Sisters -- Forever

I grew up with six siblings -- all girls except for one brother.  With seven children, there were bound to be times when disagreements and arguments would occur.  I am the middle child and I always stepped into the role of peacemaker.  When an argument ensued, I would always try to make things right again.  I was usually successful, and somehow we always managed to work through our problems and keep the peace.  Then one day there was an incident that shook up our happy and peaceful little world.

Our sister Becky, the second youngest, was married to Bob for nearly 20 years. They had two children; a son and a daughter.  The youngest child, their daughter, Ashley, was mentally challenged, which did cause a lot of  heartache for my sister.  I think she always blamed herself for Ashley's mental problems.  But she managed to accept Ashley's limitations and did all she could to help her daughter lead a normal life.  Their oldest child, Adam, was a wonderful boy.  He was one of our favorite nephews.  He had a great personality, and he was always so cheerful and well-behaved.  He showed his affection for his aunts with big hugs and kisses whenever we saw him.

One day we each received an unexpected call from Becky.  She rarely called, unless it was something big.  She informed us she was divorcing Bob.  Apparently Bob had been having an affair for quite some time, but she had just discovered his indiscretion.  He had betrayed her and she said she would never forgive him. We all supported Becky in this, her time of need.  She was our sister and we were on her side.  We also realized there was always two sides to a story; but there was no doubt in our minds as to who was the real culprit - her husband.  After all, blood is thicker than water.

In due time Becky and Bob were divorced, and she was given custody of the children, and she also acquired the house.  So now everything seemed to be right in the world again.  Life for my sister Becky was as good as it could be, under the circumstances.

After the divorce was finalized, something disturbing happened.  None of us could reach Becky by telephone.  We tried over and over again, and it was always the same thing -- no answer.  After a few days of this mysterious annoyance, we received the message that her phone was disconnected.  We had no idea what had happened to Becky and her children.  For all we knew, she could be lying on the floor in her house unconscious; or perhaps something even worse had happened.  So along with my youngest sister, Jan, we decided to drive over to Becky's house to see what we could find.  We were in for a real surprise.  When we arrived at her house, there was a "House For Sale" sign in the front yard. This was odd, because Becky had not informed any of us that she was selling her house.  We got out of the car and walked up to the front door.  We rang the doorbell and no one answered.  Then we thought maybe we could look through the windows to see if we could find any clues.  The house seemed to be deserted.  There was no furniture and no evidence that anyone even lived there.  Where was Becky?  Where were her children?  We had no idea what had happened to her and naturally we became very worried.

At the time, my sister Jan worked with the sister of Becky's now-ex-husband, Bob.  Her name was Tina.  Jan invited Tina to lunch to see if she had any information about Becky.  We thought that since she was Becky's former sister-in-law, she might be able to offer an explanation as to our sister's whereabouts.  During the course of the meal, Tina let it slip out that Becky had moved to Willmar, a little town about 250 miles away. 

We were shocked when Jan informed us of this information.  Becky had never said a word to any of us about moving. She had not even hinted at it.  We wondered why she had taken this step without even telling us; and we all were quite upset - worried, disappointed, and even angry.  After all, we were her sisters.  Why did she do this without letting us know?  Why had she kept this a secret? 

We were completely baffled.  We did not even have a telephone number to reach her.  Quoting the promise of confidentiality to Becky, Tina refused to divulge Becky's telephone number.  She said that it was her mistake to let out the information of Becky moving to Willmar.  There was no way that she would give out her telephone number.

It was all such a mystery.  I thought Becky had been close to us and we would surely be the first to know of any changes in her life.  We were the first people she called when her divorce was imminent.  Why didn't she tell us about moving to Willmar?  My sisters were quite upset about this situation.  They were so angry with Becky, even furious, to say the least.  It was as though they had disowned Becky from being our sister.  And now, for the first time in my life, I did not want to be the peacemaker.  I was too angry and heartbroken.

Three months passed by with no word from Becky.  The only thing I could do was pray for her and her children.  Then one Monday evening my telephone rang.  Becky's name appeared on the caller I.D.  As I picked up the receiver I could feel my heart pounding.  My hands were shaking and I think I was actually holding my breath until I said "Hello?"

And there she was - after three long months - calling me on the telephone.  At first I was so relieved to hear her voice and know she was all right, but then I became so angry because she had waited this long to contact one of us.  She did not offer any explanation for her lack of communication with us.  She told me she had moved to Willmar, and had a new job, although she did not mention what it was.  She reassured me that my niece and nephew were just fine.  It was at this point when she dropped the biggest bomb of all - she was going to be married!  I could not believe what I was hearing.  Married?  To whom? 

She told me she had been socializing over the internet with a man whose name was Randy.  She had been conversing with him for quite some time before she met him in person.  She said she had not met him until after her divorce from Bob.

Next she told me that Randy worked and lived in Willmar.  He was also a deacon for the church they now attended.  Now it all made sense.  She had moved to Willmar to be closer to him.  Apparently, he, too was divorced, and he had two children from his previous marriage.  I could tell my sister was head-over-heels in love with him.  Suddenly I realized why she had not called us, either.  She did not want us to interfere.  She was afraid we might try and stop her.

What was going on?  I could hardly believe my ears. This was not the sister I grew up with.  I knew I had to get off the line before I said something I would later regret.  I told Becky I had to hang up because one of the kids needed me.  As I hung up the receiver, I realized I had a pounding headache.

Within the hour all the other sisters called me.  Becky had called each of them and just as I expected, they were all furious with Becky.  I listened to their comments and complaints; hoping it would somehow make them feel better if they could vent to me.  I knew that sometimes it helps to get your feelings off your chest.  So I let them do so.  Their questions filled my mind with confusion and feelings of being hurt.  I knew the questions they asked were valid.  Just who did she think she was?  Why hadn't she told us she was moving?  Why hadn't she told us she was getting married earlier?  Did she forget we were her sisters?  And so it went - on and on and on. This was the final straw. 

I was so sad, so hurt, and so confused.  I loved all my sisters with all my heart, and I would do anything for any of them.  It was hard to believe Becky had chosen a stranger over us.  If only she had confided in us everything would be different, and I would still have all five of my sisters, not just four of them. 

So the days passed into months and the months passed into years.  Before I knew it, two and a half years had passed by since that awful day when I had last spoken to Becky over the phone. 

It was Ash Wednesday, and the beginning of the season of Lent.  I decided instead of giving up something for Lent like chocolate or ice cream, I wanted to do something good; maybe a good deed or charity work -- something along those lines.

After praying over this subject, an idea came to me and I knew it had to be the hand of God working in my life.  I decided this year for Lent I was going to contact Becky and ask for her forgiveness.  I wanted her to take me back as her sister.  I talked with my sister Jan about this idea, and she agreed it was time for a new beginning.  But still the rest of my sisters felt they were not guilty of anything, and they had done nothing to be forgiven for.  Their belief was strong that Becky was the one who needed forgiveness.

I searched my heart and I wondered - how could my sisters refuse to speak to Becky?  How could they just give her up like that?  I know Becky had made a lot of mistakes, but wasn't it our job to forgive her? Weren't we supposed to give her a second chance?  Jan and I spoke for a long time, and we both agreed it was the right thing to do. We agreed that writing letters to Becky was the best idea.  After reading our letters, she could either call us, e-mail us, or write back.  Hopefully, she would do one of those things.

It was the next day when I wrote my letter to Becky.  I went to my desk and opened the bottom drawer.  Inside was the lovely stationary which I used only for special occasions.  Then I found my favorite pen, and I sat down and began to write.  It seemed as though the words just flowed out from the pen by themselves.  Within a minute or two the first page was filled with writing.  Never had I written so easily or so naturally.  It was then I realized I was writing from my heart.

When I finished, I  had used seven pieces of stationary.  In the letter I told Becky I missed her.  I told her my kids missed her and they missed her kids.  I asked her to forgive me for the way I had acted, and I admitted there was no excuse for my behavior.  I told her I believed all of us were to blame for the rift in our family.  We had all been just too stubborn to pick up the phone and call her.  And she had been too stubborn to pick up the phone and call us.  No one wanted to go ahead because they let their pride get in the way  We all should have realized it is easier to swallow your pride when you wash it down with love.  Then I told her I loved her with all my heart, and I wanted to be her sister again.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I signed my name.  Somehow my heart felt lighter, as though a burden had been lifted from it; and inside I  was singing the song of freedom -- freedom from guilt.  I had cleared my conscience, and all I could do now was wait and hope she would respond.

I folded the letter carefully, placed it inside the already-addressed envelope, and affixed the stamp to the upper right hand corner.  The postman had not yet come for the day, so I walked out to our mailbox and placed the letter inside. I noticed it was such a beautiful day; and the weather certainly conveyed my feelings.  As I raised the flag on the mailbox to let our postman know there was a letter inside to be mailed, I wondered what Becky was going to do when she received my letter.  For all I knew, she might tear it up and not even read it.  Or she might read it and then throw it away.  I hoped after she read it she would contact me.  I prayed this would be the case.

That night, for the first time in two and a half years, I slept peacefully.  No longer was my conscience plagued over the absence of my younger sister, Becky.

The next afternoon I received quite a surprise. I had just woke up from taking a nap, because I was not feeling well.  The telephone began to ring, and I was so tired that I was tempted to let the answering machine pick it up.  But then I noticed the name on the caller I.D.  It was Becky!

I could scarcely believe my eyes, but there it was - Becky's name.  My heart was racing, my hands were shaking, and I could feel my mouth go dry.  As I picked up the receiver, I thought, "Please, don't let it be bad news".  I said "Hello," and Becky greeted me with the same airy "Hi"  she had always used whenever she called.  I asked her how she was and she asked me how I was, and before we knew it, the small talk was over. 

Then Becky began to talk.  First she thanked me for the letter I had written.  Then she told me how sorry she was about what had happened two and a half years ago.  She said she was entirely at fault when she did not tell us about the move to Willmar.  My suspicions were correct -- she said the reason she had not told any of us about her actions was because she did not want to hear what we might say about the situation.  She thought maybe we would try to stop her.  But even so, she said she knew these were not good enough reasons to do what she had done.  She told me she was very happy in her marriage to Randy; as a matter of fact she was happier now than she had ever been.  She told me her kids were doing great and they really liked Randy as a stepfather.  And, thanks to Randy, she was going to church again, which she believed was one of the best things she had ever done for herself and her children.  But what she really wanted was my forgiveness and a second chance to be my sister.  She wanted to have reconciliation with me.

My heart skipped a beat as she said those words because that was exactly what I wanted -- reconciliation. 

In Webster's Dictionary, reconciliation means "the action of reconciling".  The word reconcile means "to make friendly again, to settle, adjust, to make agree." Even these words are not adequate to explain what reconciliation means to me. 

To me, reconciliation means to forgive and forget, especially when it concerns someone whom you love.  It means you will try to again to  have a meaningful relationship - one which will last throughout the coming years.  It means to love someone again after you had lost their love.

Finally, it means to again be sisters -- forever!