Locked Inside Myself

Locked Inside Myself

Alone in the silence,
The past comes back to haunt.
Nightmare memories I thought
Were long gone.

If I close my eyes I can see
All the things left behind,
And I know they will never
Really leave.

So I keep my eyes open,
Until they hurt,
Burning with the knowledge
Of what darkness holds.

In the shadow of the moon
I can be myself;
Fully aware of all the things
That I want, but never ask for.

If I would only allow myself
To dream of bigger things,
Then perhaps someday
I could reflect back on the night.

But instead I keep my hopes
In dusty bottles on a shelf,
In the deepest part of myself,
Where I know they can not break.

I hide in the sounds of laughter;
Holding onto it like a lifeline,
Wishing it were my own,
And wondering if it shall ever be.

I reach for the hands
spinning around in my mind,
Offering a steady solace
That I know I don’t deserve.

In the end I lose my grip
And return to the life I know,
Holding onto myself in the cold;
I realize I am damned.

So I turn my head away
From those that wish to help me,
Afraid to let them get close enough
That I might hurt them.

I have become all that I despise,
All that I swore to never be,
By simply locking me away
Inside myself.