Drusba Dry Soda Introduced

WC 504

Drusba Dry Soda Introduced

By Jack Rawlins

Atlantic City, NJ ---Stanley Gaflooska, head soda-meister and marketing director of Dry Drinks, Inc. announced here today what he called a “Major breakthrough in drink technology.”

Mr. Gaflooska, who has a reputation for innovation was in a confrontational mood as he addressed skeptical multimedia representatives here at Trump Towers.

“Mr. Gaflooska,” shouted one reporter, “Isn’t ‘Dry Drink’ an oxymoron?”

“Yeah,” responded Gaflooska,”Does that bother you? How about ‘jumbo shrimp’?
Got a problem with that?

“I’m tired of the Nazi food and beverage police pushing people around, especially those of us in the soft drink industry. That’s why we developed Drusba. It takes the juice out of their arguments that pop promotes cavities, obesity, and osteoporosis and caffeine addiction. They don’t say it, but they also seem to imply it’s responsible for wars. And global warming.

“Well, we’re mad as hell and we’re not going to take it any more.

“We’ve made a major breakthrough in dehydration technology and can dry anything down to an easy-mix powder. Today, everyone carries around bottled water. All you have to do is add a little, shake it a few times, sip it very carefully--and once you get used to the taste—drink it.

“Yes, at first you may say it tastes like crap. But you’ll get over it. Some people even like buttermilk. Some like liver. Taste is a fickle thing, and we will not base our marketing on peoples’ fickleness.

“Unlike Coca Cola, and Bush Beans, we have no secret recipes. We tell you what’s in our stuff. If you get sick, it’s your own fault. But chances are, once you get used to Drushba, you’ll become a regular--a life-time customer--and thank us for our making it available. “

“Mr. Gaflooska,” called out a lady in a big hat, “What’s in this miracle dry drink?”

“I’m glad you asked, dear, “he replied. “Here’s what makes Drushba so great:
It contains everything that’s good for you…green tea, chocolate, pomegranate, purple grape juice concentrate, super-octane caffeine, a touch of Spanish Fly and just a tad of kaopectate and some Epsom salts.

“Performance drinks are popular now. That’s why we added the Spanish fly. And for those who have trouble developing relationships; we’ve added enough Epsom salts so they’ll soon be going steady. On the other hand, if you overindulge, the kaopectate will shut you down.

“What’s more, Drusba is conveniently packaged. Now you can carry a six-pack in your pocket. Try that with cans or bottles.”

“Didn’t you just tell us you have to mix it with water?” asked a snarky lady from Foxy News.

“Certainly,” he answered. “But everybody carries around bottled water for a pacifier. If they don’t have any handy, seventy-five percent of the earth is water.”

As he ended his presentation, Mr. Gaflooska was asked about the awkward sounding name.

“It’s a good name,” he said. “Just remember, Drushba is absurd spelled backwards; but it will always keep you going forward.”

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