Marriage After 50

Were Richard and I crazy to marry after the age of 50? Our friends thought so, but we are provinjg them wrong. We've been married almost nineteen years and we grow closer every day. I'll admit that things have not always been easy for us.

We were both set in our ways. My former husband passed away and I had been single nine years. I had my own home, a good job at an Air Force base, a car that was paid for and a rental house. I learned to manage my personal affairs and enjoyed being the only one I had to answer to. I even learned how to light the heater and instll an electrical switch without help. I was used to my business being exactly that: my business.

Richard had been in and out of marriages. It seemed no woman could cope with the constant separation caused by his job as a cross-country trucker. When we married we knew we had an uphill climb, but we were determined to make it work.

We hit our first snag almost immediately after the I dos. Our wedding day was on a Saturday. We spent that night in a motel, then returned to the house, my house, on Sunday. Richard was off that afternoon with a load to be delivered and I didn't see him again for three weeks. Decisions needed to be made about living arrangements, but I had to catch him between runs so that we could take time to sit down and talk.

It was decided we needed time to bond so I quit my job and sold both my home anh rental house in order to travel with him. Going from the single life I had experienced for nine years to being with a partner on a 24-hour basis was an abrupt change for me. At best, trucking is a hard life. Both Richard and I are stubborn so if we disagreed about something, we soon found ourselves in an argument with no retreat but the recesses of our minds. Long periods of silence soon followed while Richard drove and the miles droned on. It wasn't long befiore we concluded that this silence barrage would have to go. We had to learn to talk things out if we were goling to make our marriage work.

We eventually purchased a piece of property in Alabama and settled down: at least I did. Richard was still on the road and came home on weekends. There were still times I thought of him as a stranger walking through the door. He filled me in on events that took place during his journeys while I filled him in on the happenings at home. It took at least a day to get back into the mindset that this was my husband I was talking to. About the time I felt comfortable with him at home, he was out on the road again so I had to make use of the time he was with me.

It took time for us to learn to confide in each other. For me, I had to learn toi talk to my new partner when something bothered me instead of bottling it up inside until I was about to explode. He had to do the same. In the process, both Richard and I learned that the key to a good marriage is good communication.

Our difficult lesson taught us to be open with each other, to listen as well as talk. We are more alert to the other's feelings and needs. When there is a problem, we sit down and discuss the ins and outs of the situation until we come to a mutual understanding. We have learned to appreciate the other more with each passing day and plan to continue growing closer as long as we are together. We hope this is a long, long time.