Stuff the Magic Dragon

WC 502

Stuff the Magic Dragon

-By Jack Rawlins

In 2008, a Chinese geekette and gourmet cook named Honah Lee invented a video game called “Stuff the Magic Dragon.” The object of the game was to find, slay, scale, clean and stuff a dragon. The game begins with a computer-generated selection from a book of recipes titled The Incomplete Idiot’s Guide to Dragon Cookery by St. George of Silene. The game had a thirty-minute time limit and was not over until the Dragon had been stuffed. However, the Master Dragon Chef Level could only be attained if after stuffing, the dragon was basted with a fountain pen.

The fountain pen was a difficult challenge for young gamers; many of them were only familiar with ball points, felt-tip markers and text message key pads.

Despite a steep learning curve for some, the game was an instant sensation. Brilliant programming, stunning graphics and a sole-stirring [sic] musical score by 26 classical flamenco guitarists had gamers’ feet tapping and their adrenaline squirting as they set out to stomp and stuff the Magic Dragon

A superb dash of realism was provide by the trash-talking Dragon as he challenged the gamers' every move and belittled their attempts to spear him.

Honah Lee kept the trash talk current by consulting the Urban Dictionary every day and updating the Dragon’s in-your-face repartee. He was so effective in discussing family members that some gamers smashed their monitors, others smashed their mothers, and some became so addicted to stuffing the beast they lost all concept of time and place and reality. Some had to be institutionalized.

Despite a very short supply of people with a sense of humor, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) held a press conference urging the Magic Dragon be accorded the same considerations as other animals. It immediately got the attention of many non-gamers who bought the game so they could treat the dragon ethically.

In a matter of months, the Dragon’s roar was a roar heard round the world. Sales soared. Everybody was happy until Jose Alberto Berto Carlos Diego Gonzales, leader of the twenty-six guitars band who wrote the score and also played a guitar, got greedy.

Jose Allberto Berto Carlos Diego Gonzales felt his classical flamenco music had a great deal to do with the success of the video game. He wanted a percentage of the profits.

When he presented his case to the CEO at the producer’s office, the CEO took great pleasure in saying, “No way, Jose!”

A major court battle ensued which upset Honah Lee so much she quit doing her daily updates of trash talk. The impact on sales was disastrous. Evidently, dragon slayers really love trash talk.

Despite entreaties from the producers, Honah Lee was happy to leave the company, the producers, Jose Alberto Berto Carlos Diego Gonzales, twenty-six classical flamenco guitarists, and her career as a video game programmer. She also took two million dollars with her which had a lot to do with her happiness.

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