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Saturday
August 2, 2014
2:32am EDT


by mays
Rated: E | Draft | Experience | #1712789
what is more important to you? what they think or what you think?
This is me, so should I apologize for being me?, or should I find me a new identity, an identity that you pick for me, or maybe he does, an identity that you may like for me better than mine, One I get to be that sweet innocent girl, that never complains, and everyone likes, but then I would be that easy bite that can never survive this crucial word, then I would be that innocent girl that was cheated and destroyed by the people around, or I can stay safe away from all this craziness and just settle with the people I trust, the people I already know missing the real taste of life, living inside a close box with nothing to look forward to.

Or should I be that girl that everyone fear, and seek her satisfaction, a girl that would look to her right and see an army that is willing to do anything for her, and would look to her left and see another army that is waiting for a chance to join this battle, a girl that would get anything that she wants with a blink of an eye no matter how, but then what, then I'll find myself taking what it's not mine, stealing it from someone who really worked hard for it, and I wouldn't care as long as it's mine, then I would find myself hated for just having everything I want, hated because I forgot how it feels to be a person that earns what he gets, and then I'd look to my right and I'd see that same army that was willing to do anything for me is the first to stab me in the back just because they want what I have and they know am no better than anyone of them, and I'd look to my left I'd see that second army just not interested in me anymore, because what I used to wear on my face, just got out of fashion!

Or should I be your spoiled girl that will always make you happy, the one that all men would admire, the one that won't even care what people might say about her as long as she gets to have one who is going to take care of he, and I know what will happen next, it is either one of two choices, either he will get bored of her and want to try something new, and you can tell me the end of this story, or she will continue living this hollow life until the time comes knocking on her door telling her your expiry date is over.

And for you I'd be the good girl, I will make sure that am always on the right track, and I can't make any mistake, no one can get me off this road that am hiding that seems nice, no? but am afraid I would lose the time am given to spend learning from mistakes, I would lose the pleasure of experiencing the world around me, I would lose my spontaneous soul, that would remind me that am human, because humans do make mistakes.

Will that please you? will any of that please you?

am hoping you are happy now, because am sick, am sick of changing my roles, am sick of being what you want me to be, am sick of hearing all these voices that keep on telling me how I should behave, or what should I wear, or how should I talk.

Now all what I want is for these voices to shut up, I only want to hear one voice, my voice, I don't even want to see anything I want the lights off.

I've seen a lot, and I've heard a lot, but now it is my turn to speak, it is my turn to talk.

This is me, a mix of all that, I will be the innocent girl at times, but at times I will just be mean, and I can make you happy because am doing all what you want, but you will be mad at me because I like to do things my way sometimes, I will be all that, but I will also be me, myself, no one but me.

So excuse my question, but who are you to judge me? Are you better than me?!

Maybe, but that doesn't mean that am bad, or do you know better than me or understand better than me to decide what path should I take?

This can be true, but... isn't it possible that you may be skipping the facts that make me do what i do? isn't it possible that you may be forgetting to be in my shoes sometimes?!

So tell me now are you still better than me?

I'll tell you a secret, and I want you to keep it just between the two of us;

I lie, yes, I lie a lot, I lie either to get myself out of trouble, or just to get something I want, but I also tell the truth, and I do make mistakes all the time, but I do good things too, and I won't hide it from you, I do talk about people behind their backs, sometimes I just do it because am bored or am really angry with someone, but I can't bear to see them hurt too,

Do you think that's wrong?

So please correct me if am wrong, but please wait...because am nothing but human, a person that gives and takes,

a person that is wrong and is right, a person that is always grateful and always full of complaints, a person that hurts and heals, a person like you and I, so are you still better than me now?!

But let's put all that aside, what I really want to say is this:

'I have never chosen my destiny, but I have chosen the way I'm going to live this destiny, I don't know maybe it's not the best choice, but I will learn, I promise you I will, so don't give up on me, and even if I don't succeed, at least it is me, myself, because am tired of wearing your clothes, and choosing what you would like, Just let me be myself, and you can blame me, but don't order me to be like you, because you are like me even if you are better than me, you eat like me, sleep like me, wake up like me, and maybe I do that better than you, just maybe.. or maybe not, yes you are better than me in everything, but am sure am better than you in one thing, I know myself better than you do, only because I lie so I know the truth, and I hate so I know the love, and I do mistakes so I know what is right, only because I know how to be human, maybe because I confess of all my mistakes and don't try to look like a priest.

You're right I owe you an apology for all my mistakes, and all my contrasts, but I like my contrasts, and I like my mistakes so what can I do?, and I like you too so I copy you sometimes, but please just let me be myself and I promise you I won't forget any apology, because you know.. And I know...And no one knows, and i promise you i will always keep those roles you gave me, and I will wear your clothes at times, but please excuse me, because i will be the one saying cut at the end.



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