine just the other day, that you can tell it the number of people eating and it scales the directions up or down by portion. Only thing is, it can’t tell the difference between the ‘grams’ G and the ‘gallons’ G. That kind of glitch?” Julia truly had no clue.
         Sandy growled, “Damnit Julia, listen! It’s the Dragon Pendant thingy! It came to me this morning after a weird frigging old man called me. Seriously, I’m freaking out.”
         Julia sounded confused, “I don’t get it.”

         Sandy was practically yelling at this point, “Fuck! I’m talking about The Dragon Balloon Belly!” She took in a deep breath, trying to relax, but it only fueled her fire, “So this old oriental guy calls me this morning; and I can barely understand him. He confuses me, tricks me, and force-starts this stupid frigging little App to download. It took all morning to download, and made a nasty noise, too. I couldn’t shut it off, ‘cuz it said it would mess up my phone if I did; I had to put it in the fridge to shut the noise out. That kind of shit shouldn’t be allowed-”
         This time Julia was listening and she chimed in, “It’s not allowed. Not even possible, I think. They can’t force a download; businesses can’t, I mean. There’s gotta be safeguards in the phone against it.”
         Sandy countered, “Well, this guy did somehow. Anyway, it finishes downloading and-“
         The other pressed, “No, I mean he literally can’t do it. Kevin and I were just talking about this very kind of thing the other day- the yPhone was designed to keep viral apps out. It won’t download stuff that doesn’t have express permission…”
         The first hissed, “Will you shut up and listen?! I don’t know how, maybe there’s a backdoor- the yPhone is made in China, right?”
         Now Julia was getting angry, too. “Sandy, there are one point three billion people in China. You think they all know how to program your phone?”
         Ashamed, Sandy took in another calming breath, “No. No, I’m sorry- this has just got me really frazzled, alright?”
         The smile behind her voice was audible, “Apology accepted. So, this app…?”
         “Anyway Julz, I open this thing up and it’s in German, Julz! And I have no idea what it is so I push the green button and WHAM! Dragon frigging Balloon Belly floating on my frigging screen!”
         “Okay, what? A picture of it on your screen?” came Julia’s reply.
         The first took in a deep breath, trying to keep her center, “No, a perfect, and I mean perfect 3D Dragon Balloon Belly.” As she spoke, she spun the little effigy on the screen again. She noticed that, over time, it slowed down, probably to a stop on its own if she’d let it. She stopped it with her finger.

         Julia was trying to process all this, “Okay, so this guy sends you a virtual pendant? Who sent it to you, and why?”
         “I think it might have been the same guy, you know, from before. When you and Cassie were trapped, and I used my dad’s credit card…”
         “Yeah I get that. When you bought the other transport kit, right? The guy on the phone was the same guy as then?”
         Now Sandy was excited, “…The Dragon Balloon Belly and Transport Kit, right. It reminded me of him a lot…”

         Except that after she said the word ‘Transport’, her phone made a rather remarkable digital roaring sound, as if sending a very large packet of data. Then came an intense electric tingle that shot right down her spine, coalescing in her lower back. By the time she had gotten to ‘…reminded me of him…’ Sandy’s midsection leapt forward, causing Scrunch to literally fly across the room as Sandy’s belly pushed out into the lap he had just been sitting in.
         And then she burped- loud, low, and decidedly Dragon Balloon Belly-related.

         Sandy quickly scanned left and right, making sure none of the seat cushions were gone on her couch. “Whoa, did you just hear that? I just used the thing by accident. Yeah, did I mention it works?!”
         Her friend didn’t reply immediately, so Sandy continued, “Man, what did I put in me? I’m really big… the cat maybe?” Apparently she hadn’t seen Scrunch run off. Then she felt a powerful THUMP! from somewhere deep in her belly, causing her to drop her cell.
         She grunted and stood up from the couch carefully, then shouted playfully down to the yPhone on the floor, “Julia, sorry about that! I had to let the cat in!” She tried to bend down only to kick it accidentally. ‘Stupid belly getting in the way again!’ The cell skittered across the carpet, coming to rest by the cat’s scratching post. “Aw, crap! Hold on, Julia, I dropped my phone!” she shouted from across the room.

         As she waddled across the room, she felt another thump. Life! Inside her! It truly was a crazy, unique feeling that she never thought she’d feel again. As she approached the yPhone she turned sideways again to keep a clear view of it, when she saw Scrunch pop out of his hiding place and bat at it a few times.
         ‘Wait a minute,’ she thought, ‘if Scrunch is out there… what’s in here?’ Quickly, she reached for her phone, literally slapped herself in the face with it, and whimpered, “Julia?”

         The phone did not answer.