Dreams ...

Whenever I have an interesting or strange dream, I like to write it down. A few days ago I had two very interesting dreams, one on one night and one the next. I don't put much stock into the "what does it mean??????" questions, rather I see my dreams for what they are ... the expression of my thoughts and/or feelings that surface in REM sleep. . Often, my dreams are simply good story ideas. I guess that's one way of knowing I'm a writer: I create stories even in my sleep.

So here are the two dreams. Enjoy, I suppose.

Dream 1: The Sniper Dude

Every now and then, especially as I get older, I have "horror" or "suspense" or "action" genre dreams. These are not nightmares. As far back as I remember (at least as far as 3 years old) I have only had *one* dream that was truly a nightmare, and I had it only a handful of times. No, these dreams are at most mildly exciting. They would probably make decent stories if I ever cared to write them down, and my first thought when waking up is "whoa! ... that's a great idea!" and not a response of fear.

         I was living in an apartment complex similar to but not in any way identical to the apt. complex I grew up in. The dream began on what must have been an overcast day. I was in my bedroom with the blinds open and the lights off. (Perfect blue natural lighting that is in many of my dreams.) I was totally undressed, because I was changing clothes. So all the sudden I look out my window and see this *guy* a floor or two above staring at me! (The building is U-shaped.) At first I just stare back, trying to determine if he can actually see me or not, because it is darker in my apartment than outside ... he shouldn't be able to see me. When he continues to stare back, I figure he must be able to see me, then I'm really embarrassed. There's this creep watching me get dressed! Creepy!!
         But then I see it - he is a sniper, he's got this huge gun pointed right at me! So I drop down to the floor, where the light from the window is not directly illuminating me. But I can still see him, so I have to assume he can still see me. He doesn't seem to show any change in facial expression or anything like that (yes, he is for some reason close enough that I can make out facial expression) so I still do not know for sure if he can see me or not. He still seems to be staring right at me, or right in my direction. I don't know which.
         At this point, I am now dressed. This is because this is a dream. I wish real life were that easy. There is not even the realization of "I was not dressed before, now I am." I simply am.
         So, I am laying on the floor hopefully hidden by the shadows while this sniper guy seems to be watching me. I slowly move forward, staying hidden, so I can get out of the room without him seeing. At this point I know he's not out to kill me, but he wouldn't hesitate to if he knew I saw him.
         So I slowly move forward, forward, forward ... and he starts shooting - at people down in the parking lot. I seize the moment and crouch-run out of the windowed bedroom.
         Once again, in the way dreams go, I have run to a friend's apartment. There is no "getting there," I simply am there.
         My friend and I are in her apartment, but the kitchen door is open. It opens to a balcony-type-thing which is outside. The balcony is perhaps more like a fire escape, because it has stairs outside that others can access. But it's furnished and has a little chair and some flowers. Anyways ...
         So friend and I are trying to get inside because sniper dude is very close by, now outside. He doesn't seem to be following us, so if we stay unseen we will be safe. But if he sees us (read: if we see him) he'll have to kill us so no one can identify him/call the cops/etc. So whatever, we're just barely inside when we see him, he is outside on the balcony. We can't go back and close the door, because obviously he would see us. So there's this bathroom that's sort of in the middle of the apartment, without outside walls, and it has two entrances - one facing this open kitchen door and one directly opposite. (So if both bathroom doors are open, you can see right through to the open kitchen door.)
         So I'm telling friend, go, go in the bathroom, don't turn on the light. I'm watching this guy as we go into the bathroom ... he's this redneck-looking guy, plaid flannel shirt, skinny guy, whatever ... and he turns his head just enough that I can see his face. (Note: his face does not look the same as it did when I could clearly see it before. He had big round glasses then. Now he doesn't have any, and he's much older. His hair is also a different color, and I think he's wearing different clothes. But it's the same guy, lol. Disguise? Nope, nothing changed.)
         When I see his face, I recognize him!!! It's my father!!
(This guy is certainly not my real-life father though. This is my dream-character's father. It's like a story being told in first person. Or, being experienced in first person. And no, the "creep" watching from earlier is not "dad." Somehow these are two separate things, but all one story. Two separate people, but one person. Ah, dreams. I "love" their inconsistency.)
         So, I call out "Dad?" and go over to talk to him, banking on the fact that because he knows me, he won't kill me right out and I'll have time to stall him so the police can be called and take him away! So I go over to talk, and thankfully, I was right.
         Then, I'm woken up by a hungry cat. .

My Mom

That first dream was a more "fun" dream. It was exciting, suspenseful, whatever. The next night - or maybe it was the previous, I don't exactly remember - was more serious. But it was very notable in many ways:
1) It was about my mom. She died 11 years ago this November. She had cancer. In all that time, I don't think I've ever dreamed specifically about her. She may have been passively included in dreams since then, but so has my dad, my stepmom, my best friend, and ... Albert Einstein. (He was in the peanut butter.) But this dream was actually *about* her.
2) I could actually picture her face and hear her voice - clearly. Whether they were accurate or not I don't know. But these are two things I have not been able to do since she died ... not even in dreams. (I do have trouble picturing anyone's face or imagining their voice in dreams or awake, even other family members that I see all the time.)
3) It was a strongly emotional experience. I'm usually relatively detached from the emotions of my dreams, however this was very much emotional.

         I'm not as clear on what all happened in this dream, which leads me to believe it was the night *before* the other dream, and therefore longer ago. Essentially, it started with my mom, uhh ... showing up, sort of, to spend time with me. My first reaction, of course, is "I thought you were dead!!!" She tells me she's just been away or whatever. (When I was about 10, this is one of the things I thought about once or twice: "what if" she hadn't actually died, but was in hiding (like the witness protection program) and came back to visit one day. I knew full well that wouldn't happen, but it was interesting to theorize what her responses would be seeing what things had changed in a year.)
         In my dream, she had really short hair, like it was when it was growing back in after chemotherapy. I asked her about this, and she said that she wasn't so sick anymore, she wasn't dying anymore, but she still wasn't back to full health. She was still recovering from everything.
         Sooooo ... we go out and around and do stuff together. I don't remember everything included, nor the order it was in. So I'll sort of list it below.

         We went to a restaurant, and found my grandma there eating. My grandma recently had a stroke in real life and has been pretty weak, and has required my dad or my aunt to stay with her 24/7. Well in my dream she was doing a bit better but I was still very surprised to see her out at this restaurant, by herself! So Mom and I sat and ate with her, and all three of us talked. (Note: this is my dad's mom.)

         In real life, I dyed my hair black back in February. My mom had black hair (but one of her biggest pet peeves was people calling it black, she said it was "dark brown"). So in my dream I compared my dyed hair color to her natural hair color. Mine was darker. I laughed because next to mine, hers was very clearly *dark brown.*

         Then we got on the topic of my stepmom. I asked Mom how she felt about that. I was sort of worried that she would be really upset that my dad had remarried, but she basically said that yes, she was upset and a little hurt. But if she really had been dead like everybody thought, she wouldn't have objected to it. It was just kind of ... hurtful because she *was* still alive. She decided she didn't want to see them (not this day) because she still needed to figure out how to approach that issue without hurting them.

         (Note: I have nothing against my stepmom. But there's something very interesting about what the reaction someone would have to returning to their old life and finding their loved ones have "moved on" ... think stories of soldiers MIA who after years and years of being missing return and find their wife has remarried, had kids, etc. This dynamic is interesting, story-wise, and somewhat personally, too.)


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