Review of PDG member

Hello Jeweloftime!

I reviewed your piece, Molly's Bear - Minor Revisions and wanted to share my thoughts on it. Please only consider what is useful and helpful for you as that is my sole intent! Also, please do not hesitate to let me know if you have any questions about what I have said here. I enjoyed reading this piece and I look forward to enjoying more of your work.

Overall impression:

Love the concept and the characters. In my suggestions I offer some ways I could see it developed if it were to become a longer piece.

Strengths:

I really enjoyed the way the story developed. It was very eerie when the dad character told Molly that she wasn't responsible for the mother's injuries, when its so clear to the reader that she was. Also, the imagery is great. I can envision all the characters.

Favorite line:

"Poor ugly Bwownie Beaw,” Molly whispered as she pulled at its left ear" - I think this line truly endeared me to this main character. I could hear this sentence being said as I read it. Same with: “Look what you did Bwownie Beaw!” she scolded. “That’s not nice.” Molly walked across the room and opened the door."


Suggestions:

I was a bit confused about this imagery: "The woman grabbed a pile of mail from a rusty black box next to apartment number twelve. She stuck it in her mouth so that she could get." Seems it would be difficult to stick a pile in one's mouth?

I would love see this story developed to offer a true alternative reason for why these events were occurring, but still have Molly think that she and her teddy bear are responsible. For e.g., this could probably be tied into this concept of divorce - that Molly thought it was her fault, from her perspective, but in reality the divorce had nothing to do with her.