Rolland Donaldson Character Sketch

The Deacon – Character Sketch of Rolland Donaldson

•          He is considered a pillar of the community by his family, friends, and neighbors

•          He supports several children in foreign countries

•          He has used vacation time to build houses in the Dominican Republic for Habitat for Humanity

•          He is the first one to offer assistance to anyone

•          He also did rescue work after Hurricane Katrina (which is when he realized another purpose for body bags and since he’d driven, he stole a nice supply with an eye to the future)

•          He came from a working class family, but has worked hard to raise himself up above them

•          He has always been a hard worker

•          He is very good at his job—electrical engineer

•          He was raised with the belief that Sunday was for church

•          He has continued to attend the church his parents do (well, did), and has reached a position of responsibility and respect—he is a church deacon

•          Although he seems to ooze the milk of human kindness, he is cold and unfeeling (with the exception of an abnormal devotion to his mother—even her memory)

•          His philosophy on marriage is that his only responsibility is providing a paycheck

•          After more than twenty-five years of being ignored, his wife left him (but, of course, he tells a completely different story)

•          He made sure that none of his family learned of his years of lying cheating that surfaced during the divorce

•          He is theoretically well-educated—that is he has gone as far as getting a MS in business, but it is questionable how much he has actually ‘learned’

•          His best feature would be his green eyes—which are usually hidden beneath hooded lids

•          He is tall, but while he says he’s over 6’3”, he’s barely 6’2”

•          He is disproportioned—with a big, long body on short, stubby legs

•          He is fat—with man-boobs

•          He had strawberry blond hair when he was younger, but has darkened to a carroty, red

•          He already had a receding hairline in high school

•          He has a coarse, dark five-o’clock shadow by 11:00 am

•          He is greasy

•          His skin is pock-marked and he has pimples and blackheads, still, even in his fifties

•          Except for his face—which is always red, and his hands—that have browned from constant exposure, his skin is paler than white

•          He likes to think of his bulk as ‘strength’, but he is soft and doughy, and surprisingly weak for his size

•          His hands are rough and calloused

•          His fingers are thick, he bites his nails down to the quick, and his cuticles are ragged

•          He hasn’t picked up a book voluntarily since school, but devours everything in the newspaper

•          He is never without a mug of hot coffee—cream/no sugar

•          Left to his own devices, he’ll live on fast food (but feel sorry for himself about it)

•          He leers at women, and has the foolish delusion that they find him funny and attractive

•          His voice is generally normal, unless he is upset or angry—when the pitch starts to go up

•          He has a phony laugh, which he exhibits at the wrong time

•          He has no sense of humor                                 

•          He continues the family tradition of emitting a plethora of body odors

•          His shoes are never polished—even his dress shoes—and are scuffed and worn down at the heels

•          His pants ride down because of his belly, so if he bends over, he exhibits the classic ‘tool belt ass crack’, even though he is not particularly good with tools

•          His shirt tails are always pulled out, and his tie askew

•          He takes his sports jacket or suit jacket off inside his winter dress coat

•          He takes his coffee mug into the bathroom with him, and leaves coffee rings on the vanity counter

•          He tends to spit while talking if he gets excited about something

•          He has sleep apnea and has been known to fall asleep while speaking to people

•          He is slow to anger, but when it happens, watch out

•          He is afraid of birds

•          He likes cats

•          Even though he has an executive job, he uses bad grammar and his table manners are often questionable

•          He loves to gossip—his mother once said that he wasn’t born with an umbilical cord, but a phone cord, with the receiver attached

•          He is arrogant

•          He is a legend in his own mind