Be Careful What You Wish For

prompt: You wake up one morning and you’re 20 years younger, but everything around you stays the same. What happens next?

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Be Careful What You Wish For

By Indelibleink



Journal Entries Tuesday, May 25, 2010

5:15AM – Today is going to be the best day ever! I got up at five and went in to shave, and, wham! – I look incredible! I’d say 15 – maybe 20 years younger! I can’t wait until Joanie sees me! I almost woke her, but I decided to let her sleep so I could just stare at myself some more. This is something that I’ve always wished would happen. Jeez…I actually needed to comb my hair this morning, because there's actually hair to comb! And, not only do I have hair, but none of it’s gray, either. For that matter, what happened to my beer gut? I look down now, and I can actually see my toes! And muscle tone! Man, I am a Greek-freaking-god! Can’t wait until the kids see me. What a miracle!

7:30AM – Well, I didn’t get quite the reaction from Joanie that I had anticipated. Snuck up on her while she was taking a shower, which I have done many times before, except this time she didn’t recognize me and she thought I was a rapist!  Almost knocked me out with a bottle of Head and Shoulders! Then she accused me of sneaking out in the middle of the night to have corrective surgery done. I tried to explain that if I had had surgery done then there’d be some scars, but she’s convinced that I’m trying to “pull” something – she even asked me if I have a girlfriend. She left the house right after her shower to “think things through,” but I’m sure all will be fine after she understands that I didn’t do any of this and that I love her more than anything in the world. I left for work before any of the kids got up; probably a good thing…

9:25AM – The reception I got at work this morning (about an hour ago) was less-than-exhilarating. The boss thinks I’m making a concerted effort to take his job. He’s already on the hot seat due to the slower economy, so he suspects I’m going for the “youthful look” to get me over the top and into the boss’s chair. He’s watching me like a hawk. Everybody else in the office just thinks I’m going through some kind of “mid-age crisis” and I’ve been the target of about fifty jokes already. That’s certainly starting to get old – even if I’m not!(Ha-ha-ha)! Must remind myself that I’m having the last laugh here, so I really shouldn’t let anything upset me, but it’s strange how suddenly I do feel like an outsider to people I was good friends with only yesterday.

10:30AM – Have basically become a recluse in my own office from all the people from other departments who have suddenly had reason to come into my office just to catch a glimpse of the “circus freak.”  Honestly, that’s what I feel like right about now. But, I just had a thought: Almost everyone who has come in to see me has asked me how I “did it.” In other words, they all want to know my secret, and some even said they’d give a year’s salary to turn their personal clocks back twenty or so years. I’m a walking “fountain-of-youth” and it occurs to me that I could make a fortune selling some idiotic cream to people that would  “Take a year or two to see results, with no promise of anything for sure. It would be risk-free (for me, anyway)! I could have enough money in 6 months for Joanie and I to retire on. I could quit this stupid job and we could go live anywhere in the world we desired. Put the kids in any college they wanted. A life of leisure from here on in! Will have to run all that by Joanie tonight over dinner – at a fancy restaurant. That should cheer her up.

12:18 PM – Left for lunch a few minutes ago. Tired of being treated like a freak at that damned place. Well, the joke will be on them when they realize that I’m not coming back! With all the money I’m going to make, who needs ‘em?

1:17PM – Picked up my suit from the dry cleaners. Is nothing easy anymore?? Mrs. Wong didn’t recognize me, and didn’t want to give me my stinking suit. Showing her my drivers license only made things worse, because she looked at it repeatedly and kept saying, “That not you. That not you.” It cost me $20 extra to convince her that it was me. Jeez, even identity has a price.

5:26PM – Joanie not home yet, but the kids began wandering in after school between 3:30 and 4:00. Ironic how they seemed to not notice the changes as much as anybody else – shows how much attention they really pay to their old man. They think I got plugs, dyed my hair, and have been hitting the gym. Perhaps I don't impact their lives as much as I thought. All preoccupied with their own lives, I guess a fountain of youth doesn't mean much to someone who's already there. Very depressing.

6:55PM - Joanie called from her lawyers office; said she's positive I must be seeing another woman to have gone through all of those changes. She also said she it would only have been a matter of time before we went out and someone referred to her as "my mother." She says I betrayed her. I told her I would try to correct these changes surgically, but she says she no longer trusts me. The lawyer wants me out of the house by morning.

8:07PM - Found the .45 we had stashed in the closet (for "safety"). This is not a world I want to live in. I hope everyone understands. Joanie: I love you. Kids: Sorry I was such an insignificant father. I love you. Farewell.

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words: 980