Past Hope

Long slivers of sunlight slipped through the cracks in the boarded up windows. Small flecks of dust danced in the warm air currents they generated. In the corner a hooded form stirred from her sleep. Would today be the day, she wondered? She stretched slowly. The old mattress had made her back and hips ache. She did not look at it. Did not want to see what crawled on it. It was her defense of late, to close her eyes to all that might bring her down. She found this place late last night, in the middle of a heavy downpour and thanked God for the shelter, as it were, and a place to sleep. To look closely at that mattress where she had lain might bring down her hopes, and it was important today of all days that she remained hopeful.

Her backpack was by the door. She took it with her as she left. The day was warm. The sun glistened off the rain-covered leaves. The ground was soggy and squished as she walked the path toward the main road. She removed her hooded coat and wrapped it around her waist. Below her was the town rightly named—Hope. She held her thumb out and quickly caught a ride.

“Morning,” the driver pushed the passenger side door of his pickup opened. “Give ya a lift?”

“Yes, thank you,” she smiled. Eagerly she climbed in, pulling her backpack in and placing it on the floor between her legs.

“Name’s Don, most folks call me Slim. You can choose either one.”

She nodded.



The old truck rattled along the road. It was paved, but plagued with potholes. Don was determined to hit every one.

“So, what’s your name?”

She eyed him, realized he was speaking to her and cleared her throat. “Sorry, I was thinking hard about something. Shirley. Shirley Ann Cabernaugh.”

“Cabernaugh? Can’t say I know any Cabernaughs around here, and I know everybody. Where you from?”

She rolled the window down and laid her arm on the doorframe. The air smelled sweet after the rain.

“I’m from nowhere. I got nothing, ‘cept what’s in this bag.” She tapped the backpack. “I needed a place to go, so I looked on the map and saw this town’s name-- Hope, and I said to myself, Shirley, that’s where you gotta go. That’s where you can make a life.”

Don studied the girl while she talked. She was dirty. Her hair was brown, maybe blonde and just in need of a shampoo real bad, he wasn’t sure about that. But, her clothes were dirty, that he knew, and she smelled. He was glad she rolled down the window.

“You mean you ain’t got no place to live? What are you going to do when you get to town?”

“Well, first thing, I guess is to get a job. Then I’ll have to find a place to stay, so I can clean up. It’s been a while, you know?”

She turned and looked at him then, with the prettiest smile and bluest eyes he’d ever seen. After a bath she’d be a looker.

“Well, you might be able to get a job at The Pink Pussycat, they’s always looking for girls. Old Bob probably put you up in one of his trailers”

“No sir.” She interrupted him. She sounded set on the notion that she would not work at a strip bar. “Can’t do that. I can type, use a computer, and answer phones. I know how to do things. I’m going after a good paying, respectable job in an office.”

Don laughed. He couldn’t help himself. The idea was ridiculous.

“There aren’t that many office jobs in Hope, Shirley Ann from nowhere, and those that are-- aren’t going to hire you looking like that, no matter how purdy your eyes are.”

She frowned. She glanced down at her muddy jeans, torn on the knee. Her blouse was so dirty there was a tinge of brown streaks running along the white fabric. Her nails were embedded with dirt. She hadn’t noticed. Had refused to look. It was part of her positive attitude, not to see anything negative—anything that might bring her down. But, she saw it now, thanks to Don.

“Well, I have to have a job before I can get a place to stay.what am I going to do?” She turned to him again.

“I don’t know, missy. Looks like you got a real problem.” He pulled the pickup over to the curb just inside the town limits.

She hesitated. “Could you loan me some money to get started on, Don? I’ll pay you back with my first paycheck.”

“No. Got no money to loan. Just a ride, that’s all.”

She sat for a moment. “How about a dollar or two so I can get something to eat?”

“No. And there ain’t no body gonna let you come inside their restaurant looking like that, anyways. Now, go on. I gave you a ride into town, the rest is up to you.”



Shirley opened the door and stepped out of the truck. Don sped away.

He’s right; the rest is up to me. The rest is up to me. I can do this. Folks coming over on the

Mayflower faced hardships too. They were starting out with nothing, and I can do this.

She pulled her backpack on to stroll the sidewalk. It was still early and most of the storefronts were closed. The main street was no more than four blocks long. There was a post office, a hardware store, Mary’s Café, Ben Franklin’s, a bank, a lawyer’s office and Southern Real Estate. On the corner there was a gas station called Leon’s Gas and Go, and across the street was the Hope Police Station, and in between them all there were a few empty spots with signs saying—For Rent; and listing Southern Real Estate as the contact.

She walked the street three times. Up and back. She saw Mary opening her café. Maybe she could waitress? She watched with interest as the Deputy drove up and unlocked the door to the police station. A woman in a blue ford pulled in the slanted parking slot in front of the lawyer’s office and got out. Shirley walked up to her as the woman was getting a box out of the back seat.

“Excuse me,” she said.

The woman turned, surprised. Shirley was sure the woman’s surprise turned to concern upon seeing her.

“I’m new in town. Just arrived. I could use some help to get started. Can you help?”

The woman looked around, nervously. “What kind of help?”

“Well, I need a place to stay, and a job, and you know a chance to make a new life for myself. I can type and use a computer, I just need a chance.”



The woman made her way around Shirley once she was satisfied the girl was not going to attack her. “There’s really nothing I can do to help you. I don’t know you.”

“Well, maybe you could loan me five dollars for some food and a cup of coffee?”

The woman hurriedly unlocked the door, balancing the box on her leg, and then went inside, locking the door against Shirley.

The girl moved down the sidewalk to a bench. Mournfully she sat. Beside the bench was a barrel cut in half and filled with Morning Glories. God? Why did you bring me to Hope, if there is none? She buried her head in her hands and cried. For so long she had remained positive. The long trip there, she thought only positive thoughts so that she’d be sure to find Hope. She never gave up.

A black car pulled up to the curb. It was long and shiny. A man rolled down the window.

“Hey, Shirley?”

She raised her head.

“Slim sent me over. Said he gave you a ride into town and you were looking for work?”

Shirley smiled and rushed toward the car. “Yes, I am. I am looking for a job. I want a fresh start on life. I can type and use a computer, and I just need a chance.”

The man scanned the girl from head to toe. “Well, I’ve always got an opening for a pretty girl like you. You are pretty under all that dirt, aren’t you?”

Shirley took a step back. “Where is this job?”

“The Pink Pussycat, the best strip bar in town.” The man laughed, suddenly realizing he had made a joke. “Shit, the only strip bar in town.” He pointed over his shoulder with a nod of his head. “Just a mile down that way. Give you a place to live too, if you want. Course, I got to see if you are any good. I’ll have to.interview you.”

The way he said it made her stomach turn. The man reached across the seat and held out a bag.

“Brought you something to eat. Old Slim said you might be hungry.”

She could smell the biscuit, bacon, and egg sandwich.

“Got some coffee here too.”

She felt woozy. She wanted to step forward and take that bag. But, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. She was starting her life over. And she came a long way to Hope, to do that. She shook her head no and backed away. It made the man angry and he drove away.

Shirley picked up her backpack and started walking. She’d have to go further than Hope to find her new start. She just didn’t understand why God sent her to this town, if there was nothing there for her?

The sun was rising high. Cars passed her on their way into town. She didn’t watch the expression on the driver’s faces. She knew it would be the banker coming in to open up his bank, and the real estate agent, and the townsfolk coming in to do their business. She knew they would be looking at her, so she didn’t look at them. She was going to stay positive. For the next town-- past Hope, where she might find a new life.