|Liam doesn’t know about me and Jess.
Sometimes it’s hard not to feel guilty. I love Liam. I always will. He’s my soul mate.
But Jess… Jess understands me. He knows what I’ve been going through, and he doesn’t say a word. He understands that it’s my life, and that my decisions are mine alone.
Liam cares about me, much more than Jess does. Liam's always there to call me on my bad decisions, to help me make the sensible choices, to guide me away from the path of self-destruction. Liam is safe.
I don’t want safety right now.
Jess didn’t care when I started drinking, when I started the drugs, when I began ignoring the calls from my family. Jess let me do whatever I needed to do. And it worked. I've moved on. I'm over it all now: The betrayl, the embarassment, the lost job. The so-called best friend who blamed me for her mistake and got me fired.
All that is behind me now. The drugs, the alcohol, the isolation. Everything but Jess.
The freedom that I feel with Jess, it’s like an addiction. When we kiss, I feel nothing but passion. There’s no tenderness, no romance. In bed, there are no whispered I love you‘s, no gentle caresses; just fingernails scraping against my back, bruises on our hips, growls and moans of pleasure. I love it.
It won’t last forever, I keep telling myself. Just a little bit longer. Soon, I’ll be faithful to Liam again. Soon, I won’t have to feel the guilt.
Soon, I’ll be safe again.
© Copyright 2010 Raychel Ryanne (UN: xfloat.away at Writing.Com).
All rights reserved.
Raychel Ryanne has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.
|Log In To Leave Feedback|