Chapter Twenty-Five: Want

First Draft



The wind rushed through the trees, the sound of fluttering leaves mimicking the rain that would soon come. A blast of damp cool air whipped across Joseph’s face and surged passed him into the cottage, shaking the walls and rattling the weak foundation of the cottage. There was a light flapping sound inside the house and he glanced over his shoulder from where he stood in the doorway, identifying the noise when he spotted the fanned pages of a book flitting in the wind. He ambled over to where the book lay and stiffly bent to retrieve it.

Ever since his tussle with Michael three days before his body felt jarred, his shoulder was stiff and sore and every muscle in his upper torso felt tight. Not to mention the still tender wound in his chest.

Slowly he turned and placed the book inside the box of clothes Crystal had brought him, then he gathered the other books and the few newspapers that were stacked near his bed of hay– the blankets of which had been folded and piled next to the small crate– and added them to the box. Completing this task, he made a quick scan of the room to make sure he hadn’t missed anything; all that was left was the pile of hay in the corner and the rickety chair and table. He was bringing nothing with him but the clothes on his back.

Satisfied, he went back to the entrance and leaned heavily against the door jab, his breath uneven after the small exertion; his eyes searched the forest once more for any sign of Crystal.

She’d been gone for three days now, ever since he’d found Michael in the woods. Liza had told him that she went to visit her sister down in the French Quarter, which would have been fine with Joseph if it wasn’t for the fact that she had been in closer proximity to the man who wanted her dead. And Joseph couldn’t fight the nagging feeling that she’d gone there to get away from him.

However, this morning the crushing grip of worry twisting his stomach was finally eased. Liza informed him that Crystal was home and planned to see him in the afternoon. Joseph was both anxious for her arrival and dreading her reaction to his plan.

Yesterday he’d finally come to a decision: the only way he could stop Riley from hurting Crystal was to talk to him face-to-face. Which meant that he was leaving, and he didn’t know if he was more afraid that she wouldn’t let him go, or that she would.

Another gust of wind cut through the trees as a shot of lightning split the horizon, Joseph inhaled the clean scent of a coming storm. It wasn’t the best day to be traveling, even if it was just a few miles to town, but he didn’t want to give his heart any longer to talk him out of leaving. He knew he would be gone for more than four days– the length of time before Crystal’s wedding– and that leaving meant giving her up without a fight. She would marry her fiancé on Saturday and he would lose her forever. But he’d rather lose her himself than have her lose her life.

There was a low rumbling like thunder and Joseph looked to the sky before realizing it was Crystal urging her horse through the thinner woods around the cottage. She emerged from the trees with a smile on her face, her hair blowing about her face wildly and her cloak flying behind her in the wind. He would have smiled at any other time at the picture she made, but the thought of the conversation ahead kept his mood grim. Unable to look at her grinning face he ducked inside the cottage and dropped into the only chair.

Crystal entered the house in much the same manner as a whirlwind, skirts swirling and hair tangled about her face as if it purposefully meant to conceal her. He could hear her laughing as she struggled to hold her dress down and keep her hair out of her eyes while clutching the familiar satchel that she used to conceal the food she sneaked him. This was only accomplished when the wind changed directions and was swept from the house.

Crystal gasped in relief and began fumbling with the ties of her cloak. “What a ride that was!” she giggled. “I lost my bonnet on the way here– I’ll have to retrieve it later, I suppose. It’s a wonder I made it here at all, for Liza was thoroughly against it. But Mother is still visiting Elizabeth, and so she couldn’t make me stay away. I promised Liza I wouldn’t be long, I just had to see you!”

She finally managed to loosen the strings and then toss the cloak across the small table, dropping the satchel on top before turning to Joseph for the first time. “How are you feeling?” she asked, reaching out to brush her fingers through his hair.

“I’m fine,” he said, quickly dodging her hand. He was determined to keep a safe distance from her so that he could keep his wits about him. She frowned slightly but dropped her arm without comment.

“I’m sorry I left without warning but Charles rather suddenly insisted that we accompany him to the opera on Sunday night and then Elizabeth begged us to stay with her for a few days before the wed–” She brought her fingers swiftly to her lips as if to hush her own words, eyeing him nervously. “It was all rather trivial,” she finished awkwardly.

Joseph nodded as he stared at the cracked wood floor, barely listening to her speak as he considered the best way to tell her the decision he’d come to without actually telling her why he’d come to it.

There was a moment of silence and then Crystal knelt down beside him, crossing her arms and resting them on his knee. So much for keeping my distance, he thought as he met her concerned gaze.

“Are you sure you’re all right?” she asked, her wind blown hair fell into her face as she tilted her head to one side. “Liza mentioned that you slept all day Sunday, do you feel ill?”

He shook his head and pushed back the flyaway strands behind her ear before he could warn himself not to, and immediately felt a surge of desire shoot through his body as he felt her cool skin beneath his fingers.

“We need to talk,” he whispered hoarsely, dropping his hand hurriedly.

She sighed and sat back. “Joseph, please tell me you’re not still thinking about what happened the other day. There’s nothing to discuss that will change anything and it’ll only lead to an argument. Why don’t you eat something?” She grabbed the bag from the table and began setting its wrapped contents on the floor. “Liza managed to slip in a few sweet cakes, and there’s bread and some leftover slices of ham. I couldn’t get any cheese but it’ll still be tasty.”

“I’m leaving, Crys,” he said, his words quiet and dull.

“I’ll have to go fetch some more water from the creek before it rains and . . . you’re what?” Her head snapped up and she froze, the dark blue of her eyes boring into him.

He couldn’t hold her gaze. “I’m leaving,” he said, clearing his throat and speaking with more conviction this time. “There’s some things I’ve got to take care of and I think it’s about time I left you to your life.”

She didn’t reply and Joseph glanced at her to gage her response. Her eyes stared at him, but they seemed far away, as if she were looking through him.

Thunder rumbled in the distance and the sharp whistle of the wind sang through the trees and hissed through the cracks in the wall and roof of the house. Yet the rain still didn’t come, as if it, too, was waiting on Crystal’s answer.

There was none.

She rose to her feet and took a few steps toward the center of the room; slowly she turned, her eyes taking in the emptiness of the cottage, then she looked back at him, her eyes huge with hurt and unshed tears.

“Crys,” he began, rising to his feet as well, “please say something.”

“Like what?” she asked sharply, a tear escaping from her eye. “It seems you’ve already packed– already made up your mind.” Her words came out in breathless shouts. “Would you like me to make a fool of myself and beg you to stay? Is that what you want?!”

Joseph groaned and rubbed his face briskly with his hands. “No. That’s not what I want.”

Crystal shook her head as if his words weren’t the right ones and strode to the doorway. The wind whisked inside at that very moment, seeming to be waiting for her to get close enough, and caught her hair and dress like a sail flying out behind her. “Where do you plan on going?” she asked, staring intently across the yard.

His arms fell and he shoved his hands in his pants’ pockets. “I don’t know exactly. There’s just a few people I need to talk to.”

She arched her thin eyebrows. “I thought we agreed not to lie to each other?”

“Damn it, Crystal, can’t you just trust me?”

Her head snapped around. “Trust you? I’ve been trying to trust you since the day I met you! And all along you told me I was foolish, that I couldn’t trust you. Well . . . maybe you were right.”

Joseph sank back onto his chair, trying to fight the anger and betrayal he was feeling. The effort to contain it only seemed to make it stronger though. “What do you care, anyway? In a few days you’ll be married to your perfect husband and live in a mansion and have his perfect children. You can wipe your hands of me.”

Crystal wrapped her arms around herself as if to fend off his biting remarks. “I didn’t ask for this,” she said. “I didn’t ask for Charles as a husband. I didn’t ask–”

“But you accepted it!” he roared. “You let your family and this damn society control you!”

“You mean the way you let Riley control you?” she asked icily.

The truth of her statement hit him in the gut and he clenched his jaw. Somehow they’d both allowed themselves to be tugged along by a string, doing what they were told no matter what.

“Maybe we aren’t strong enough to control our own destinies,” Crystal sighed, biting her thumb nail.

Joseph shook his head. The hopelessness in her eyes twisting in his heart. He rose to his feet and went to her side. She lifted her gaze to meet his and dropped her thumb from her mouth. “Do you really believe that?” he asked.

She laughed and then caught her breath as she choked on a sob. Joseph pulled her into his arms and stroked her tangled hair.

“Sometimes,” she whispered into his shoulder, her tears coming more forcefully now. “Don’t leave, Joseph. Please. I need you.”

He buried his head in her hair, breathing in the faint scent of Jasmine that lingered there. “I have to.”

“Why?” she asked, her voice soft and childlike.

Joseph chuckled and kissed the top of her head. “Because I don’t think your husband would let you keep me as a pet.”

She punched him in the arm lightly. “That’s not funny.”

“But it’s the truth.”

“I wish we had a different life,” she murmured after a moment, her cheek pressed against his shoulder as he rocked her gently. “One that wasn’t so complicated.”

Joseph nodded but didn’t reply. He stared out across the woods as he considered Crystal’s words. The sky was getting darker and the wind had picked up to an even more persistent howl. Crystal’s horse was fidgeting nervously under the moss-covered oak tree she’d tied him to and small animals darted through the forest, seeking shelter before the storm.

“What if we did?” He pulled away from her slightly so that he could see her face. “Have a different life, I mean.”

“How?” she asked, her brow creasing.

Joseph gripped her arms. “Come with me,” he urged. “Come with me and we can be together.”

Crystal’s eyes widened in surprise. “Joseph, you can’t be serious.”

“No, I am.” He pulled her inside so that he could speak without the wind whipping about them. “We could run away, Crys. Back to Texas or up to New York. Leave everything behind, just you and me.”

She eased herself out of his grasp. “But– but what about money? And my family? I couldn’t just leave them.”

“They can come visit once we get settled somewhere. And as for money, there’s always ways to make it. We’d manage.”

Crystal covered her mouth and nose with her hands. “I couldn’t. Mother would kill me, and I’d be ruined.”

“What does it matter so long as we’re together?” He pulled her hands from her face and looked her in the eyes. “This is the answer to everything, Crys.” He couldn’t suppress the grin from his mouth. She didn’t even realize what this meant; he could protect her and not have to lose her. He could escape the Clan without Riley hurting Michael. He could finally accomplish all he’d promised his mother, all in one simple move.

Crystal stared at him for the longest time, her expression changing from horrified, to excited, to doubtful, all in one moment. Finally she dropped her head, and he only briefly caught the look of sadness that covered her features.

“I can’t,” she uttered so quietly that he had to lean closer to hear her above the wind. He gazed at her for two heartbeats then hurriedly stepped around her and put a few paces between them before the familiar urge to shake some sense into her took hold of him.

“Why the hell not?” he chomped out.

Crystal spun to face him. “Joseph, my wedding is four days away! I can’t do that to Charles– to my family!”

“That is horseshit and you know it,” he seethed. “You’re just too afraid of what other people think. Why don’t you decide what you want? . . . What do you want?”

She bit her lip. “I don’t know.”

“Tell me you don’t want me!” he demanded. “Tell me I read what’s between us all wrong and I’ll leave and you can go back to your wedding plans. But please don’t lie to yourself. Don’t lie to me. Because if I have to go to sleep every night for the rest of my life and dream of you, I want to be sure that there was no chance that I could have had you. Otherwise, I won’t be able to live with myself. So tell me the truth, Crystal. Now.”

“You already know the answer to that,” she said angrily. “Don’t make me say it just to prove you right.”

Forgetting all ideas of restraint, Joseph stomped over to her and caught her forearms. He pulled her to his chest and bent to look into her eyes. “Tell me.”

“Let go of me!” She shut her eyes tight as if this would help block out his voice, and struggled to get free.

“Tell me!”

“No!” she shouted, glaring up at him with resentful tear stained eyes. “Does that satisfy you? I don’t love you because I can’t love you, because we can’t be together! It’ll only hurt if we try. You know it, why won’t you accept it?”

He placed a hand on either side of her face and leaned forwards so that they were only an inch apart. “Because I don’t care,” he said firmly. “I want you with me and that’s all that counts. I’ve never felt like this before, and I never will again. You’re all that matters to me in this world– in any world! And I won’t let you go if you don’t want me to.”

“You’re fooling yourself,” she whispered, her lips quivering violently.

“Shut up,” he groaned. “Just shut up.”

“We–”

Joseph pressed his mouth down hard on hers to drown out her next words, crushing her lips against his in a long kiss. She gasped when he pulled away but he didn’t let her catch her breath before he kissed her again. A powerful gust of wind swept in through the doorway and another growl of thunder shook the house, but he only pulled her closer.

“Come away with me,” he said huskily. He kissed the corner of her mouth, her cheeks, her closed eyelids. “Please.”

He could feel her entire body shaking in his arms, he pulled back and searched her face, pushing the strands of hair that stuck to her wet cheeks back behind her ear.

“I can’t,” she gasped, her voice weak.

She jerked herself free of him and disappeared out the door, and after a stunned moment, he slowly followed, stopping at the entrance and leaning heavily against it as he’d done earlier, only this time he was watching Crystal ride away.

Calmly, he sank to the wooden deck and listened to the raging wind. A crack of lightning split the air, followed instantly by a roar of thunder. Suddenly the sky began to cry.

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"Chapter Twenty-Six: Choice"