New Year 2010

It was the night before New Year's and all through the bar,
all of the people were looking for the keys to their car.
The bouncer would take them as soon as you walked in the door,
they were dropped into a box with your name and put into a drawer.

There were only two ways for you to get your keys back,
one was for you to walk on a straight line that was black.
The other was to have a designated driver of course,
and both of these rules were always very strictly enforced.

The kids are snuggled asleep in each of their beds,
as toys they received at Christmas ran through their heads.
As I sat at the bar removing my beer bottle cap,
My girlfriend was at one of the tables taking a nap.

From out in the parking lot I hear a large clatter,
I run to the window to see what was the matter.
When what to my wondering red eyes should appear,
But a man in a Santa suit with eight tiny reindeer.

The man is quite drunk and is going to take flight,
how did he get his keys? I don't feel this is right.
then from inside the bar I hear all this applause.
I realize he must have his own Santa clause.

I fall off the black line and ram right into the wall,
there is no one in town that I am able to call.
I find deep in my pocket a spare set of keys,
I take off in my car and crash into some trees.

I put the car in reverse and knock a fire hydrant down,
I feel like I am becoming a man of renown.
What I should do now I really haven't a clue.
I just say to myself what would Tiger Woods do.

The cops come and give me a sobriety test,
but unlike Tiger, I am put under arrest.
They put me in handcuffs, and as they start to take me to jail
I yell out the window, "Happy New Year, I hope I can make bail."