The Aardvark

The Aardvark

         The ocean always looked menacing to me. Waves came down like curled knife edges, ready to turn me into fried chicken. Although to be fried chicken, you'd have to be a chicken, and I'm not. Anyway, on with my story.

         First of all, it was not my fault. Sam told Mike to dare Jose, who instead told Billy to tell Annamarie to tell Casey to tell Amanda to dare Lilly, who instead dared Will, who instead told Freddie to tell Sara to dare me to go volcano surfing.

         I know what you're thinking, there's no way I could remember all their names; but they're my friends so I remember them. At least, they were my friends.

         Now, the reason I told you about my ocean fear is because if I'm afraid to surf on the ocean, why would I surf on a volcano? The truth is, I will never, ever turn down a dare. Because I have dignity and morsels.

         But I'm not an idiot, so I told Casey to tell Annemarie that I'm not doing unless an aardvark goes with me. I didn't want to be frozen into salt like Sodom and Gomorrah so I wanted that aardvark. But Casey is an idiot and he told Annemarie that I wanted an odd lark to go with me. Annemarie is very accommodating so she got her cousin, William Ralphie Johnson Henryson Crazyson Davidson Lark to go with me. It was nice of her, but unfortunately, he's actually not that odd, so he wouldn't work.

         It all started with Sam and even though his last name isn't Lark, I decided he would have to go with me.

         At first we couldn't find a volcano, but then Lilly told Mike to tell Jose to ask his brother to make one. His brother got really mad about being asked that and said he couldn't, so we all flew on over to Hawaii because there's an active volcano there.

         The irony is, when we got there, Sara made a fortune discovering some and mining it, so she backed out and left us.

         So we climbed this volcano, and all of a sudden Joe shows up, outta nowhere! Yeah, it was odd. He said he was William Ralphie Johnson Henryson Crazyson Davidson Lark's brother, and we were all elated. He was immediately invited.

         The waves crashed on the shore. You could just hear those chickens being fried. Steam spat up from where the lava was going into the ocean. It was a good day for volcano surfing, or lavaboarding as the professional amateurs called it when they each tried it that one time. I sure was scared at all. Joe Lark handed me a puppy. And then, the weirdest thing happened.

         All my friends got to talking, and it turns out that Sam actually told Mike to dare Billy, who instead dared Jose! The dare was made officially invalid. But before we all went home, I dared Sam to go lavaboarding. He doesn't have dignity, so he backed out. Then, I pushed him into the ocean. I heard him clucking like a scared little sheep, the coward!

         After he drowned, we brought him back to be buried here. Dear old Samantha. He was a good guy. But as he fell in, he took the aardvark with him. So now you know it wasn't my fault Andy Aardvark died. We did recover his body though. It wasn't easy; we had to get it out of the fish who were inside the seals who were inside the sharks. The sharks were a good sport about it though, after I promised them some of our teeth as a present. It was a painful pulling, but they love to collect them, so it was worth it.

The end.