A small collection of poetry

May 5th, 2009
My life as I knew it ended.

May 6th, 2009

I stare at the pictures on my walls surrounding me. Your faces the first thing I see when I rise and last when I lay my head down to sleep. I won't lie I long to hold you tight and never again have to let you go. And, mine eyes long to behold you and never again to loose sight of you. Good bye is a word I have grown to hate...cause good bye for me is an eternity till I see your faces. Just to be close to you I surround myself with pictures and listen to your sill y songs you'd sing and I would record with my phone. I'd draw and paint pictures of you and sing your favorite songs to just to get closer to you. True tears fall from my eyes but I smile cause I got all the faith in the world that this will passover and in my arms you two will be again. At times I wear a mask cause I don't want the world to see what I've been through and the pain that is still there yet healing. There is one who knows my heart inside and out and my every thought that ever should cross my mind. Only he is the one who knows sometimes how bad I for you hurt inside. Not many know what it is like to have everything that was your life suddenly stripped away in one single solitary moment. At first not knowing what to do you keep busy as much as you can so you don't have a chance to think but it catches up to you. The hardest part for me is not waking to see your faces each day. But, I know soon things will change so I remind myself to take comfort and wait for that day.

May 15, 2009

Heard rumor that they were believing in the deceit thrown up before them. It's been two weeks I have yet to see my kids....they must be scared and lost. Oh God help them to know I love them and how I long for them to be in my arms.


July 7th, 2009
Rejoined by fate

The warm breeze brushes across my skin.
Down onto my cheeks pour the tears I have tried to hold in.
As my eyes wonder the stars in the sky/
I try to convince myself nothings missing...but I can't believe a lie.
I cling onto what's left of my heart.
Alone I begin a brand new start.
Day by day your in my dreams, my thoughts, my heart and my mind.
Sometimes life can be unkind.
I may not know the time or date.
But, i take comfort because I know we'll be rejoined by fate.

(To all who read this was when my kids were taken from me so if you reread it from a mother's eyes you might know and share in it's feelings through my eyes)

My comfort during this time was a a few words God spoke to me, "They are in my hands." There was not a night that didn't go by that I didn't cry and wonder how they were untiled they were returned. This is all I will say about my situation. God truely moved in ways my brain could never even imagine to put them in all the right places at the right times until safely bringing them back home to me.

July 9th, 2009
Just thoughts

I sit alone in the shadows my lips utter no word.
I don't have to speak for he knows what's in my heart that goes unheard.
In his arms i cry...
Tears eascape before him the truth cannot hide.
He knows every inch of this broken and beaten heart.
He knows how badly it yearns..
He hears the silent prayers of a mother's heart....
The things that go unsaid...
The tears the pain the joys....all the nights praying beside their beds.
Now I gaze apon two empty rooms and I sit by their beds and I bow my head and I pray.
Lord, bring them home to me....keep them safe in their jounies their travels till you can bring safe to me. But, lord most of all bring them back to me.

So many nights I prayed these thoughts bits of poems songs anything in my head. Till finally he could bring them back to me.

July 23, 2009

Just a measely couple of hours a week. Oh God my heart is far from content I long to be the one that holds them and rocks them to sleep. I wonder if they know half the time to be able to be there for that hour I walk clear across town for hours on end to get my self there because I can barely afford most the time to take a bus. I am saving saving it all as much as I can I do not want to take a dime of it away from saving to build us this place then they can come home.


If your wondering I walked alot! To and from my job and to visits with them....even when it downpoured. I didn't care would not call off being there for anything this world had to offer. And when I was there I tell you if you know any joy in this world it was the unconditional love of them being in my arms not having to let go for a minute because they didn't want me to for those measely couple of hours. In my week of what seemed like hell God granted me those bits of Heaven that pulled me through and kept me pushing myself further to do better and accomplish what seemed impossible to the people I had to deal with. But...I gave everything and some to prove I was more than willing to go the distantace for my kids and I wouldn't back down.

Well, by December to anyone who may read this. I still walked to visits whether snow storm or what the weather would bring and sometimes I would wait for hours in the freezing cold for them to arrive. Eventually I lugged blankets in my backpack along with every single toy I could carry in my arms to keep warm and see them smile as we played together. I nearly froze my butt off, but I was willing to get rid of part of it just to be there.


By Christmas everything was finished and they came home. My heart could not contain the joy. I can't describe what it was like being able to tell them let's go home to stay. . .the look in their eyes the tears the joy. I could never top this in my entire life as a christmas gift. To a two year old and a 5 year old they had been given the world.....their world.

Well, I can't say that the chapters are over yet because one of the longest is yet to come. but I know who holds us in his hands and continues to protect us and never lets us forget how loved we are. When I look at everything around me now compared to what I left with the day my life ended to begin anew....I had nothing. But, now I have everything.....and a place to rest my head for all eternity.