Joe Mistletoe and the Star Trek Bike

WC 664

Mighty Joe Mistletoe and the Star Trek Bike

By Jack Rawlins

My friend and business partner is a 180-lb. orangutan with a strong work ethic and a great sense of humor. We’ve been together since 1992 when my uncle Herman Glockenspiel, a premier primatologist in Sumatra died and left Mighty Joe to me. He also left me an endowment to cover Joe’s education and room and board.

According to research psychologist Robert Deaner and his colleagues, the orangutan—next to a human—is the world's most intelligent animal. Whales may not want to hear that, but in my experience Joe does substantiate the claim. He is brilliant!

Good help is hard to find, so I brought Joe in as a full partner the day he arrived. It has been a blessing to both of us.

Our business is seasonal. We market Appalachia hand-crafted snow globes, Christmas trees, mountain laurel, holly, and mistletoe. Mistletoe was only a small part of our enterprise until Joe came to live with me. For many years I harvested mistletoe the traditional West Virginia way by blasting it from the tops of giant hardwood trees with my shotgun. I ruined a lot of perfectly good mistletoe that way, but I wasn’t about to climb those towering trees.

When I took Joe on his first foraging trip he quickly sized up the situation; he laughed at my efforts, signed for me to lay down my gun, and swung into the trees.

He gathered more mistletoe in two hours than I could have blasted to earth in a week. That was the start of a relationship that soon made us the “Mistletoe Kings of Appalachia” with distributors as far north as Philadelphia.

Another surprising development came before the Holidays when he watched me making snow globes . With his intelligence, artistic sense of form and function, plus the dexterity of his opposing thumbs, he quickly learned how to produce outstanding work that brought premium prices.

Although we had distributors, we sold most of our products at a mall in Western, West Virginia. Wearing a cap that said “Mistletoe Joe,” and a cape fashioned from a red flannel sheet, Joe was a crowd-stopper and super salesman. He would stand at a high table smiling at visitors as he fashioned snow globes that earned “Oh’s and “Wow’s.”

Business was good, but one day the big ornery rascal surprised everyone by whipping back his cape and flashing the ladies. Some thought it was hilarious. Some thought it was admirable. Others thought we should be arrested.

That afternoon I took Joe to Dick’s Sporting Goods and had him fitted with a silky biker’s outfit. While there, he spotted and fell in love with a used La Monde model Trek bicycle.

Mighty Joe was such a great asset to our business I had no reservations about buying him a bike to go with his suit. The truth is, he never asked for much and he earned a lot.

Although an arboreal primate, Joe would rather ride a bike than swing through the trees. After the Christmas rush he became a legendary figure as he peddled through towns and villages where people gawked, whistled and applauded. Mighty Mistletoe Joe had become a star.

Like any entrepreneur, I thought his stardom presented an opportunity to generate extra income. So, last month I wrote to the communications manager at the Trek Bicycle Company in Waterloo, Wisconsin. I suggested they consider marketing a new model called Star Trek. I also pointed out this was not an attempt to capitalized on other uses of the same name; however, any collateral advantage would certainly come at a low price even after paying Joe’s modest sponsorship fee which I would be happy to negotiate.

I also suggested they seek a special exemption from the International Bicycle Racing Association that would allow Joe to ride with their team in future events.

I have not yet received a reply.

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