Giggleworm Wiggles Her Way Out

WC 475

Giggleworm Wiggles Her Way Out

By Jack Rawlins

LESTCHESTER, NY --- Dolly the Giggleworm had the last laugh last night when she wiggled her way to freedom from the laboratory of Dr. Franklin N. Stein, director of the Institute of Accelerated Evolution and Wormology.

This morning, Dr. Stein launched a frantic city-wide search of compost piles and bait shops. He said, “I’m afraid if Dolly falls into the hands of an innocent fisherman, the fisherman will feel he need never have to buy or dig another worm.”

Dr. Stein described Dolly to search party volunteers as “a really, really big worm with a wet sense of humor. Mist her and she will coil into a squiggly mass of giggles. Like all worms, she will die if her skin dries out; so if she slithers by, please keep her laughing. For a real treat, goose her (either end will work) and she will whoop ecstatically like a hyena.”

Dr. Stein and his Institute have come under heavy criticism recently for what has been described as bizarre experiments in cloning, gene splicing, genetic manipulation, hereditary mutation, and fast-track evolution.

According to sometimes reliable sources, Dr. Stein injected selected genes from a spotted hyena (Crocuta crocuta)--also know as a laughing hyena--into a twelve-foot Australian Gippsland earthworm. Insiders say Dr. Stein extracted the genes from the hyena’s funny bone. They also report: “It was no coincidence that he chose the twelve-foot Gippsland. Twelve feet is also the length of tubing in a French horn. What better way to reproduce the musical laughter of the hyena?”


At a mid-morning press conference, Dr. Stein said, “Old Charlie Darwin wasted 39 years of his life studying earthworms. And what did he come up with? Everyone remembers him for On The Origin of Species, but not for his worm work. I, however, remember him for this quote: ‘...it may be doubted if there are any other animals which have played such an important part in the history of the world as these lowly organized creatures.’ And he didn’t even know we could make them laugh!

“Here at The Institute, we’re not theorist; we are pragmatist. We wanted something that would benefit all of mankind. That’s why we concentrated our research efforts on developing Dolly for future cloning

Who would not want a living source of constant merriment, a soft cuddly worm that giggles when misted, or whoops when goosed? Dolly the Giggleworm is a national treasure that should be protected and propagated. We must get her back. She’s a hermaphrodite so reproduction will be easy.

“Of course we will be downsizing her for small households.”

As the search for Dolly resumed, Dr. Stein issued a terse warning: “Remember: laughter is contagious. Dolly is armless and harmless. But approach her with caution or she’ll have you laughing your butt off.”

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