It Was a Dark & Stormy Afternoon When...

WC 441

It Was a Dark and Stormy Afternoon When…

.

By Jack Rawlins

"Ben! Get your ass in here before you get yourself killed. Can’t you see there’s a thunderstorm popping up?"

“Damn it, Debbie, that’s why I’m out here. I need some juicy lightning to make a point.”

“Say what? What point?”

“I want to prove that lightning and electricity are the same.”

“So who cares? What good will it do you?”

“Well, I’m not sure just yet; but it’s important.”

“To whom, or is it to who?”

“Debbie, doll, I don’t have time to give you a grammar lesson. It’s starting to rain. The wind is gusting. You’re hanging out the window bitching--and I can’t get this stupid kite up.”

“Hah! Since you started hanging with that Ross woman, that’s not the only thing you have trouble getting up."

“Stop with the nasty, Debbie. I’ve got to stay focused.”

“Come on, Ben. What will the neighbors think…a grown man running around in a thunderstorm playing with a kid’s kite? And that outfit. Those white stockings don’t go with those short pants. You’ll never make Philly’s Best Dressed list.”

“Screw the neighbors and fashion experts. This is important work.”


“Yeah, sure. Ben, everything you do is important. Well I’ve got a few important questions for you: Is your insurance paid up? Did you have to tear up my silk drawers to make that damn thing? And what happened to the key to the commode? I’m not going in there without locking the door.”

“Yes, my insurance is paid up. Yes, I needed silk; paper gets soggy and falls apart in the rain. Yes, I took the key to the commode so I could make a connection, not because I had to go.

“Now, aren’t you going to ask me about your string?"

“You took my string too? I was saving that!”

“What for, Debbie?”

“Well, I’m not sure. I just like to save string. Oh, forget it. Please come inside. I’d rather you do it now than after you’re dead.”


“Wait! .Wait! Whoopee! Debbie look! She’s up. Look at that baby climb! Listen to that thunder! Look at that lightning! --Ouch!”

“Benjamin! Why are you sitting on your ass in that mud puddle?”

“I was knocked here, that’s why. And I pun you not; I made a shocking discovery: lightning really hurts.

“It also sparked an idea for an aphorism in the next issue of ‘Poor Richard’s Almanac:’ Never fly a kite with a key on a string in a thunderstorm while your wife is harping at you.

“Would you please put on some tea? I’ll be right in.”

###