After "The End" - Manuscript Revision

After “The End”, Manuscript Revision – Hallie Ephron
2010 Willamette Writers Conference


Revision: Where to begin, what is and isn’t working.

Fly-high first: Big Changes
Fly-lo second: Small stuff

Create Outfile: Safe place for everything you cut. (Kill your Darlings)
Use Save As – save old versions
Her – for a 300 pg. Book –> 200-250 pg. outfile

Fly High:

When finished with rough draft:
1) Print out manuscript but don’t read it.
a. Let sit for a while
b. Give to trusted readers
i. Need people in your life to read your work
1. People who can be ruthless
a. Speaks language a writer wants
i. Some readers are just readers
ii. Some readers are also writers
2. Suggests whole range of readers
a. Old readers of versions can’t be used over again – every revision needs new readers
ii. Fantasy novel -> fantasy readers
2) Critiquing:
a. Listen and shut your mouth
i. Complaining author shuts critics down
b. Also, every revision give to new people to critique
i. Fantasy novel -> fantasy readers

3) After rested a while – read whole manuscript yourself
a. Don’t fine tune
i. Leave comments in spaces
1. (Double-spaced)
b. Big to small (Fly-high to Fly-lo)
i. Read with long range glasses first
1. Repeat until done
a. (There is a stopping point)
c. Revisions to look for:
i. Does book have strong narrative voice?
1. Or multiple POV – different narrators in different scenes?
a. Each character needs own voice
a. Strong voices that are differentiated
b. Everything filtered through POV characters head
c. Find voice for each scene
ii. Story Analysis
1. Protagonist has to have goal - make below clear in journey
a. Goals can change along the way
b. Have characters take a journey
c. Character (protagonist especially or only?) suffers setbacks along the way
a. As story moves forward – the higher the stakes
b. Character moves forward

Example: Wizard of Oz opens with cyclone

2. Novel broken up in acts
a. Act 1 – ends up with low-point
b. Act 2 – Middle (Biggest part)
a. Half of book
a. Make sure moving forward
Example: Wizard of Oz – Dorothy caught by witch
c. End
Example: Wizard of Oz – Dorothy kills witch
3. Key: After-the-fact outlining
a. When done, outline what you wrote
b. 300 pages can be overwhelming
a. You can’t remember what you wrote
iii. Put each scene in 1 or 2 sentences – Main things only
1. Every scene (or subplot) in novel should push story forward
2. If not, take it out
3. Hold bar high
4. Every scene should have a function
a. (300 page book – could have 25 to 75 scenes)
a. Look at chapters later
a. Breaking book into chapters – do near last
5. Key units are scenes (organic particles)
a. With specific times and places
b. Change settings with each new scene
c. Print out each scene
a. Highlight – (Red, Yellow, Green) - colors reflect feeling in reader
b. For speed of scene
a. Like a stoplight
a. Mostly expository – Highlight with red
b. Yellow – Scenes where tension building; conflict, suspense building
c. Green – Scenes with action
b. Only one color per scene (at first – flying high)
a. Look at outline
c. Too much red -> add conflict or action
d. Overall: Red to Yellow to Green
a. From more leisurely to less
b. From less tension to more
c. Compare with outline to see where to move to
d. Can actually have too many red scenes
a. Novels should be modulated and varied
b. Always give reader a break after intense scenes
*) Too fast – can leave reader numb
e. Can insert conflict when speeding up.

Aside: Chapter Breaks – Find main points and turning points in novel
Middle of novel – make sure you have surprises and turning points
Don’t want “mushy” middle.

6. Scenes – More
a. Scene by Scene – look at chronology (Outline helps with this)
a. (Put in dates)
b. Where do weekends fall?
c. Cluttered Days?
d. Seasons (and weather); don’t overdo
e. Sunrise and Sunset
f. Have to have a calendar
a. Domino effect: will affect scene which will affect other scenes
7. On outline – jot changes needed down
a. Track subplots
a. Are you completing them?
b. Add scenes for subplots
b. Do you have a whole arc shape for protagonist?
a. Arc can end before end
iv. After you get this far, begin revision.
1. May not want to give to critique group until you’ve finished this revision
a. How comfortable are you having readers read an early version?
2. Continue outlining
a. Each revision – make new outline
4) Look at each scene
a. Delete scenes that don’t move forward
5) Read through by character (scenes with same character)
a. Is character consistent?
b. Character must evolve organically
c. Check personality
d. Check dialog
e. Check physical description
i. Including Clothes

f. Bring characters into focus
g. Same names throughout manuscript
i. In narrative, name should be same throughout manuscript
ii. In dialog, characters can be called other names
1. In particular in multiple POV’s
iii. What if character doesn’t know other character’s name?
1. Take a characteristic of character and use that until character learns other character’s name
2. Even with omniscient narrator
a. Can’t know character’s name if other character doesn’t

6) Setting
a. Read through by setting
i. Don’t repeat self
ii. Each revision – add to it
iii. Keep consistent
iv. Sometimes setting can get claustrophobic
b. First time scene takes place insert setting
i. At least one basic description of scene through character’s eyes
1. Introduce with action if possible
a. No information dump
7) Characters: More
a. Each main character:
i. Need name
ii. Need physical description
8) Make sure front of book not filled with backstory


Fly-lo: Finally sweat the small stuff; fine tuning starts there

1) Make sure POV not sliding
a. 1 POV for each scene
2) Verbs (workhorse of fiction):
a. Carry the most power
a. Work on these most
a. Especially action
b. Power verbs (see handout)
c. Need some of ok verbs (put, etc.)
3) Action
a. Simple sentences structure
4) Sentence structure
a. Subject-verb and subject-verb-object
b. (Sleeping, gusting, setting)
a. Turns verbs into modifiers (adjectives)
c. No adverbs and almost no adjectives
a. All covered by verbs
d. Description:
a. Most adjectives are verbs acting as adjectives (what we want)
b. Verbiage: Very precise without big words (want)
a. Use comfortable words
e. Cut what should be cut
f. Replace bland verbs with power verbs
a. (Example: in a hurry -> ran, sped)
g. Use verbs to replace –ly words. (Adverbs tell instead of showing)
a. Pick verb that expresses action and attitude of character.
a. Don’t distract reader with non-power verbs
a. (Including adjectives and adverbs)
b. Search and Replace:
a. –ly words (adverbs)
h. Try to eliminate distancing verbs
a. (Example: saw, wondered, thought – put distance between reader and POV character) –
a. Less exciting for character
b. Replace
c. Can use if character are in shock: (“I thought”, “I couldn’t think”) – if character disassociating
i. Ferret out –ing words:
a. About 80% of the time
b. Search and Find – ing_ (with space)

Aside: Technical writers love adverbs. Also ok in non-fiction. Fiction: adverbs tell instead of showing.

j. Deconvolute “as” constructions.
a. Almost always overused
b. Okay a few times
5) Dialog: Pump up
a. Read aloud
a. Tell whether dialog sounds real
a. But not all the unnecessary stuff (small talk)
b. If characters all sound alike, make voices different for each character
a. Somebody should be able to read a line and know which character said it
a. (Who has read all of book)
c. Don’t start with party or crowd scenes
a. Tough to make lots of characters talking at once
d. Be in character’s head when you write his dialog
e. Can summarize dialog – when boring or flat
a. Flat dialog
a. Spice up with conflict
a. Argue, disagree
b. Or drop it
c. Or Summarize
f. Dialect:
a. First time on page – can use dialect
b. Next time – don’t need.
a. Readers will put it in themselves.
c. Foreign language:
a. Depends on what you’re doing.
a. Foreign word?
i. To explain with next line
ii. Don’t just translate
1. Use other words?
iii. Recommends putting word in italics.
g. Attributes
a. (said, asked, occasional replied) okay.
a. Invisible
b. Occasional “screamed” or “whispered” okay
c. Drop “he said”, “she said” when you can
d. Never use gasp or hiss for attribute
i. They’re not speech
b. Movement helps modify speech
c. Play with where you put action:
a. Can use props
a. (eg. cigarettes)
i. Put props and action into dialog
6) Weed out clichés
7) Look out for repetition
8) Revision: nit-picking
a. Do over one long block of time
a. 3 or 4 days
b. An hour here and there
b. Readers will notice more problems in beginning and ending
a. Less critical of middle
c. Look at first: (line, scene, and paragraphs)
a. Look at beginning and ending of each scene
a. This should help show where scene goes
b. Need to know where, who and when at beginning of scene (housekeeping)
d. Scene endings, grouping into chapters:
a. Length of chapters – many opinions
b. 1 scene per chapter (always?)
c. 1 to 20 pages
a. She like 8-12 or 8-15 page chapters
d. Can put breaks wherever you want
e. Beginning – might want to start with a resolved ending (?)
f. Later – Use cliffhangers.
a. End at a point where you don’t want the reader to put it down
g. Early->Later: More resolved to more cliffhangers.
e. Last – Run spell-checker and grammar-checker.