Letter to my brother

So this is a draft of a letter I've prepared for my (fictive) brother (whose real name I won't give here). I'm obviously interested in fixing any grammatical, rephrasing, or flow errors, but mostly I'm wondering what people think of the argument.

My brother is in 8th grade (his age is an important factor in the writing of the letter, I think), and he's a steadfast believer (both our families are Catholic). I'm also a solid believer in God, but from my experiences, my faith seems to be quite different from others', especially philosophically.

Also, I'm currently in college about a 14-hour drive away from him, which means face-to-face communication between us is rare (hence the reference to not quite knowing his activities), though we still keep in almost daily contact.

In this letter I want to bring up the topic of doubt, but from a perhaps different perspective from that I've seen others discuss it. Material in brackets are editorial notes and not actually part of the letter.

Basically, please try to fight my argument so I can either address counterarguments or change my reasoning to incorporate new knowledge! Thank you SOOOO much! I'll give GPs for good reviews! This is really important to me!

`Andrew




Dear brother,

First of all, I should go ahead and say the same things everyone else is saying: I’m proud of you, this is a big step in your life, God is good, God is great, all that jazz. And of course, every single word of that is true. I’m really, really proud of you; even though I don’t quite know all you’ve been up to these past few months (up to no good probably, haha), I know that you’ve done it well. [Various specific references to activities I know he's involved and which I'm not telling you!] But most of all, I’m proud of you simply because you’re a good person with a good heart who actually cares about other people and the world at large. It’s actually very hard to find people as loving and caring as you, I don’t know if you’ve noticed by now. People who aren’t as ugly as you, of course, are a lot easier to find, but that’s another story, eh? Haha, just kidding!

Actually, I lied a little. “This is a big step in your life” isn’t necessarily true. It can be a big step in your life is a better way to put it. Like many other things in life (from my own limited experience, of course), it’s as big a step as you decide to make it be. You’ll get out of it what you put into it, but I know you’ll put heart into it, like you do other things, so the whole process of confirmation should be a great one for you.

As for “God is good, God is great”, I really don’t think I need to elaborate on that with you. I know from your words and your actions that you’re a man of God. Yeah, okay, you make mistakes now and then, but who doesn’t? If there’s a righteous path, you’re on it; just don’t let your guard down lest you stray (patience, being slow to anger… y’know, even then keeping your head on you).

Which is why you might find it a little weird that what I want to talk (or write) to you about today is doubt. Not that I’m afraid you’ll doubt; quite the contrary, I’m more afraid you won’t. (What? Yeah, confusing, I know, but just wait a bit; I’ll get to the point.) But before I get to the point, let me just clarify that this is just me talking: a 19-year-old kid who doesn’t actually know much about the world and is aware that his experience is limited. So take from this what you will. I’m not trying to force my views on you or anything at all like that. Rather, I want to lay some things I believe in out there so you’re aware of them and can decide if you agree with any of them, and you also get the plus of getting to know how my brain works a little better! (Scary thought…. )

Also, since we don’t actually talk about this much, I’m not sure where you stand on this, if you’ve thought about it already, if you disagree completely; I don’t know, but I’ll take the risk. Feel free to dismiss me outright.

Alrighty then, the point.

Doubt is a conflict between logic and disbelief. However, being in doubt means that you are looking for a belief of some sort, and that you’re going about it logically, using your own reason. Being uncertain means that you are actively thinking about why things are the way they are, thinking actively about the situation at hand.

Ever hear the phrase “God helps those who help themselves”? Well, if you’re thinking about something, you’re working to improve yourself to address whatever you happen to be facing at the moment (an argument, a controversial comment, a raging dragon, whatever it happens to be). What about “think before you act”? That’s what doubt is about: reassessing the situation in order to make any adjustments in your belief to make sure that you act in the right way.

So where does doubt come into religion? If you doubt God, or doubt some teaching or other, you force yourself to reassess it, to think about it anew, to bring in evidence for and against it. In short, you get to know the particular issue you’re dealing with (death, resurrection, rituals) much better because you’re analyzing it so carefully. And because you’re analyzing the situation so carefully, weighing the facts and seeing how things align with your own good values, you come to understand it better and can make adjustments in how you act or will act to improve yourself.

It’s kind of like setting up a telescope and then checking every turn and knob, maybe testing them a bit by jiggling them this way or that, in order to try to get a sharper image, a clearer and more accurate focus. In the same way, you adjust yourself and your beliefs to try to get a sharper image of yourself, the world, God, etc.

And not only do you get a sharper image, you come to appreciate the worth of each little knob and screw as you take the time to learn what it does. You might still doubt exactly what everything does, still be unsure about some things, but you now have a much better idea and appreciate them at least for their worth. Likewise, you can learn to appreciate many things in your life by getting to know them through such doubts, even if you don’t completely remove your uncertainty.

This is what I feel draws me closest to God and Christianity: doubting Him, doubting teachings, and then through this exploration coming to conclusions (sometimes certain, sometimes tentative) and always learning more, always being drawn back to Him.

But doubt is scary. Especially the bigger and more present it is. Doubt God? That’s absurd, I can’t do that! That was my first thought when I first had some doubts, so I refused to address them and just kept on going. I had the doubt, but I didn’t do anything with it, I didn’t take it as a chance to learn and readjust my beliefs. Not at first, at least. Doubt can be dangerous in this way, if you don’t do anything with it.

Eventually, I had enough trust in my mentors [very brief list of some examples of my mentors] and myself to pursue this doubt to its end, and I did. And was surprised to find myself back at God. So, tentatively, I found other doubts and pursued them too, and they led back too! And now if I have a doubt about God or the Church, I don’t hesitate long. I’m still a little scared when it happens, but now I know better and am glad of the opportunity to learn more, adjust my beliefs to become a better person, and get to know God and the world better.

I think an important part here was knowing that I could rely on those people I mentioned earlier, and I felt they could help me along if I became too afraid to go on (helping either directly, by answering my questions; or indirectly, just by being there, like you help me). And after all this doubting and ending up back at the same place but with more understanding, my faith in God is nearly unshakeable, if a little bizarre and unorthodox, I’ll admit (like the transubstantiation/consubstantiation thing you heard me talk over with [name] that day). Sure there’s things I’m not sure about, loads of them, but I’m comforted by what little of His presence I do know.

But I also doubt I’m the one to know how to go about everything, so feel free to doubt me too. In fact, I encourage you to, for the same reasons I said before.

Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man’s enemies will be the members of his household. He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it. (Matthew 10:34-39)

I think this means Jesus expected us and wanted us to doubt. The mere idea of him and his life and teachings brings conflict in my head (now I know it’s good conflict, but conflict nevertheless). The cross he mentions here can be the doubt I mentioned, ditto to the lost life. Sure the cross is heavy and the doubts are painful and scary, but revel in them and in the knowledge that at the end of the path lies a better….

And hey, if you want to talk about any of this with me, you know where to find me. I’m always here to talk if you need it.

Good luck with your confirmation.

Your brother “in bond if not in blood” (get it? Sherlock Holmes? No? Oh, okay…),

[My real name... which I'm not telling you either! Unless you already know it, of course.... ]

`Andrew Bowman