The Naughty Christmas Child

There’s a certain red nose raindeer
Who’s coming out to play,
And he’s dropping off my presents
From atop his airborne sleigh,
I can feel excitement mounting
At the end of today –
‘Cause Santa Clause is coming
And I’m pretty sure he’ll stay!

Cause I’m staying up all night,
Just to catch a peek
But mummy says he only comes
When I’m fast asleep,
But tonight he’ll get a shock,
On top of his normal treat
‘Cause tonight I’m pretty sure
I’ll hear his squeaky feet.

See I’ve made a little trap,
(Of the Santa Snatching kind)
I’m sure he won’t be cross,
It’s kind of funny in my mind,
See I’ve heard Santa’s sort of magic,
And these traps I hope he’ll find,
Are to test out Santa’s tricks
And maybe get him in a bind.

My daddy might be angry,
But I’m sure that he won’t care
Once he’s found out who the traps for
He won’t split a hair.
But I’ve had to keep it hidden
Cause daddy might go to Santa’s lair,
He’d tell him what I’ve got planned
(like last year)
And then it won’t be fun or fair!

First; I’ve put wee-wee in the whisky
I’ve loosen the second step,
I’ve swapped the biscuit for a dog chew,
And made the third step wet.
Next; I’ve hidden my brothers stocking,
I’ve let out our dog Shep,
So if he goes into the kitchen
He’ll find an awful mess.

I’ve also loosened the top step,
And put glue on bedroom door...
Maybe it’s mean on Santa?
Or maybe I better even the score?
‘Cause every year he escapes me
But I never know what for –
I’m a good kid, and for this,
I should deserve my presents all the more!

So now I’m tucking into bed,
My traps all set for him,
I think he’ll find it fun –
A little excitement in a night so dim!
But soon I was waking up
To a sound that sounded grim,
It woke the house up it was so loud
What a din!



Daddy told me off last night.
Apparently Santa wasn’t happy...
He told daddy to tell me it wasn’t funny -
It was really rather crappy...
Apparently I needed to be good,
And clean up rather snappy,
What I’d done was mean to Santa,
And I’d acted kinda scrappy.

But I think Daddy’s lying...
‘Cause I still got my gifts...
I reckon Daddy scared him off
With all his yellin’ an’ bits
Daddy’s just jealous
‘Cause Santa’s departure was so swift
But don’t worry Dad!
We’ll get him next year!
I just don’t think Santa will be too miffed...