Chapter Twenty-Eight:: Waiting

FIRST DRAFT



Crystal slipped out of her cotton robe and with a great sigh of relief sank into the hot bath Liza had prepared for her. The steaming liquid eased her soar muscles and soothed the cold from her bones.

Liza set a towel on the chair next to the tub and then collected Crystal’s wet, muddy clothes from the floor. Her eyes widened slightly when she shook out Crystal’s crumpled chemise but she quickly rolled the garment into a ball and tossed it into a separate pile. It was then that Crystal noticed the small, dark spots of blood staining her shift. A flush flooded her cheeks and she closed her eyes and rested her head against the tub’s edge.

She tried to clear her mind but couldn’t stop the train of thoughts rushing through. Liza’s determined silence wasn’t helping anything.

When they’d returned from their outing in the woods, they’d found Liza pacing the porch awaiting their arrival. Crystal had urged her maid not to reveal their secret with sharp looks and pleading eyes. Once they’d escaped to the privacy of her bedroom, Crystal had quickly explained what had happened and why Rose was so upset. Liza had barely said a word since, instead, she stalked around the room quietly muttering to herself and slamming everything she touched.

After a particularly loud bang of the wardrobe door, Crystal flinched. “Liza,” she sighed, sinking lower into the water so that her chin floated on the surface. “Please don’t be upset with me.”

Liza snorted but didn’t reply as she tossed Crystal’s night dress on the bed and knelt down beside the bath, grabbed the lilac scented soap, and dunked it into the water. Crystal sat up and Liza scrubbed the bar across her pale skin with more vigor than necessary; her long fingernails left red marks as they scraped across her flesh.

“You’re hurting me,” Crystal whispered.

Liza glanced up sharply but eased her hands. After a long moment she heaved a sigh. “What you gonna do now?”

“Wait for him,” Crystal said. “I’m not marrying Charles, Liza.”

There was a soft plunk as the soap popped from Liza’s hand and splashed into the water and Crystal caught the look of shock on her maid’s face, but before another word was spoken the bedroom door whined open; they both turned to face Rose as she stepped into the room. She had changed out of her dirty day dress and now wore a pale green gown that hung loose on her shoulders. Crystal had never noticed before how thin Rose had become.

With a flick of her small hand Rose dismissed Liza, and with a last curious glance, the maid slipped out the door, closing it behind her.

Crystal located the soap at the bottom of the bathtub and focused all of her attention on rubbing it across her skin. Rose didn’t move and when Crystal finally looked up her sister was studying her with cautious eyes, as if she wasn’t sure who she was looking at.

“Can I help you?” Crystal asked quietly.

Rose’s eyes narrowed and she strolled farther into the room, her fingers running over the oak vanity and carved dresser as if she’d never seen them before. She came to a stop at the window; her skin was an unhealthy shade of grey in the darkening light the cloudy evening provided.

“You lied,” Rose said, her voice calm.

Crystal slowly drew circles on the surface of the murky grey bath water. “I had to.”

“Why?”

“Because, Father would have killed him if he was caught.”

“Why were you hiding him there? How long?”

Crystal groaned knowing the interrogation had only just begun. “Since the robbery. . . . Rose, you have to understand, he was almost dead, I had to help him.”

“Why would you help him after he tried to kill you?”

“Why do you think he was trying to kill me?!”

“Because that’s why I shot him!”

Crystal blinked, her eyes locked on her sister’s pale, frightened face. Rose shot Joseph? She pictured the day at the bank, Joseph clutching his chest as he fell to the ground. Not once had she taken her eyes off of him to see where the bullet had come from. She’d never fathomed that it had been her own sister who pulled the trigger. She couldn’t believe it. Not Rose. Not her little sister who fainted at the mere thought of violence and death.

The silence lengthened and Rose dropped her head. “It is the worst sin to commit, is it not? And I don’t know if it’s possible to be forgiven for it, although I have tried. I went to confession, I Hailed Mary more times than I can count, but nothing seemed to be enough. I couldn’t repay the debt of a man’s life.”

Crystal shuddered, the hollowness of Rose’s words twisting her insides. Goose bumps tingled over her flesh; the water she sat in was now lukewarm. She stood and grabbed the towel Liza had left for her to dry off, she then quickly put on her robe and stepped out of the tub. Her wet feet left dark stains on the carpet as she padded to her vanity. Using the damp towel, she wrung out her hair and then let it fall around her shoulders in dark thick strands.

Rose sniffed loudly and Crystal glanced up, catching sight of the sheen of tears on her sister’s cheeks. Suddenly Rose’s behavior over the last month made sense; her constant attachment to her rosary beads, her withdrawal from the world, from her family. It was all due to guilt, and Rose was drowning in it.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Crystal asked.

Rose let out a laugh that caught in her throat and made her cough. “I couldn’t. . . . I couldn’t tell anyone. I’d killed a man and I was sure everyone would hate me if they found out.”

“But you didn’t actually kill him, Rose! He’s alive. A little weakened, yes, but alive all the same.”

Rose shook her head. “It doesn’t matter whether he’s dead or not. What matters is that I tried to kill him, I wanted to kill him. I hated all of those men in that bank for what they did to me– what they did to you!– and I can’t make the hate go away. When I saw him with you earlier I was so afraid. It feels like he came back from the dead to haunt me. I don’t understand how you can protect him after everything he’s done.”

Crystal sank down at her vanity with a sigh. “It’s hard to explain.”

“I can’t imagine why it’s so hard,” Rose snapped, her calm erased. “You admit that he’s a killer, yet you still defend him! What’s happened to you, Crystal? Why did you lie to Father? Why did you let him think I’ve gone mad?”

“I’ve told you, Rose! They would hang him.”

Rose spun to face Crystal. “He should be hanged!”

Crystal met Rose’s angry gaze with a glare of her own. “Who are you to judge him?” she spat. Rage boiled through her veins, but her words were cold as ice. “You’re the one that tried to kill him. Should you be hanged for your sins as well?”

Rose looked stricken but Crystal didn’t care, she swept passed her sister and began pulling on the clean clothes Liza had left on the bed.

Rose walked to the door quietly crying. Crystal closed her heart to the tears as she tried to fight her own. What more could happen today? She felt like this was the best and worse day of her life and she just wanted it to end.

She heard the door open and glanced up. Rose was staring at her from the door way, her hazy-blue eyes red and puffy, her throat constricting with silent sobs.

“Do you love him?” she asked in a raw voice.

Crystal didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

“What about Charles?”

Crystal dropped her eyes. “I don’t know.”

Rose’s eyes narrowed through the tears. “You’re one to talk of sin,” she whispered before slipping out the room; the door clicked softly behind her.

Crystal stared at the painted wood, she felt like screaming and kicking and throwing everything within reach. She wanted desperately to be a little girl again, able to run away from her problems and into her mother’s arms. But she wasn’t a little girl anymore. She never would be again. Womanhood had claimed her when she wasn’t looking, and now she couldn’t hide from life behind her mother’s skirts.

She climbed on her four-poster bed and curled up against the headboard and used a pillow to muffle her sobs. Moments later Liza reentered the bedchamber and joined her on the bed. Crystal welcomed the familiar arms that rocked her and soon her tears were dried.

Her mind wandered to Joseph and she pictured him and Michael on their way back to New Orleans; every once in a while Joseph would look back and she knew he was thinking of her. The idea soothed her; soon she would be away from all of this and it would be just her and Joseph. He promised he’d be back before the wedding, that was only four days. Four days and they would be together.

All she had to do was wait.



*******



Waiting was easier said than done.

Wednesday marked the beginning of the longest four days of Crystal’s life, and also the final preparations for her wedding.

It was hard to pay attention to Mother as she went over the seating arrangements of the reception for the hundredth time, and she found it difficult not to fidget as she tried on her wedding dress for final adjustments.

Every window she passed she glanced out of, hoping for a sign of Joseph. Maybe a glimpse of his shadow at the end of the lane or a slight movement in the trees. She tried to keep her disappointment at bay every time she realized he wasn’t there. After all, it had only been a day and the house had barely recovered from the commotion of yesterday.

Though it had been agreed that no word would be spoken to Mrs. de la Chaise about the strange tale Rose had woven, there was no keeping a secret that so many were party to. Dawn and Christy had badgered Crystal for the full story immediately upon hearing tell of it from a kitchen maid. Crystal tried to explain that it had only been a mistake on Rose’s part, and that she simply thought she saw Crystal in the cottage with a man. However, no one really believed this story, and Rose wasn’t helping anything. The girl paced her room praying under her breath as she clutched her rosary; she glared at Crystal every chance she got, scoffed anytime Charles and Crystal were mentioned in the same sentence, and clung to her version of events with iron stubbornness. It wasn’t long before the entire household was convinced she’d finally fallen to madness.

When Thursday morning dawned Crystal was at her wits end with the whole mess and she found herself slipping out the front door every few hours to search for Joseph. She listened intently to the sounds of nature hoping she would hear something off, something that beckoned her. By afternoon doubts whispered inside her head and she had Duchess saddled so that she could get away from her Mother’s endless string of advice on wifely duty and visit the overseer’s cottage.

He was nowhere to be found. She didn’t dare go back inside the cottage for fear of being caught there again, though she would be doing nothing wrong. Instead she wandered the woods until she located the box of Joseph’s belongings that she’d hidden. She retrieved her books and the few newspapers she’d supplied Joseph with and slid them into her saddle bag. The rotting food she cast into a bush, knowing it wouldn’t be long before the animals devoured it all. Three blankets and the extra shirt and trousers were all that was left after that. She lifted the cotton top to her nose and the faint musky scent that she caught there made her heart flip. Suddenly she was in his arms; hot mouths, sharp breathes, searing touch. The image was so real she could almost feel him, and somehow she knew he was thinking of her at that very same moment; the knowledge sent a shiver through her body.

She was pulled back to reality by the soft snort of her horse and she sighed in frustration as she got to her feet. Tomorrow, she thought. He’ll be here tomorrow.

With that reassurance in her mind, she concealed the box full of blankets and clothing once more and rode home.



*******



Friday was beautiful. The sun shone bright in a clear blue sky and a warm breeze carried the scent of fall on its heel. Mother was delighted and certain that Saturday would hold the same shining promise of good weather.

This was the day, Crystal was certain. So certain that her mother’s endless preparations and nagging didn’t get her down. She was so sure that Joseph would come for her today that she packed a small traveling bag and hid it under her bed so that she could easily grab it when he came.

There was not a single doubt in her mind throughout the morning and into the afternoon. And each hour that she stepped onto the porch to look for him she was not so very disappointed that he didn’t appear because she knew the next hour would be the one.

No uncertainty crossed her mind when she rode to the cottage to check if he were waiting for her. She was perfectly able to deal with the fact that he wasn’t there yet. It would only be a few more hours after all.

As the sun began to sink over the horizon, she claimed a spot in the parlor and set her chair in a patch of sunlight facing the front window. Her eyes scanned the grounds of Oak Alley like a predator stalking its prey, the rest of her body never moving.

Liza came to sit with her for the few moments that Mrs. de la Chaise could find nothing for her to do in preparation for the wedding, and studied her with uneasy brown eyes.

“What if he don’ come, punkin?”

Crystal threw her a sharp glance. “He’s coming. I know he is. He promised.”

Liza nodded and Crystal thought she was going to drop the subject, but then she took Crystal’s hand. “But what if he don’?”

Crystal shook her head. “I told you, he said– ”

“But what if he don’, child?” Liza cut in. “What are you gonna do then? Your weddin’ is tomorrow. If he don’t come you can’t just call it off an hour befo’ you walk down the aisle.”

Crystal bit her lip, furious at the stinging the questions sparked in her eyes. She didn’t want to think about if he wasn’t coming. He was coming. If she let the doubts in her mind she wouldn’t make it. The thought that he wasn’t here yet was just as terrifying. Had he forgotten that her wedding was tomorrow? Surely he realized that if he didn’t come she would have no choice but to marry Charles? She had said she would wait for him, but she couldn’t wait forever, no matter how much she was willing to.

On the other hand she hated to think of what everyone would say when she didn’t show up for her own wedding. She hated to humiliate Charles after all he’d been through, but at this point there was no way around it. She was so foolish for ever agreeing to marry him! And her plan of escape was cowardly. All of this she knew, but she didn’t care. She wanted to be selfish. She wanted to be with Joseph.

“If he doesn’t come,” Crystal said quietly. “I’ll marry Charles.”



*******



He didn’t come.

Saturday rose with brilliant pinks and oranges washing over Oak Alley like a warm bath. Crystal watched the sunrise from her bedroom window with haunted eyes. Below she could hear slaves scurrying about, her sisters giggling down the hall, and her mother’s voice as she oversaw breakfast; the smoky smell of bacon drifted up the stairs to her nose. Two cardinals flew by her window and darted to the nest they’d made on the roof.

She closed her eyes and pressed her forehead against the cool glass, letting the cold absorb into her body through the window and her bare feet on the hardwood floor. When Liza came up behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder, Crystal wasn’t sure how long she’d been standing in that position.

She met Liza’s gaze and had to throw up a wall around her heart to block the pain from the pity she saw there. “He’s not coming . . . is he?” she whispered.

Liza shook her head and her large eyes pooled with tears. “No, baby, I don’ think so.”

Crystal nodded and walked to her wardrobe in a fog. Slowly she opened the oak doors to reveal the gorgeous white dress that she’d slaved over with her mother for the passed five months. It was made of ivory silk with an organdy skirt; the bodice embroidered with beautiful magnolia’s and tiny pearls.

Carefully she pulled it from the wardrobe and held it in front of herself as she studied the image she made in the mirror. She caught Liza’s reflection in the glass and saw the worried look the maid wore. Crystal turned and smiled brightly, though her eyes lacked a spark, and gestured toward the rising sun.

“It’s a beautiful day for a wedding, isn’t it?” she asked, her voice soft with only hints of the pain she felt..

Liza regarded her for a long moment as if she were trying to decide if Crystal had lost her mind. Finally, she nodded and came forward to take the dress from Crystal.

“It sure is,” she said encouragingly.

Liza turned to tuck the dress away until Crystal was safely in the church where there was no chance of it being ruined.

“Liza?” Crystal whispered, staring once more at the full-length mirror.

“Yes, punkin?”

“It hurts,” she gasped and Liza was there to catch her as she collapsed into sobs.

“How could he do this to me?” she choked. “The bastard. I hate him!” Her knees gave out beneath her and together they fell to the floor. Angry tears spilled from her eyes and she clung to the feeling of rage. Hate hurt less than love. “I hate him. . . . I hate him.”

*******

"Chapter Twenty-Nine: The Wedding"