Caring for Billy

Caring for Billy

‘Whatever you do, don’t look back. You’ll never go forward.’ Billy said suddenly, as I pushed him on our daily excursion to the park. He was particularly grumpy today.

‘Don’t worry Billy, I won’t. I always go forward.’ I replied, not fully comprehending his meaning, and trying not to sound flippant. He occasionally uttered his own ‘pearls of wisdom’, as they became known.

He turned his head and shot me a look indicating that I’d failed. I attempted conversation, even though he never said much, but was ignored. I’d upset him now. I didn’t need this.
Three years of caring for Billy had disrupted my life. If only I'd known what I was taking on. The demanding and difficult Billy had greatly encroached my privacy, as he refused all other carers. Mike had hated coming second to my ‘job’ – his term for Billy.

‘You are my wife…where’s your obligation to me!’ he would rant. He was jealous of Billy, a forty-five year old stroke victim, reliant on others for any quality of life. How could he be so selfish?

Eventually he left, and although I was devastated, I continued, if robotically, with Billy’s care, taking him out, helping with exercises, cooking, cleaning and all the other duties of carer. He needed me and I needed him. Not much different to a marriage really… no wonder Mike left.

I left Billy’s earlier than usual that night. I’d had enough. He had continued to ignore me for the rest of the day. How dare he! My life was in tatters because of my obligation to him.

I slithered into the lavender scented bubbles, my whole body relaxing into the deliciously hot water. I lay there, letting the soothing aroma and warmth infiltrate my whole being. Heaven. If only I could stay this way forever…so easy…no, I couldn’t?
Billy’s words came flooding back. Don't look back. Surely he couldn’t have known, could he?