The Decay of Society

    I must have misheard her, probably she was just being polite, evidently she serious.  In reality, it just proves that modern western culture, well American culture, if it even still exists, is crumbling.  The fabric that holds our country together is not just coming apart at the seams, it’s ripping, decaying like leftover tuna casserole on the bottom shelf of the refrigerator.

    Ruth had approached after church one Sunday and asked if I would consider being on the church council.  My first response was to turn around and see who she was asking.  Oddly, it was just the two of us.  I was sorta surprised that she was hallucinating.  I’d always pictured her as a pretty solid citizen and staid individual; it just goes to show that even the best can crack under dire circumstances.  Which she must have been if she was asking me to be on the church council.

    I turned around, “You uh, aren’t talking to me are you?”  There was a bit more than some incredulity in my voice.

    “Yes John, would you consider being on the church council?  It’s a three year commitment; we meet the second Tuesday night of the month at seven and usually are done by nine.  It usually isn’t bad, although occasionally it can get unpleasant.”

    “You are talking to me.  Are you sure you know what you’re doing?  I mean, you know what a screw-up I am right? and my seeming inability to take anything seriously?  My thought patterns don’t always follow, ah follow… follow normal paths you know.”  That last bit was a gross understatement.

    “Well, yes I am aware of your somewhat… unconventional thought patterns and attitudes.  I think your view would be refreshing on the council, there a few of us who feel this way”

    She wasn’t going to give an inch on this, she was serious.  “You’re ah serious here uh?” I was trying to buy some time here.  I looked at her closely, she appeared to be sane.  I think she was telling the truth, at least as she interpreted it.  She didn’t seem the type to play any cruel jokes or anything.  “Well, man, I don’t know I’ve never considered this before,” I half mumbled to myself.  “You aren’t kidding huh?”

    She treated that as a rhetorical question.  She just stood there looking at me.  Why did I feel like a deer frozen in the headlights?

    “Well, sure I suppose I’d consider it.  Actually I’m kinda honored you’d even ask me.  Or consider me for that matter.”  I was serious I was more than a bit honored.  Clearly she didn’t know me as well as she thought though.  “You aren’t just asking because you guys need a token mentally deficient person on the council are you?”

    She sorta laughed, “No, no we don’t need a token mentally handicapped person on the church council.”

    “Sure, I am honored you would even ask, wow.  Yeah, I’ll think about it.”

    On the way home my wife asked, “Did Ruth ask you to be on the church council?”

    “Yeah,” I responded.  “You think she is okay Lori, I mean she hasn’t suddenly gone nuts or something has she?  She’s always seemed so nice and… together I suppose.  She didn’t suddenly crack up or something did she?”

    “No, I don’t think she’s lost her marbles honey,” she laughed.  “What did you say?”

      “I politely asked her if she’d lost her mind and if she needed help finding it.”

    My wife looked at me like I had lost my mind.  “You did not.  Really, what did you say?” 

    “The truth, I said I was honored she’d consider me for a position like that and I’d think about it.”

    “Why wouldn’t she consider you for the council?” 

    I looked at her and wondered if she was feeling okay, “You okay?  You’re looking kinda peaked or something.” 

    “No, really, you would be good at that.  You’re truthful and see the root of a problem, if you want to you can be very diplomatic.  I think you would be good at it.”  She paused and shot me a sideways glance. “You should tell her yes.  It may be what you have been looking for.” 

    I was silent for a minute or two.  “Yeah, well I told her I’d think about it.” I was quiet for another minute or so.  “This isn’t really something I picture myself doing you know, the church council does important stuff right?  I mean don’t they kinda make some important decisions and stuff?”

    “Yes they do, that’s something you are capable of, even if you don’t think so.”

    “Well I said I’d consider it and there is no way in hell they’ll actually take me so it really isn’t anything to be concerned about.”  I was pretty sure of myself.

    A couple of months later I leaned over and whispered, “Are we sticking around for the annual meeting?”

    “Yes, and you’re going to behave yourself,” Lori whispered back.

    In between church and the meeting while I was trying to stuff more cookies into my pockets Lori asked, “Well are you going to do it?”

    I looked at her with what must have been a blank expression.

    “Be on the council,” she sighed, rather heavily.

    I must have still looked kinda blank.

    She shook her head, “Remember, Ruth asked if you would be on the church council?  It was only a couple of months ago honey.”

    I stuffed another cookie in my mouth; it gave me a minute to pretend I was thinking.  “Oh yeah,” I spewed crumbs, “no, I said I’d think about it and nobody ever talked to me about it again.  I guess they came to their senses.”

    I was handed an agenda as we entered the sanctuary and sat near the back.  I wasn’t born Lutheran but I’ve become a real Lutheran.  Lori poked me with an elbow as she held up a ballot.  Holy crap!  This wasn’t right, something was wrong, dreadfully wrong; my name was on the ballot?  I was pretty sure I’d clearly and distinctly said I would think about it.

    “Whoa, I didn’t think… well no sweat, nobody will vote for me anyway.”  I was safe in my knowledge and faith of the solid character of the congregation.  I must have had an odd expression on my face or something because Lori’s next words took me by surprise.  They were actually rather shocking.

    “Well do you want to?”  She earnestly watched me, dang I hate it when she does that.  I suspect she knows what I am thinking before I do.  It’s scary actually.

    “Do I want to?  Want to what?”

    Her expression of complete disgust tinged with bit of anger showing in her eyes told me all I needed to know.  There would be no worming my way out of this.  She wanted an answer and a serious no bull answer, now, right now.

    I thought about it, I searched the place my soul is supposed to be, and recoiled in shock.

    “Well since people have to vote on it, it’s really a purely academic question because nobody will vote for me.”

    When it became obvious I was done speaking Lori said slowly and distinctly, “That isn’t what I asked.  Answer the question.”

    That pretty much meant one more smart-ass answer and I was going to be one very sorry camper.  “Yeah, I guess I kinda do, who woulda thought.  But nobody will vote for me so it’s cool.”  I found my ballot and stared at it.  “Who should I vote for?”

    “Well if you want to be on the council vote for yourself.”

    “I can’t do that!”

    “Why not? you want to be on the council, you’d be good.  Vote for yourself.”  There was no doubt or questioning in her voice.  “Why can’t you vote for yourself?” 

    I returned her gaze.  How come I always feel like a deer in the headlights?  “Well, um, it…,” I stuttered.  “It just isn’t right that’s why.”

    “What’s not right about it?  If you want to be on the council vote for yourself; you think McCain voted for Obama or Obama for McCain?”  She stared at me, waiting; evidently this wasn’t a rhetorical question.

    “Huh?  I don’t know for crying out loud, it’s none of my business who voted for who.  I don’t know honey, it just doesn’t seem right is all.”

    “You would,” she muttered under her breath.

    The meeting started and went pretty quick.  It was time to vote and I just stared at the ballot, pencil in hand.  Folding it, I then handed it to the guy collecting them and sighed.

    “Well?” she asked.

    I stared at her.

    “I voted for you, I am sure some others did also honey.”

    Several minutes later the results were announced.  It seems more than a few others had voted for me.  I was now on the church council.  I was pretty much speechless.  Lori leaned over and kissed my cheek, whispering in my ear, “Congratulations, lots of people have faith in you.”

    I could not believe this, what was the world coming to?  What were these people thinking?  Obviously they hadn’t been thinking, they had ceased to care about the moral fabric of our society.  They were contributing to the decay of the modern world.  They had cheeseburgers for brains or something.  I kept thinking, would I want to be a member of a club that would have me for a member?  This just wasn’t right didn’t these people know me?  What was wrong with them anyway, they couldn’t all be mentally deficient could they?  Well I guess they could, are I suppose.  I mean holy smokes; mothers take their children off the street when they see me coming.  Birds fly upside down when I am in the area, puppies run in terror.  The world as we know it must be coming to an end.  The devil had just won a major victory for the dark side.  This just wasn’t right.

    On the way home Lori looked at me, “Well?”

    “Huh, well what?”

    “Who did you vote for, honey?”

    “Oh, I only voted for two.  I wasn’t one of them.”