Does This Make Me Look Fat?

WC 498

Does this Make Me Look Fat?

By Jack Rawlins

Dear Gabby: I was always taught, “Thou shalt not lie.” So, when my wife asked, “Does this new dress me look fat,” I said, “No. You looked fat before you put it on.”

Was that a poor choice of words?

That was two months ago. I’ve been sleeping on the couch ever since.

Celibate in
Seattle


Dear Celibate: Yes, that was a poor choice of words. In fact, from one guy to another, I gotta tell you, that was a dumb thing to say. You can’t tell a fat lady she’s fat, no matter how fat. The truth hurts. Didn’t you ever hear of little white lies? Well, maybe in your case if you said, “No, I swear,” it would not have been a little white lie; it would have been major perjury

If you can get her to talk to you, tell her you’re worried about how much weight she’s lost.

Dear Gabby: Sometimes your advice sucks. She twisted my words and said, “One day you tell me I’m a blimp; a few weeks later you tell me I’m too skinny.” Now she hates me more than ever.

Thanks for your useless advice.


Dear Celibate: You don’t have to get nasty. I’m just trying to help. You’re the one who made the stupid remark. I assume you were smart enough to apologize? But maybe that’s assuming too much. Anyway, if you haven’t already done so, apologize.


Dear Gabby: Look, pal, I don’t like your tone and you’re not helping. Of course I apologized. Give me some good advice for crap’s sake!

Dear Celibate: Did you know you can’t spell families without lies?

Dear Gabby: What in the hell does that mean? What does it have to do with me getting back in the bedroom? I need help, not word games.

Dear Celibate:: It’s a family thing. People who care about one another have to be liars. As I said before, the truth hurts. You can make it less painful if you lie to one another a little. Remember, you’re not an umpire. Don’t call them like you see them.

The next time your wife asks you a trick question, take The Fifth Amendment .and refuse to answer.

For a complete guide, buy my book,” Let Sleeping Dogs Lie,” by Gabby van Botox. It’s full of good advice about the art of the white lie. It will help you fib, fabricate, weasel, and lie effectively to smooth out the wrinkles of family relationships. It’s only $29.95, plus shipping and handling.

Dear Gabby:: I read your overpriced book. I’d like to say it was helpful, but that would be a lie.

Anyway, I settled my problem with wine and roses, chocolate, and a large piece of humble pie (i.e. begging).

Satiated in
Seattle

Editor’s note: The rants and poor advice of
Gabby van Botox do not reflect the opinion
of this publication or anyone with half a brain.