Life as it was

Have you ever stopped to think about your life? How it might be different from others? I really didn’t until two of my children were grown. I had a much different life than the one they had. I struggled to get to the point that they would not have to struggle as I did.

Love was one thing we did not lack. Our small family consisted of my mother, my brother and me. Well of course there was a father, until I was nine, after that though he pretty much was not a part of our lives. He would show up on occasion. That is until we moved out of the state that he lived in.

Like most children of divorce, I believed for a while, that it was my fault. I felt, if I had been a better child that they would not have divorced. Of course, this is a common misconception that children of divorce have. Children without realizing it think the world revolves around them. I was no different in that aspect. It took looking back later to realize how silly that really was. I was not to blame.

Being the oldest child, I felt a responsibility to my brother to be a good example. I tried to be what I felt was my definition of good. For me it meant doing what I was supposed to, getting good grades not lying and living the life of a ‘good person’. Little did I know, that he was not watching. He was surviving.

We had very little; we lived for the most part on welfare and government subsidies and government programs. That was what people with only one parent did. My mother did the best she could in the situation she was in. She had health issues, little education and married our father young. One of the things I remember from growing up was we measured our cereal and milk in the mornings. Our lunches were at school or in the summer the complex we lived in brought meals on wheels for our lunches. Our supper was one plate of food.

Though we ate, as teenagers we were still hungry. Of course, we had choices in our foods. For breakfast, we could have as much bread as we wanted – 1 egg, or 1 cup of cereal. Being a hungry teenager I actually took advantage of the as much bread as you can have. I knew it took one egg, ½ cup of milk and cinnamon to make French toast. My mother was surprised to see me making French toast with the ‘portions’ of things I was allowed for breakfast. I did not do it every day.

I found out later that my brother, eat more at lunch at school. They would allow him seconds even on free lunches. When that failed, he found other not so appetizing ways to find food, things that most would make people cringe. People don’t seem to notice you if you’re clean, well groomed with neat clothing. It was not as if we had nothing; just very little.

At one point when my brother was young and my mother was sick, he went around the city that we lived in and collected aluminum cans for us to sell to the recycling centers. He also would bring home other miscellaneous items that he found in other peoples trash. This was our ‘extra’ money. When I did try to go with him, people would stop us and ask too many questions. It was easier for a nine year old to get away with it. I mean a cute little, blonde haired boy with big blue eyes, got away with more than a shapely 12 yr old that looked more like 16 or 17.

Therefore, I helped the best I could with household things and cooking. As I grew older, I realized that the one thing that our family had was love and each other. That was something that money could not buy. However, I did not want to live this way the rest of my life. I watched my brother leave in the morning ride his bike across town to the richer section of the city to stand in parking lots, he was 9 or 10 at that time, and wash car’s windshields for tips. He gave mom a portion, played video games, and bought himself treats, which most consisted of food.

We didn't have many things but we never went with out. The subject of how do you buy your kids clothes was solved in the following manner. Some of the ‘friends’ my mother had made in the projects that we lived in made ‘clothing runs’ at night. That is where several of the mom’s in the projects would get together in one or two vehicles and take clothes from Goodwill and Salvation Army drop boxes. That way the money that we got could go to things that were needed like soap and cleaning supplies instead of clothing. Growing teenagers can go through cloths. I know that this is stealing, though looking back on it, at least it was not breaking into people’s houses and taking their things. Besides these were things they didn’t want. We always took back what didn’t’ fit, that was worth taking back. You would be surprised at the trash people donate to these places.

Of course come Christmas time, that was different. People seemed to remember the underprivileged then. We would get gift baskets from churches that wanted to show ‘Gods Love’. As grateful as I was that our family had more, I still felt these people where blithering idiots that felt nothing except when it was forced guiltily upon them to give by their churches and the media frenzy called ‘Christmas’. I did know the true meaning of the time of the year. In fact, our family shared what little we had with the others that would not get anything except with us it was more than one time a year.

I do have to tell you that people have a strange idea of what to put in a food basket for someone who is ‘underprivileged’. Since we were in the projects we must eat stuff like ‘Spam’, and canned items that sit in the cupboard for a couple of years before you think wow, “Someone, Somewhere is starving.” Guilt makes you shove that crap back into your cupboard where you will never eat it. Then low and behold, there is a food drive. Guess, what goes into the food drive? ‘Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner.’ That can of muck that you kept is gone and you feel as if you have given someone a gift. Are you really, that daft? Even poor people have taste buds.

Of course time passes, and those are the times that no one wants to remember. We usually think back on our pasts skimming over those times and remembering the good times. WHY? Those times happened they made you into who you are. For me, I did not get enough of being poor when I was growing up, I guess. I made the mistake of dropping out of school and partying. So of course, I had two children young. Seeing the past repeating itself, that lit me on fire so to speak. An unmarried mother of one with one more on the way and being under the age of 21, I fit the description for an ad in the paper for dropouts to earn money, while getting a GED and College credits upon completion. The money sucked but they paid me, feed me and helped me find daycare for my daughter.

I kept going. After I finished that I found a profession that would pay enough for me to rise above my background make a better life for my children. At the end of the GED program, I had 2 children, A GED and 3 college credits in computers. I had also worked for the state unemployment agency during the program. I learned a lot working there, you see a lot of things by working for an agency of that sort.

So by the age of 21 I was on my way to a brighter future with more in life than wondering about my next meal and how to afford shoes for my children.