The Selection Process

WC 600

The Selection Process

By Jack Rawlins

Eeeny, meeny, miny, moe
Catch a tigress by the toe.
If she hollers let her go,
Eeeny, meeny, miny, moe



I’ve always been in love with Cathleen and Colleen O’Brien. They’re identical twins, and I mean identical in every way. You can’t love one and not the other: Looks, personality, intellect, talent, body, and libido--same, same, and same! There’s a lot about them to love.Cathleen and Colleen are really two of a kind.

We were neighbors. Grew up together. Went to the same school and church. Played doctor together. We had a lot in common, but there was only one of me.

My name is Shawn McManus. I’m a mature street urchin. I turned to the wretchedness of urchiness because of the twins. Let me tell you why:

I’m a big-hearted guy. I’ve got a lot of room for love. I like to spread it around.I never bought into the concept that you can only love one lady at a time. Well physically, yes. But I’m talking emotionally. I was always faithful to them and them to me.

After the petting period of puberty our collective hormones began to rumble. The biological and psychological drives were headed for a collision and a shotgun wedding.I had to make a decision: I had to choose which twin to marry.

Even though I wished I could marry both of them, I was forced to decide. With their consent I used the infallible “ Eeny, meeny, miny, moe” technique: Cathleen got the final finger of fate. So, just like that I now wished I could marry Cathleen--and I did. But I had to give up something of equal value: Colleen.

On our wedding day; we made it through the ceremony until the part about “If any one knows why these two should not be wed, let him or her speak now or forever hold his or her peace.”

“It’s not fair!” shouted Uncle Charlie from the friends’ of the groom side of the aisle. “He loves both of them and they both love him. May I suggest a ménage a trois? “

“Not in my church, you can’t.” stormed Pastor Potter. He can only marry one of them. He can have one without the other; No way can he have them both.”

And so we were wed. My wish came true. But I missed Colleen. Because of the tangled web we’d woven, we three were soon very unhappy.

We thought of moving to another country where multiple wives are lawful, but the three of us really love it here. We didn’t want to move; nor did we want to live in sin. I was willing to give it a try, but the twins were not.

Cathleen suggested we go see narrow-minded Pastor Potter for advice. That was a mistake. He reminded us of our vows: “Live with them,” he said. Colleen thought he meant for her to live with Cathleen and me and moved in.

Things went well for a while, but when the neighbors started seeing double they fingered me for some kind of pervert with a house full of cloned concubines. Not only am I a big-hearted guy, but I’m very sensitive to public opinion. I was ruining the twin’s reputation.

To protect their good names, I moved out and into a refrigerator carton in skid row. Cathleen and Colleen are volunteers there at the soup kitchen and I get to see them every day. And we’re still in love. We’ll work things out eventually.

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