My 100th Birthday Party

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My 100th Birthday Party - A True Story (Somewhere) (Maybe)

By Indelibleink


I’ve had my share of ups and downs,
Birthdays replete with circus clowns.
But there’s only one that really meant a lot to me,
My 100th, which occurred back in 2053.

It was quite a time, as I recall,
For we had invited one and all.
Now, I’m not sure that anyone cares,
But that night we set a record for wheel chairs.

Some guests had problems that were periodontal,
While others who had to leave, were horizontal.
My poor buddy Bob was stuck in the basement,
Couldn’t get up the steps due to his hip replacement.

Bill had problems with an enlarged spleen,
And Mildred was hooked up to a dialysis machine.
Yep, everyone had a story about their own prognosis,
And poor Charlie’s liver wasn’t all that good (cirrhosis),

When I’ve had a few, I’m quite the talker,
Even took a few steps without my walker.
And I started to fall, but soon I would gag,
I mistakenly grabbed Jake’s colostomy bag.

Freddie’s eyes were not near as sharp as they’d been,
He peed in the closet, and later did it - again!
Neither were Chester’s, after downing a couple of hot toddies,
Saw two ninety-year olds, and said, “Who brought the hotties?”

But he was not to be denied, headed in only one direction,
And said, “Good thing I remembered to bring some protection.”
I laughed, for Chester’s enthusiasm ‘twas a bit hyper,
The only protection he needed came from the help of a diaper.

It got out of hand because someone brought pills - no, not for me,
'Cause it was the “hard” stuff like Citrical and Vitamin E.
I guess we were wrong to have “pulled out the stops.”
Because my really old neighbors went and notified the cops!

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