My 50th Birthday Party

I have a long story to tell, how many words can I use?
Short stories 1500 words or less. Poetry 32 lines, maximum

My birthday party was a bit rowdy. Should I watch what I say?
The contest is rated 18+. No vulgarities please.

Who's judging?
Just me, depending on response.

What about grammar and such?
The contest focuses on the story, not technical issues. However, I do expect a certain level of professionalism. We are writers, after all.

How do I post my birthday story?
Create an item in your portfolio and post it in the forum using bitem format. Don't know how? Ask someone, not me. Sorry, of course you can ask me.

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My 50th Birthday
(In Truth, Only Half as Fun as My 100th Birthday)


By Indelibleink


Woke up that day happy as a lark,
Until I remembered I’d reached the half-century mark.
As if on cue, I was suffering leg cramps,
And my wife thought it cute, if she called me “Gramps.”

I have three kids – two girls and a boy –
And like their old man, blessed with the ability to annoy.
When they showed up, everything appeared cool,
Little did I know, I was about to be taken to “school.”

As a life-long resident of the city where I was born,
My kids knew my history: There wasn’t much to adorn.
But they all showed up that morning, one-at-a-time,
All with an expression of about to partake in some crime.

I studied their faces as I opened my card,
Waiting for some surprise, lest my reputation be marred.
Turns out my youngest, that diabolical little runt,
Had organized for her Daddy a scavenger hunt.

Five car-loads of relatives looked on as this fool,
Started looking for clues at his old elementary school.
And did I mention that while I was digging around in the dirt,
I was doing so in bell-bottoms, and a disco-dancing shirt?

Yes, my family was enjoying – too much - this well thought-out plan,
And laughed when I found my next clue – on a Stroh’s beer can!
We made a few more stops, and I cannot fib,
It’s all pretty embarrassing when you’re dressed like Barry Gibb.

But it got even worse: We then went out to eat,
With Elvis wig and inflatable guitar, my humiliation complete!
I’m already plotting my revenge: It will be the sum of all fears,
When each one of them - on their 50th - will have to dress like Brittany Spears!

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28 lines