The Groom

The Wedding
By S.Duclos


Jeremy woke in the dark; the air was a mélange of mothballs and piss with a hint of excrement. He couldn’t move his body contorted with a crushing weight pressing down. Jeremy’s bladder had begun to throb and the urge to shit was excruciating. The trunk groaned slightly under Sarah’s shifting weight; he heard the rustle of her moldering white taffeta wedding gown. When accountant came home the evening before to what he assumed was an empty apartment, only to discover an immense woman wearing a filthy yellowed wedding dress sleeping on his new white leather couch. A large volume of what looked like red wine and cherry pop tarts remnants was sprayed across the sued arm rest. A wild tangle blond hair covered a meaty face. She was snored loudly but when Jeremy approached giantess had leapt up and cold cocked him with one of the decorative wooden Dutch clogs he displayed in the den.

“Hi.”

It was a woman’s voice, sweet but forced. Nervous “I thought you would never wake up. “But I hear you trying to move there so it means you aren’t dead.” Knuckles rapped heavily on the lid. Laughter.

His head had been mashed into his lap so he couldn’t respond.
“Bet you have to pee huh? That always happens…Can’t let you out though, maybe latter… You’re nice.” Sarah sighed softly. “I saw you and you saw me and then you smiled…You have exceptional teeth. They’ll still look good when you cured.”
He was certain he had never seen this woman before she hit him with the clog. How could you forget the hulking thing sitting above?
“I walked home with you… not with you… but I was behind you the whole way. I had a plant. You should remember to put the alarm on though; anybody could walk in and take all those pretty shoes… Sorry I hit you but you scared the bejesus out of me and I forgotten where I was... Thanks for the wine by the way, you have good taste. Reds my favorite too.”
The air was stale, he was breathing too fast now.
“It’s so hard to meet a nice guy and when I saw what we had in common I knew this was kismet… You were reading the paper at the long table on the second floor. I asked for a sign and I got one. You looked right at me and it was like cupid fired her arrow into my soul… You were wearing a poppy and you wore it exactly like me! On the same side and everything.” She finished breathlessly
He was going to die in his own piss and shit in this tomb she had fashioned, tears dripped between his folded legs, thick snot clogging his nose.
“We were meant to be you and me butter bean…Together in holy matrimony”
The clog collecting accountant screamed.