The Best Gift

"Nana, I wanna see my choo-choo!"

Four years old and full of vim and vigor, Jonathan begs to watch Polar Express again. He is mesmerized by the show. He has fallen asleep watching the same show every night for the past two months. It is addictive to him.

"Are you sure you don't want to watch something else tonight?" Nana inquired.

"No, I wanna see my choo-choo." Jonathan is adamant. Nothing but The Polar Express will appease him.

I popped the movie in the VHS tape player. The DVD version had been worn out last Christmas when Jonathan had been obsessed with the same show.

His ebony hair and olive complexion was almost too pretty to belong to a boy. Some day he will be followed around by a dozen girls vying for even a minute of his time. I am sure of it.

His full lips were so smooth and always had kisses driping with sweetness waiting for me. I wonder why sometimes a child can fixate on something the way Jon has about The Polar Express. What caused him to constantly want to see and hear the same thing? What is it that has captured a piece of his soul?

It is going to be the best birthday I have ever had, I just know it. All the ladies I work with thought I had lost my mind. They all knew me as Sandy instead of Nana.

"Your birthday is coming up soon isn't it?" Rita asked.

I replied, "Another two weeks and I'll be fifty-eight. Having a hard time figuring out how I got to be this age."

"You got a hot date planned?" Gina wanted to know.

I have been single for a number of years and everyone at work was always wanting to know when I was going to get a boyfriend.

"Actually, I do."

"Whoa, we got to hear about this mystery man," her coworkers chimed.

"Well, he's probably THE best looking male I've ever seen," I began.

"He has black hair, deep chocolate eyes, olive skin and no one has sweeter kisses."

"Whoo-Hoo, when are we getting to see this hunk?"

"Here, let me go to Facebook. I have his picture posted in my photo albums."

"Oh, Sandy! Your grandson does not count. Really, when are you going to do something for yourself instead of everyone else?"

My life thus far had not always held beautiful bouquets. I have reaped my share of thorns along the way. Death had taken one husband. Overwhelming grief had poured down on me, crushing my spirit for several years when my next marriage had ended in divorce.

I have battled cancer three times and learned God holds all things, bar none, in His capable hands. My one shining star had been the joy my children had brought me throughout the years. They were my reason for everything. Ahh, but they were all grown and living lives of their own now.

All of my life, my biggest fear was of being alone. I had finally come to terms with that also. I worked two and at times three jobs, but that kept me busy. Part of the reason was loneliness. Part of the reason was simply financial need. My ex-husband had absconded with all funds down to cashing in life insurance policies. He had depleted all assets without my knowledge due to staying with one of my sons after surgery. I had lost my home and so many things precious to me. No matter the reasons, I had nothing and had to work.

As in all other things I adapted. There were times now when I relished the quiet time. For the first time, I was free to go and come at will. I could stay up as long as I pleased. I could sleep as long as I pleased. I could watch anything I wanted on television. I could clean the house or just let it go. I could buy anything I pleased within my budget. I no longer had to ask anyone else's opinion. I didn't have to disucuss whether I should paint the walls a neutral shade or go wild with bright hues. I could do whatever I wanted.

Then about a year ago my daughter's best friend from high school had approached me needing a place to live. Jennifer and her three children, Alexis, Eddie, and Jonathan now lived with Nana. Jennifer's parents were deceased and I had been Nana since their birth.

There were days I wondered what I'd been thinking when I offered her home as a safe-haven. No more privacy. No more quiet. No more walking through the house naked. Care had to be taken so child-proof shows only were viewed on the television. Then there were days like the one with Jonathan dancing around the living room piping, "Hot-hot choc-it, hot-hot choc-kit!" just like the train conductor did in The Polar Express.

Everyone got to enjoy steaming cups of warm cocoa with marshmallows floating on top as a family. Yes, some things were worth the sacrifice.

I was having my hair trimmed and styled. The beautician I used was telling me about a special showing at the IMAX theater in Birmingham, Alabama. The hair stylist, Karen, was enraptured at the effect it had on her own four year old child.

Karen bubbled as she described her own experience, "They are showing The Polar Express for the Christmas season. You go in your pjs and have a party completed with a visit from Santa and hot chocolate. It was an exceptional experience. It was well worth the 250 mile trip. It was a Christmas memory that can never be replaced."

In that second, I knew what I wanted for my birthday. With limited funds, I hit all the sales and found a new pair of soft, new fleece pajamas for everyone. Alexis would have pink with soft-looking puppies; Eddie would be wearing his favorite color blue plaid with ducks in flight; Jennifer would sport pastel mint green sprinkled with baby ducks; my own pajamas would be thick, plush, pink warmth and of course, Jon-Jon would have a Polar Express scene on his.

I could envision the children's eyes sparkling with excitement as Santa makes his entrance to the pj party after viewing the show. Jonathan would be repeating word for word the script of the actors as the story evolved. They would all be able to sing every song with the movie. It would be an adventure like none they had ever experienced and would be something to cherish for a lifetime. They had never been to half a dozen movies in a theater, much less a 3-D IMAX showing. My eyes filled with moistness merely thinking of it.

Pajama clad, December 19, 2009 we all piled into the car and headed to Birmingham. The awe and magic I had anticipated on Jon's face was captured on Alexis and Eddie's face as well. I got an extra bonus watching all three children filled to overflowing with delight throught the whole experience from the minute we left the house until we arrived home sleepy and ready for sweet dreams. The frosting on the cake, however, was the look of wonder and love Jennifer had for her children as they enjoyed a day she could not afford to give them.

It was my birthday. It was my money. It was my time and sometimes the best gift is one given.

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